You Mugged the Wrong Guy

Look, man, I feel so fucking bad about what happened that I’m only reporting it because I have to. Sorry about that, too. Normally, a mugging pisses me off, makes me feel stripped of my humanity, but I was pretty deep in my feels today, and I hope you understand why, that it wasn’t some intentional joke from some asshole who’s been watching you work this train with no repercussions.

You see, I understand about the tough economy and getting a side hustle and all that—it’s why I took the gig with Dave and Steve; I’m struggling to get by, too. And it’s a good tactic, really it is. I believed you, truly believed we were going to hook up. I’m sure you already know this, but you’re smoking hot, and maybe you should give honest hustling a try. With your looks, especially if you have the equipment to back it up for a full package, that could be extremely lucrative for you.

I was disappointed that we weren’t hooking up when you ran off with my Nordstrom bag, and maybe my pride was a bit hurt from believing myself to be a different kind of prey than you turned out to be after.

I’m sure you were disappointed as well. I can’t even begin to imagine what must have danced across your face when you opened that shopping bag. Did you size me up, thinking we wear the same one, relying on blind faith that you would be pleased with the contents of your grab bag?

I called Dave and Steve at the resort that morning. I hated to disturb their romantic getaway, but when you’re pet sitting and there’s a problem with the dog, you call the dog daddies. I was on my way to the vet when I accepted your invitation to get coffee. You see, well, I’m sure you did see that little Trixie crossed the rainbow bridge. She passed this morning, and Dave told me to take her to the vet and they would take care of everything. If you still have Trixie, would you mind dropping her off at the vet? Dave and Steve would appreciate it.

*Author note: well, it’s really a question: Should I bring this up to the minimum word count for the apology challenge?