Sink or Swim

The story is a true tragedy no one saw coming. The ship thought to be unsinkable did just that in 1912. The fate of the Titanic inspired hundreds of stories, television productions, and movies.

The blockbuster, Titanic, from 1997, directed by James Cameron, is the movie which I'll be addressing.

In my opinion, the movie didn't live up to the inflated hype.

Admittedly, there are some things done quite well, such as costuming and special effects. Mr. Cameron clearly did his research. Okay, keeping heads above the water on that score.

Here's where I think the movie fell short:

1. Titanic was too drawn out. Anytime you ask an audience to sit for more than three hours, you'd better give them more than sap and death. I'm relieved that I waited for this one to come out on DVD so I could pause it and eat a meal and then pause it later to lose said meal. Maybe this is partially a flaw on my part. I've never been good at sitting for long stretches. But, even with the many cuts that were reportedly made, I still maintain that it was just too darned long. I'm drowning over here. Make it stop!

2. An unlikely, overdrawn love story. Sure, everyone likes to think good girls are drawn to unattainable guys, whether it's the proverbial "bad guy" (Think Han Solo and Princess Leia, Star Wars, or Baby and Johnny, Dirty Dancing, etc.) or someone below (She's All That) or above their status (Pretty Woman, etc.) But, in the early 1900's, women of means just didn't fraternize with those of lowly station. Sure, Rose was unhappy with her engagement, but to make her attempt suicide just to be drawn to the leading man who rescues her is too much for my taste. That idea should have sunk as it hit the water.

3. Boring Dialogue. The characters of Titanic lacked the emotional depth of a bathtub. Jack and Rose say each other's names a lot, perhaps because they have nothing of greater import to lend to the story. Mr. Cameron should have hired someone to write the screenplay instead of reportedly yelling at nearly everyone else. More stinking sinking.

Titanic was a titanic undertaking. It cost a record $200 million, which was over budget. It garnered four Golden Globes, 11 Academy Awards from 14 nominations, and four Grammy Awards for music associated with the movie. It won again and again over Good Will Hunting, As Good as it Gets, Men in Black, and Wag the Dog — all of which I would much prefer to see again. Titanic grossed $2.26 billion. Why, people?

Okay, yes, humans have a thing for tragedy. This one, with the death of nearly 1500 people, really stuck. Even an animated movie about it would probably have leverage.

This long, boring, unrealistic love story didn't do it for me. If you disagree, I'm not going to get on your case. Just don't ask me to watch it with you. I'd rather go swimming.