A Million Excuses

Abstract Procrastination is a form of self sabotage. I often find myself at an unexplained standstill that feels very negligent of the tasks I have before me. In my time spent in this productivity limbo, there seems to be an unquantifiable amount of excuses

one can come up with as “reasons” to not take the steps necessary to move forward. For the reader who finds themselves normally wrestling with anxiety at the idea of starting a new project or a new life chapter, this study is to help us. It is my intention in this study to rid us (you, the reader, and myself) of as many of the bullshit excuses as possible. In doing so, I plan to use my personal observations as a whole to also identify what it is that plagues and hinders my growth.

I. I have so much talent in me that this kind of work couldn’t possibly be too difficult to accomplish in a short amount of time. That deadline that was placed on me is far enough for me to not worry about making progress at this exact moment. My genius does all the planning in my head without accounting for how long executing will take.

II. I made a small amount of progress in a totally different form of expression that has nothing to do with the project at hand. This counts as a win. I should reward

myself for this win and take a break from all the hard-work that I’ve put behind me. In taking this rest, I will be restored and ready to get right on that important work ahead of me.

III. I am thinking so hard about what I have to complete that it’s growing to be this static object. The idea moved so well and free flowing when I began to focus on where it would start. As I focused on questioning the project from different angles, the answers piled on top of each other. This series of reflections left the idea in a lethargic state. I’m going to let it breathe.

IV. Before I begin anything project related, I must first enter the proper state of mind that will increase my level of productivity. As my first order of mind altering, I will rid myself of the unproductive urges that I have to a sense of satisfaction. Indulging these unproductive urges will surely pave the way for a new mind-set to sprout and bloom. That which will be only concerned with making progress toward the project.

V. I’m currently finding inspiration in places that are of slight relation to the project at hand. It’s important to go outside of the subject matter in order to gain a kind of perspective that offers fresh insight to the project. My travels will take some time but I assure myself that it will be worth it when I return to complete the tasks at hand. For now, I take off on a separate, sort of relative journey. Upon my return, I will redirect my attention.

VI. I’m way too busy nurturing the relationships around me to start something so...selfish. If I choose to work for myself, then what will become of the investments and agreements that I have already established between the people close to me? I value the importance that I’ve found in being a support for their lifestyles. I’m afraid that my level of importance will diminish as I withdrawal to my personal project.

VII. An important part of beginning the project is the research that must take place beforehand. Diving into this research would be a good idea. I collect and collect to an amount that makes reviewing the material become my second most important task behind collecting. The project itself has now been bumped to third on the list.

VIII. This entire idea could very well be a mistake. My mind is fixated on the possibility that I was never truly prepared to take on this project. If I try and give myself to the mercy of personal instruction, then I could fail. There is the possibility that any of my attempts to complete this project can be rendered futile.

IX. I don’t have the time to start on something so grand and demanding of me. I’m busy prioritizing things that keep my life running. Residence, food, bath, sleep and clothing. The pedestal that I put the project on can be visualized as mountainous compared to the things that I have juggling in front of me now.

X. There are problems in my world that are far greater than the project I have envisioned. In my rationale, these grand scheme problems must be alleviated from the world before I can give an undivided focus to my own toils. Seeing these global scale issues really sets my project into a minority perspective. It now feels as though it’s a noble act to set aside my project.

XI. I need for this project to be perfect. Since the project will have my faith and love tied within the inner workings, it must be a pristine representation of what I can accomplish. In the process of moving the project along, all of the minor details will be actualized slowly and with heavenly accurate ideas of perfection. Will it ever get done? That is no longer a concern for regardless of the time taken, it absolutely has to meet my insatiable expectations.

XII. A key component to starting a new project is setting the space for new things to grow. It is common knowledge that cleanliness is “close to godliness.” I will focus on cleaning the space...(s) that I occupy and intend to complete my work in. Cleaning the negative energies that may lie around will require my undivided attention. Organizing what’s left of the space is also a key influence to the structure in which I will work. When I’m done, not a single spec of dust or obscure item will be left to interrupt my work.

XIII. I actually managed to get some work towards the project done today. All the planning, reviewing and taking action has made me quite hungry. I will allot some time away from the project to eat something that feels rewarding. The ordinary consumption just won’t do. How could the food I regularly eat be an equivalent reward for progress? I shall go out and find a place that is as unique as it is delicious. The time I allotted may or may not be bent to fit in this venture.

XIV. The value of my contributions to the project can vary from time to time. At times I feel the value of my contributions are the quintessential essence of the project itself. Other times I feel the value plummet in significance. My contributions at this time would do absolutely nothing for the improvement of the project. It’s best that I remove my assistance from the equation during this time for I have little to nothing to offer. In a worst case scenario, my contributions during this time will have a negative impact on the overall outcome of the project.

XV. During the time frame that I have to complete the project, I also agreed to attend a public event. A few people I know will be there so it would be a nice gesture to bring a token of my appreciation for the invite. I must decide on an outfit theme to wear that fits my eccentric yet unconcerned personality. Maybe I will envision myself as an extroverted character. In that case, I need to practice the variety of greetings, anecdotes and warm natural smile necessary to really sell the role.

