Medium T

Medium T was a happy tree because he happened to look like a male human, with two legs in the ground and thus three trunks, two arms raised towards the sky and thus two branches, several fingers at the end of each arm and thus several twigs, and even a face with a crown on top and thus additional sprigs. His resemblance to a human turned him into a celebrity, providing him with considerably more than the usual fifteen minutes of fame many humans aspired to have sometimes at the expense of everything else. Medium T was neither big or small. Medium T was medium-built but he lacked a prick. Moreover, he was not alone since another tree, somewhat similar to him lived close to him but looked more like a female human.

There is, however, a problem with Medium T. He is not real. He is a fictitious tree invented by a writer on Medium who wanted to save all trees from humans, at least, and then worry about forest fires and freaking killer bugs. Most of those forest fires, unfortunately, are on account of climate change, and thus because of humans, and even most of these bugs are able to proliferate (like us) because of climate change, and thus because of humans again. One could easily surmise that humans are the cause of most of the catastrophic problems on this planet. Is anyone even surprised? Are we all used to it by now? Do we even care? Really? I am not so sure. There is the Moon and there is Mars, and we seem to be ready to move there soon enough and leave Earth behind to the roaches and the scorpions and all the other survivors of the real hell that we are creating every day and every night all over this beautiful pale blue dot. Why not pray to God or whoever else we have got stashed for such an occasion? I am sure that they will help us as they always did throughout our bloodthirsty history of so-called human emancipation.

I am frankly ashamed to be human. Are you proud to be one? It is not our fault, you may reason. Yes it is. It is the fault of every one of us, myself included. There are no innocents here, except the kids, but only up to an undetermined point. We all have blood on our hands, and a lot of it is green like the blood of a tree. It is frankly disgusting for me to read stories about tree meat (wood) being chiseled and made into furniture or art, so I do not read such stories. If art requires the meat of another living being to become whatever it pertains to represent, it is simple butchery to me, no matter the result. I am appalled by everything wooden that we use as if it was metal or plastic. Ikea and all other tree-meat facilitators and all tree-meat consumers could rethink all this unending butchery. The human species is unrelenting. Do you even remember what we are capable of? In case you did or do not, you can always reread or read about it, but you need more than a lifetime to cover all the carnage. Religion? Please! Who are we kidding? I will not waste another sentence addressing that useless conversation. Christopher Hitchens hitch-slapped every religion, and several other humanists before him did it too if not as well. You can also reread or read him and them while you are at it.

Of course, most of you will dismiss all this as ravings, and perhaps even consider me a lunatic. I frankly do not give a shit because deep down, even if you disagree, you know that I am right and that we have exceeded our “welcome” on this planet. We are the true parasites, not any bug or virus. And to boot, we are killing ourselves, no one or anything else is to blame. Are there too many of us? Hell, yes! Are we smart? Hell, no! Some of us seem to be, but they are lost in the crowds or hiding from all the monsters we have become. What has brought this all of a sudden? you may wonder. Stupid words, in a nutshell. Meaningless words that are passed on as wisdom. Who am I to even suggest this and that? I am just another human sick and tired of all the human bullshit circulating down humanity’s toilet bowl with no end in sight. Why do you think that we invented music and fiction and other bloodless arts? As Nietzsche aptly wrote: We possess art lest we perish of the truth.

The truth seems to be deadly to many of us, and especially to those who have been duped to believe in Santa Claus. Are you outraged? Good for you. It is the first step. But no! Some of you must be outraged at me. Well, I am free to write as I feel as long as I do not aim my words at anyone in particular. Here, I have targeted the entire human species, with no freaking exceptions, except for the poor children. What about the children of the other animals that we butcher with no remorse or care in the world? What about the trees? Yes! What about the trees?

Dedicated to ScienceDuuude who may decide to change the name of his publication to Meatworkers of the World Unite since wood is tree meat, after all. He may be inundated by many more readers and writers, including all the butchers and meat carvers and many others. Perhaps even a closet cannibal pretending to be a regular meat lover will join the literary slaughter as the real butchery goes on unabated. What can we do? We can stop purchasing tree meat. There are other materials to replace it. We can save trees. We can plant trees. We can stop eating animal children like lamb and veal and put an end to that heartless industry. We can think about our actions and their direct consequences, especially since most of us believe that we have free will. If we do not change our ways, it only goes to show that we are really the monsters that I describe every day in my tree obituaries. All life should be given a chance to live and thrive, even flying roaches. I really do not mean it about the roaches even if I wrote it. They simply scare and repulse me to no end.