There aren't any sharks in the Public pool.

What am I doing here? I am crazy; I quickly scan the room for all exit options as I hold my breath. I am about to get up as the instructor comes into the room in a whirlwind of apologies for being late and exclaiming how excited she is for this dive. She is about to reach her desk and trips over herself; everything she was hanging onto went flying in all directions. The regret was just magnified by a hundred. I can't bail now, I have come so far, and I didn’t come this far; to only come this far. I buckled down into my seat and waited for the instructions to begin.

Galeophobia is the fear of sharks, simply put, and it affects more people than you would think. In my case, mine started with a love of the ocean, I used to read book after book about every type of shark, whale, fish, and coral reef I could get my little hands on. Unfortunately, I had older siblings who were not keen on having a nerd for a sister. They forced me to watch Jaws and Deep Blue Sea at the tender age of 7; I have been traumatized ever since. I used to fear swimming in a public pool; my anxiety used to consume me. As I matured, I came to the realization I need to heal. There is no way a shark can get into a pool, and, realistically, the chances of me ever getting attacked are slim to none. I am thankful for an incredible therapist. She has helped me overcome so much; with her help, I have completed every task from movie watching to swimming with them in a controlled environment.

The purpose of this dive is to observe and appreciate the beauty of these creatures. My therapist and I have talked extensively about this; even she agrees this is the final step to conquer my fear. After completing the proper scuba diving courses, I am confident in my driving skills in the confines of an indoor pool, not open water. I try not to think about making a me-shaped hole in the wall as I listen to the instructor going over the dive schedule and what we can expect to see. I am so close I know I can do this. I have a therapy session the day before we leave to go over everything in detail with the dive leader and my therapist. Even though shark attacks are rare and the tiger sharks we are going to observe are the golden retrievers of the shark family, they are still wild animals and, we are entering their home.

The class is over very quickly; I gather my things to leave, only to sit in my car with my hands shaking with a death grip on the wheel to keep myself from having a panic attack. Once I calm down enough to drive and get home, I pack my bags for the fourth time to unpack them again. My frustration is mixed with exhaustion as I throw my bags into the closet and choose to go to bed only to fall into a restless sleep in between the shark nightmares. When I wake up in the morning, I am drenched in sweat and out of breath.

My therapy session is to begin shortly; I am jumping from one side to the other. I know I will not be forced to go because I have done everything I need to do. I don't need to go through with this. However, I owe it to a little girl who read countless shark books at 2 a.m. with a flashlight hungry for knowledge. I stare at the screen to log onto the meeting platform with my mind racing, already overthinking future situations as I wait. When the session starts, I am embarrassed with how much praise is given to me for facing my fear. My therapist asked how I am coping when I go home, if I packed yet and how I was feeling to which I stumble over my answers. I am honest when I tell them I am getting cold feet, as much as I want to do it I feel like I have done more than enough, to which my therapist and instructor agree wholeheartedly. I tell them I owe it to a younger me to see this through, my instructor yelps for joy and tells me that I will never regret it and these sharks we are about to see are so incredibly gentle and love interacting with humans as it’s a popular dive destination. We end the session on a high note and my confidence has shattered the glass ceiling. I pack my bags for the fifth and final time; to my surprise, they stay packed and by the door until I grab them as I leave.

I ride this confidence high until we land, then for some reason, a switch flipped off in my brain, and instantly I came to the reality I was about to come face to face with a real-life shark. I felt the color drain from my face as we were checking in to the resort. I tried to hide it by saying I was tired from the journey. I decided I needed to save face, excused myself from the group for the rest of the day, and slept through the entire night.

I was startled awake in the morning by a heavy knocking on my door. I drag myself to it and open it to the assistant dive instructor who is talking very fast at me, telling me I need to hurry up or I am going to miss the boat, immediately I am wide awake, I fear my heart is going to beat out of my chest. I manage to get out to him that I need a few moments and retreat into my room. After a few minutes of focusing on my breathing, I get it together and grab everything I will need for the day. There is a fleeting moment as I walk out of the door of that fear creeping up; I shove it back down deep and focus on the carpet pattern in the hallway.

Everyone is in high spirits, the chatter on the way to the boat is enthusiastic. I mainly focus on my breathing trying not to draw attention to myself. As we all climb on board one by one, I am caught off guard by how calm I am as I step foot onto the boat. The boat pulls away from the dock; there is no turning back, I turn to my gear and start focusing on putting each piece on like I was getting ready for a dive in the pool. We arrive at the dive spot faster than expected; as the rules and safety signals are gone over for the last time, a wave of peace crashes over me.

Plunging into a pool and open water are vastly different, a pool, you are reassured by the walls and know that it is safe. The second I dropped into the water my heartbeat skyrocketed as I looked around and got myself situated out of the way while everyone else after me joined us under the water. Our instructor signaled for us to follow, we began our descent. As we were getting to our spot, the beauty of everything around me took my breath away, I wished more people would be able to see the breathtaking majesty marine excursions had to offer. It seemed that as soon as we gathered together in a group, a signal went out that company was here; out of the depths of darkness emerged a massive female tiger shark coming to investigate. She slowly made her way through the group, separating us, only to circle towards us again. Our leader reached out and rubbed her head, to which she responded extremely affectionately; the thought of a friendly family dog came to mind. She turned her sights on me; for a brief moment, I felt my heart stop and felt like I was out of my body as I watched myself reach my hand out to which she bopped her snout into; my stopped heart melted into a massive puddle.

After spending almost an hour with her and the few others who came to say hello, we made our way back to the surface world. I decided to sign up for whatever dive trip I can during the ascent. As we were heading back to the resort, my daydream of what I would experience during the next day's dive was interrupted by one of my teammates asking if I wanted to go to the pool when we returned, I smiled and replied there aren't any sharks in the public pool.

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