The Song That Never Was

I started my song writing journey many years ago. I didn't actually start sharing until fairly recently as I begun to find my voice in a way that felt meaningful to me.

The first song I ever started writing as an adult started out as a poem. Most of my songs start out that way. I had gone through one hell of a nightmare during my first relationship. I was only 14 when I met the guy. He was 20. He didn't tell me the truth, and my family was so shitty and broken that no questioned it or stopped me when I ran off with the loser. I thought I was going to get my happily ever after. This guy promised to love and take care of me. He promised to be my protector as I was already fleeing from a home full of abuse and I was stupid enough to believe him.

As the years went by, (seven of them) I tried to convince myself I was just over-reacting. I was crazy. Everything was fine. I was lying to myself and hiding from the family that I knew would say those four words I would never give them the power to say, "I told you so." So I stayed. Through horrific abuse and cheating and so many things I should have never tolerated.

Music and poetry were beginning to feel like an outlet for me in one of the most depressing times of my life. I started writing about the harm I wanted to do to my own self instead of actually harming myself. In my messed-up head, it seemed like it was the healthier thing to do. I isolated myself from the world (quite literally on a secluded mountain with no internet service or phone lines) and wrote and fantasized about ending my life so no one could ever hurt me again.

It was a dark time and with it came this poem turned song that I never was able to finish. It doesn't even have a title and maybe I should have thrown it away years ago. I'm not really sure why I keep it, if I'm being honest.

Untitled by Sara Wilson

Verse 1

Convinced he must’ve fallen from above,

She mistook the blazing spark for love.

He said the right things, played the part,

She dove in blind, she opened her heart.

But days grew thin and nights got colder,

His warmth wore off as silence told her

Everything she didn’t want to know.

What you think is love can truly rot real slow.

(Pre‑Chorus)

She kept calling, he kept drifting,

Every unanswered ring kept shifting

Something fragile in her chest…

She felt insane. She couldn’t rest.

— CHORUS MISSING —

Verse 2

If he showed up, he never stayed,

Left her with the mess he made.

He kissed her cheek, she turned away

“Just leave. I know you never stay.”

Excuses spilled like broken glass,

Cutting deeper every pass.

She begged for truth, she begged for proof,

He stood there, cold and always aloof.

Pre‑Chorus 2

“Tell me I’m the one you choose,

Tell me there’s nothing left to lose.”

But he just shook his head instead…

And something deep within her bled.

— CHORUS STILL MISSING —

Bridge (unfinished)

When he came back later that night,

He walked in on a crimson sight

Walls and mirrors were painted red,

Her final words left, cold and unsaid:

“You can’t be faithful. You don’t know how.

I'd love to see you cheat on me now”

-

That's all I ever ended up writing. I ended up finding a way out and running and never looking back. Thank God.

It's a very dark song/poem. Born from a very dark time in my life. I think I could finish it today, but I don't feel suicidal like I did back then. The fact that I ever considered ending my life because of being surrounded by shitty people who truthfully wouldn't care one way or the other if I was dead or alive is cringey to me. I treat my music and poetry often like my own personal brand of therapy and this one just sort of feels unnecessary these days.

The girl inside of me who hates the idea of unfinished work desperately wants to finish it. But the happy, healing, and almost whole Sara kinda wants to throw it into a fire and watch it burn. The douche bag it was written about isn't even worth the paper I wrote it on.

I remember these feelings as if they were yesterday and I hope and pray no one can relate to them. Maybe one day, I'll finish it just for shits and giggles and completely close that horrific chapter of my life.

Or maybe I won't.