A Teacher's Helping Hand

I totally decided to be a teacher for the money... said no teacher ever! During my years at Campbell University my passion to teach became an addiction. Being a teacher or working in the school system in general was something I just had to do but I was, and still am, a horrible test taker. The rule on license passing for North Carolina changed during my senior year and while I thought that because I passed the Praxis that I could still proceed to be licensed, I was still expected to pass the brand new Massachusetts adopted Pearson license exam. Due to my awful test taking anxiety I was unable to pass two of the three exams no matter how long I studied, no matter how many days I studied for, or how many times I took it in the two years (the last year of being a college student and my first year teaching—five times, five fails). I received a fifth grade teaching position by the grace of God because someone saw my potential and my passion, but I had to accept substitute pay until I passed my exams.

I became very depressed, I felt like I wasn't good enough which in turn really messed up my first year as a teacher because it caused me to doubt my self, doubt my abilities, and doubt whether I was in the right career or not. I had people telling me, "You just need to buckle down, study, and take the test and you'll pass." The more I heard it the more doubt I had in myself as a teacher, the more times I studies my heart out but still failed I doubt myself. This cycle continued until I was asked for advice in November of 2015 from my dear cousin about what to do because she was coming upon the same situation. The love and support from my boyfriend and family helped give me the guidance to finish out my year and focus on my students. I spent the little bit of money I was being paid on my students, gas, and very few bills. Okay, to be honest, almost all of it went to my classroom. Then the year ended, I had completed my first year as a teacher and I was informed that I could only teach for one year with out my license and then would have to "sit out" until I passed my exams.

It broke my heart. However, I accepted my temporary fate and filled out my substitute paperwork and have been subbing ever since. That is, until I found out a month ago that the "license rule and guidelines" I had been following had changed! The nerve of them! How dare the rule makers be so cruel! Now I wait for my license paperwork to become finalized so I can return to my own classroom one day. Until that day comes I substitute and volunteer at school. I volunteer for teachers who need a million hands but were only gifted two. Those with things going on at home and just need some a helping hand. I have found that I really love being a helping hand. It doesn't pay anything, but boy does it feel rewarding. I'm now awaiting for that special job offering phone call stating that I am wanted again with my own license and classroom awaiting me. My dream come true.