Twilight’s Last Viewing

In the blue hazed town of Forks, Washington, a story way too popular for the human sat high-school tables unfolded. Printed on paper, the tale was next to magnificent. The experience of being a tween discovering a supernatural romance, was unmatched. As each book came to be, all the giddy girls raced to the book store, eager to keep up with the saga, especially with the knowledge that a movie form would come soon. Each chapter was captivating, it’s audience assuming the film would be the same as they beat the weakest fans to the ticket booth.

I remember being confused. The movie was pretty on the mark in terms of the words written, and some of the characters were casted well, but that movie, come to be all the movies, were just straight up awful. The hype had to be a lie right? I couldn’t have been the only one thinking that, but it seemed I was outnumbered by pure obsession that has, unfortunately for me, been carried by my generation in to our late 20’s and early 30’s.

I do not get it. I do understand people like campy things. They tend to crave cringe, and although I agree to some extent, I can not in terms of the twilight film franchise. They may have blossomed in to an elite actress & actor, but in my correct opinion Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson did not deserve the major roles they were given at the time. Bella Swan and Edward Cullen deserved better. They deserved to be visualized as they were imagined, and they were undoubtedly let down.

Bella Swan was indeed quite a bland & nervous girl in the book, and Kristen may have portrayed that, but to an extreme that made watching it uncomfortable. Was she ever told by producers that part of acting, a big part really, is facial expression? They might as well have casted someone with copious amounts of botox to the point their face was frozen. Without words you couldn’t tell if her portrayal of Bella was happy, sad, frustrated, annoyed, in pain, or at ease. She was excruciatingly awkward with every encounter played out. Which was embarrassing to watch considering so many of the other actress’s and actors were fairly on top of their character’s demeanor.

She may have got the check mark on Bella’s looks , but I can not watch those movies without wanting her off my screen. I say the same for the now ever so talented, Robert Pattinson. I must know who casted him I just.. I just want to talk. I still to this day can not decide whom I’m more upset about, but they were both atrocious picks for these characters I once cherished. Why was this sparkly man perceived to be in constant agony all the time? Yeah he yearned for Bella’s blood, and her dullness I suppose, but I could not stand that furrowed face that only let up once in a new moon when Robert himself tired of his own role and coped with unwarranted humor. They may be a match in boring heaven, but they were not my Bella Swan & Edward Cullen.

The way he was described in the book was this masculine, utterly sculpted being, whom defeated the test of time in the handsome category. I know he played an 100 something year old, but Mr.Pattinson did not succeed this pedestal. I would not say he was out right ugly- just Frog & Toad like, and in terms of appearance alone, I was team Jacob all the way. Even though Jacob and I also have some beef, but that’s on Stephenie Meyer not Taylor Lautner- my sweet sweet Shark Boy.

Robert Pattinson did not have the vampiric swag that let’s say, Damon Salvatore in the Vampire Diaries does. Now thats a chefs kiss show, even with it straying away from the books original idea. Unfortunately, they did not pull that off with twilight. Damon was unknown to me at the time, but he is what I pictured while engulfing what should have been the reality I sat down to see with my popcorn. They did make a great couple, both hugely compatible with their bleakness, but they ruined the entirety of the movies for me.

Praise be to the other actresses and actors though. I throughly enjoyed their picks. Ashley Greene as Alice was top tier, the entire rest of the Cullen's was on point with the pen, and even Charlie, Bella's friends, her enemies, and the pack were packed with outwardly emotions that didn’t rattle my nervous system. Gotta give credit where credit it due.

To continue my brief pause from my harsh critiques, I will now name some even more positives. Emphasis on the brief. The unique blue filter that was stamped on each scene of the first movie was an unexpectedly nice touch that aged quite well. They may as well copyright that as a part of their brand because I don’t think anyone I know doesn't associate that filter with these movies. I also enjoyed the destinations they chose to unveil Bella and Edward’s world. The art of the filming itself was enjoyable to indulge in as well.

Okay and that concludes my liking, back to our regularly scheduled program of negative facts. The effects were subpar even for its time, although the gore was relatively up to pace, the, well, “running” for example, made me laugh. The CGI of the werewolf’s, made me, honestly, I still haven’t formed a full opinion on that. They looked decent enough I suppose, but the fact they had more expression than Bella and Edward really threw me off.

All of these judgements are of scarce memory, since I do not dive in to these movies anymore unless I am forced to hate watch it with the ones that find it comforting for some odd reason. That being said, the one thing, that I shouldn’t have been surprised for honestly, but was still jump scared by was… their spawn. What in the hell is that thing?! All the rotten tomatoes should have been thrown at the movie theater screen when that creature popped up. At the time of seeing the thing born to its just as unnerving parents, I thought this must be a joke right? They've turned campy in to pure comedy at this point right? There’s just no way they made their blessed child look like that on purpose right? I was mistaken, and really feel for the young actress Mackenzie Foy who had to finish that monstrosity's role out. Given, being that I did not self harm myself in to watching Breaking Dawn part 2, I did not know she existed as a real life human until she popped up on my TikTok one day acting like she was as great as the baby that was on the Nirvana cover. Renesmee, come as you aren't.

That was my wits end with the Twilight movie franchise. Honestly it was the moment after the deer was eaten in the first one, but I needed this critique to be a certain amount of words so here we are. My beliefs aside; the Twilight movie and all its descendants are still one of the most sought after “classics” to date. I’ll still stand by that if the novels weren’t as celebrated as they were, the success wouldn’t have surpassed their budget for the first film. Regardless, I will be visiting Forks one day to frolic in the cringe that took some of my best and most beloved tween reading from me. I knew I should just have stuck with the purity of Ellen Hopkins.