How to Plant a Tree

There it is: the plum tree. Sitting next to a turtle shaped sandbox, it is a marvel to behold.

So I guess you're here because you want to learn how to plant a tree, no?

The process begins with a land survey. I find a visual survey is best. "What's vision?" you ask. Well, electromagnetic radiation travels as photons or waves of light. The visible light spectrum is made up of all the colors of the rainbow. 7 colors total: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.

Now, I know what you're asking yourself: why are there two shades of purple?

More importantly: how do I know what you're thinking?

Because your mind works like mine.

Where was I?

Oh yes, my creative project. I like to create works of art. I create trees out of paper. Intrigued? I thought you might be. Well at least I hope you might be.

Whether it is just a pencil sketch of a towering, powerful redwood oak on a simple paper drawing pad, or a complex collage of colored construction paper casting the illusion of creeping branches in the pale moonlight -- the trees are my escape. They are my craft.

Seldom will you find an animal in the paper tree. If there was a wild creature living there, it would be an owl.

The wise, old owl is an archetype in modern, popular literature. They are creatures of legend. They are magical beings.

Their enemy is the Wolf. The wolf is a mean, hungry spirit. Most likely, you have heard the folklore of a Big Bad Wolf.

Look, I'm just trying to write something entertaining. I want to make it as a writer.

I can hear the angels' voices as the image of flowing white dresses fills my brain. Gorgeous women's dresses, with little sunflowers stitched into it. Summer wear.

Where was I? Oh yeah, planting a tree. Once you've surveyed the land, pick a good spot to plant the tree. Be mindful of how large the tree will grow, and make sure it's branches will not encroach on your neighbor's property.

Dig a hole in the ground. Keep the soil next to the hole. You want a hole about three times as wide as the root ball and three times as deep.

Place the tree in the hole. Cover carefully with soil. Water generously.

As you know paper is made from trees. But don't worry. Trees harvesting for paper production is environmentally safe. The oxygen humans breathe comes from the algae in the ocean.

A tree experiences all seasons.

Yearly weather cycles.

In every 365 days, there are at least some that I look forward to more than others. Here are the holidays I enjoy:

1) January - New Year's Day (the first day of the new year)

2) February - Valentine's Day (a holiday of love and chocolate)

3) March - St. Patrick's Day (an Irish holiday to drink and be merry)

4) April - Easter (Jesus dies)

5) May - Victoria Day (a famous British queen)

6) June - Father's Day (a special day for dads like me)

7) July - Canada Day (our home and native land)

8) August - Heritage Day (remember where you came from)

9) September - Labor Day (work hard, play hard)

10) October - Halloween (spooky)

11) November - Remembrance Day (never forget)

12) December - Christmas (Jesus is born)

My birthday is in July. My daughter's is in June. My son was born in December.

My question is: do you love me?

If you love me, leave a tip!

What? You hate me? You would say that. Typical Aries.

Well if you hate me, leave a tip! (There's no reason for us both to be unhappy.)