XVI. In order to keep a pace on my work I thought it would be a neat idea to start a new television series on my favorite streaming service. This way I have something to occupy the background noise and space of my work environment. I should be able to gauge the amount of work I’ve done with the time slot respective to each episode. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea for the new show to be a Japanese animation. My curiosity for the great plot paired with the reliance on reading english subtitles constantly diverts my attention away from the project.

XVII. I think I can feel a mild sickness coming on. I couldn’t be sure if this was caused by a seasonal shift in weather or a result of something (or someone) I came in contact with. My range of motion hasn’t varied much. My airways aren’t blocked to the point of regret. I don’t feel any aches and pains in my head. At most, maybe a runny nose. Naturally, while in recovery, I should put my project on hold until I quell my symptoms.

XVIII. Playing a new randomised music radio is a sure-fire way to set the productive mood as I work on the project. The radio shuffle is based on my favorite genre of music. I’ll be sure to hear some songs that I already associate with happy feelings and deep connections to my subconscious self. While listening to the familiar radio station, I come across a tantalizing song that I’ve never heard before. A slight obsession has sparked and now I must take some time to do discographical research to see if this is a one hit wonder or if I’ve discovered personal gold.

XIX. I’ve been in a seated position for far too long whilst planning and working on this project. For the sake of proper blood flow to each area of my body I’m going to get up, stretch and move around. Getting active for a while will allow for my stagnant energy to be repurposed. For safe equivalent measures, I will target every area of the body. My short stretch seamlessly turns into a full body calisthenics workout after (what seemed like) a couple deep breaths.

XX. I create an intersection of deadlines for two different projects. The times in which they have to be done are so closely related that procrastinating at them both will put me in a squeeze of time shortage. A squeeze so grand that it will increase the productivity levels in my brain as a direct result from the huge pile of anxiety I’ve collected through putting them both off.

XXI. Instead of striking while the iron is hot and moving on to the next step of the first project, I divert my attention and energy to writing a satire piece on the complexities of procrastination and the mind. I embody the very essence of the thing I wish to study in order to report on it first hand. I let this second project take the precious honeymoon time that I had with the first that was to be used to continue a strong stride. Will the study consume me or prove to be most effective?

XXII. I desire to be great at all of my passions yet don’t always focus to perfect any one of them. I spread myself and my attention until it is too thin to apply over what is necessary to evolving each passion individually. This over-occupation is a form of self sabotage that promises results and delivers only more directionless start ups.

XXIII. The inevitability of being perceived from a second (or more) person point of view allows my mind to wander towards the different perceptions that can be directed towards my project. I tend to analyze the ways in which I can understand those perspectives and get them to latch on to a similarity between us. If they could just focus on the similarities we have rather than our differences, then the criticism that reflects from the second person(s) can truly be constructive. Otherwise, the criticism sounds all too familiar. I’ve dueled with these ideas and conquered them already to get to the version I know now.

XXIV. In the illusive concept of choice, I will always manage to learn from the decisions made in my past and be a byproduct of the active choices I make now. In my decision to study and actively procrastinate, I have learned the pattern of avoidance that comes before any attempt to progress my project. They are those which follow:

XXV. Plan to meditate in the morning after I rise to reflect on what I may have pictured and experienced in my subconscious.

XXVI. Sabotage my connection with another realm by immediately reaching to give my face and attention to my cellphone.

XXVII. Plan to refresh my aura, body and hair before engaging in any creative or productive activity.

XXVIII. Deny myself the essential necessity of cleansing in an attempt to shame my way to productivity. A part of me brushes off the necessity until the symptoms become too much to tolerate.

XXIX. Decide the course of action I will take that circumnavigates the core idea of getting work done for the day. The course includes having a morning cup of tea, working, having a bite to eat, working, having a smoke, working and decompressing by watching something that relaxes and takes the mind elsewhere.

XXX. Sway from the charted course of action in a way that breaches the agreement that I made with myself. The actions that take place and parts of the plan that are set are misaligned. Participate in the actions that favor the works’ rewards more than the work itself.

XXXI. Self depreciate as my heightened sense of awareness now feels a sense of exile from the pattern that is intended to maintain a healthy productive setting and pace.

XXXII. Self loathe at the matter in which I am learning and improving on a negative aspect of identity. As paraphrased before, it is the nature of intelligence to learn and adapt to the patterns that one (I) may adopt. I begin to despise the adaptation that has taken place through negative habits.

XXXIII. Objectively identify the patterns that have been reflected on to me in the form of other people’s mistakes and how I am projecting them on to the project at hand.

If in the event you made it this far as a reader, then it is best you take this last “excuse” as a first step in disclosing the patterns that negatively impact you. This subjective study lists excuses that I have produced specifically for this project, and some that have been a burden for me for a long time. Any real procrastinator knew that by the sixteenth excuse that this list wouldn’t be a literal million. Be that as it may, it is my hope that you the reader can find your similarities in this study that identify your problem and voice it before purging it through adjusted action.

To furthermore stay in “character” and hold on to the theme of this study, I am turning this project piece in to an award writing contest at the last possible minute. With over a month to prepare and an actual fiction story swirling in my creative mind, this is the work I choose to submit. Is it self sabotage? Or Higher conscious genius? You be the judge