Invasion!

“PEG!” my husband yells. “C’MERE!”

I could tell from the tone of his voice that something was going on. I went as quickly as I could.

I found Mike in the bedroom, pulling his britches on, and all looked normal to me. “What?” I asked confused.

“What’s that?”

I looked around. “What’s what?”

“That,” and he pointed to the floor on the other side of the bed.

There, big as day, was a Longhorn Beetle. If you’ve never seen one, you’d be impressed by their size. These guys can get up to two inches long. This one was about an inch and a half.

I can’t find a lot of information about these guys, but I’ll tell you what I did find out.

The Brown Prionid is a borer beetle. It lays its eggs in wood where the grub eats and makes tunnels and emerges as an adult. I don’t know how long they stay a larva or how long they live once they’re adults, but I’m guessing not long. I found one reference that says adults don’t eat, which means they breed and die.

Gingerly, I picked him up and took him outside. I took his picture as he crawled on my hand.

He fell and landed in the wet grass. I touched him and he squeaked! I was so surprised I pulled my hand back thinking, if he can make a noise, maybe he can bite. I braved-up and picked him up again. Now he’s got water droplets on his elytra, his wing case. Yes, they can fly.

The Brown Pironid makes his squeaking noise by rubbing a hind leg against his elytra. They’re not known to bite but all bets are off if you man-handle one.

These beetles are attracted to light and likely how they find their way into your house.

A couple of nights later, I was laying there, sleeping, or in that land between awake and asleep, when I felt a tickle on my neck. You know the kind of tickle I mean. The light feathery kind of tickle only spider legs can bring. In a panic I brushed it off, got up on my elbow, and fumbled on the headboard for the flashlight I keep there. Since I’d been laying facing the center of the bed, this is where I looked for the interloper. When I don’t immediately see anything, I start exploring under pillows and covers. I don’t want a spider in my bed so I made an exhaustive search and when I couldn’t find anything, concluded that he was gone.

It goes without saying that I had a hard time relaxing. I’m starting to doze off when I hear something scritchy-scratch on my pillow. In a panic for the second time this night, I’m up on an elbow reaching for the flashlight. I flicked it on just in time to see a moth flutter down between my two pillows. I picked up the edge of the pillow and was shocked to find a Brown Pironid Beetle!

“It was probably the same one that got back inside after you turned him loose,” Mike says later.

I gently cupped the beetle in my hands, made my way to the kitchen, turned on the porch light (checking to make sure there’s no bears out there first), opened the door and tossed the beetle into the night.

I crawled back in bed, pulling the covers up tight, and think, that’s what I felt on my neck. Then I started to imagine what that beetle might feel like on my neck and wished I wouldn’t’ve. A bug that big and heavy wouldn’t leave such a little tickle behind, would he? I needed to get some sleep so I put the whole thing out of my mind and determine to go to sleep.

I’m in my sleeping position, on my side, and just starting to drift off when I feel a little tickle right between my breasts! You know the kind of tickle I mean. The light feathery kind of tickle only spider legs can bring. I gave it a quick brush and jumped right out of bed. This time when I turned on the flashlight, I see a little spider heading for the cover of the covers. I picked up the blanket and he took off deeper under the blankets. The next time I picked up the blanket, I was prepared to brush him from the bed but he was a fast little bugger! I missed him two more times and he was near the foot of the bed before I managed to get him brushed to the floor.

What a night! It was like an invasion! I’ve never, ever —no never! — had a night like that before!

The next day, or maybe the day after, we were going someplace and Mike backed the car out of the garage to wait for me. Making my way through the garage I see another Longhorn dead in the track of the car. Mike ran him over. The same beetle? Two different beetles? Three? I’ll never know.