Immortal Story, Mortal Patience: A Critique of Ramses the Damned

Warning: I am terrible at critiquing anything... I do not enjoy it—you have been warned!

That said, this is a contest, and I love a challenge!

Once upon a time, I was referred to a book by a dear friend because he heard me say that I did not like Anne Rice's vampire books.

Kevin highly recommended Ramses the Damned...... and I was excited to read it, as I respected his opinion... boy, was I in for a nasty disappointment.

This was years ago, and so for this critique, I went back and snagged the audiobook—I don't do well with audiobooks, but that is the only way that I am going to be able to sit through this again... plus, I have better things to do than sit around and reread this medieval torture device disguised as literature!

This might be why I don't do critiques—if I don't like something, I stop doing it. Lols.

But at least it's read by Michael York; he has a good voice!

Update: I have shut it off twice before the first few pages are up. It is just as slow-moving as I remember. While I love the attention to detail and the thoroughness...... I have to say—just get to the damned point already... good God!

So... Anne Rice's works.... oh my dear God!

My biggest gripe is that she has amazing concepts, riveting ideas.... delivery and execution just.... bleeergh!

My biggest gripe—as an author, Anne Rice made me consistently interested in what she is writing about and so absolutely frustrated by the experience of her actually writing about it with consistency.

Well, I guess she is consistent. Lols.

Her writing is described thusly:

Lush, highly descriptive, and deeply atmospheric. Her prose is ornate and poetic, often leaning into rich sensory details, philosophical musings, and dramatic Gothic intensity that fully immerse readers in dark, emotional landscapes.

I say:

Dry as kiln dust, the opposite of exciting, a snoozefest that makes you feel like you haven't slept at all, just got irritated while trying to sleep. Overworded, bloated, patience-taxing, and absolutely refuses to get to the point!

I'm pretty sure that there is someone like me out there being tortured by having this read to them and forgetting their safeword!

While I respect Anne Rice and her impressive body of work, as you can see—I do not care for her writing STYLE.

I understand that that is the very thing that draws the particular crowd of readers that loves her work (my father and a few close friends, to name a few)... however... no! And I get it... sometimes, to get a book, you havta pad it a little...... but 400 pages where more than half of it is padding is sliding more towards college textbook than enjoyable reading material.

And the thing is that I wanted to like it..... it had all of the hallmarks of a book premise that I would be fascinated by. Check this:

It follows Ramses the Great, an immortal former pharaoh living in Edwardian London under the alias Dr. Ramsey, whose longing for Queen Cleopatra and bond with an English heiress spark dangerous, supernatural events.

I mean, wow!

Now that sounds like something that I would love to read.

Buuut, NO... and I kept reading because my friend raved about it, and I genuinely wanted to give this a go, plus I really liked the plot...... oh my God!

I was almost done with the book, and I felt something akin to slowly crawling along a wet, sticky cement floor for over 400 pages, and I still hadn't come across truly significant oomph!

It was slow, plodding, boring, and I wanted the hours of my life back that I had used to read it!

I couldn't whip up even a shred of feeling for any of the characters or any sort of mental connection.

It was dry as dust—no pun intended.

The disappointment was palpable.

I tried to read Interview with the Vampire and The Vampire Lestat... and I will say that my friend was right—they were worse than Ramses the Damned. But that is NOT an endorsement of this book!

And the worst part was that I was so looking forward to it due to the plot!

I can safely say that Anne Rice's writing style is antithetical to my preference in books.

I refuse to...well ok, I am unable to enjoy a work that spends 14 pages contemplating the curtains of a room!

Ramses the Damned points of dismay:

Plot—wonderful!

Delivery—oh hell no!

Execution—Just Why!?

Characters—lack of anything resembling coming to life—good thing this is about a mummy! Lols.

Interplay between characters—toast seasoned with hopes and prayers has more going for it.

Pacing—pretty sure she did this to punish readers.

Closure—again, pretty sure that she did this to punish readers.

End of the book—sadness for what could have been a decent read and wanting the time it took to slog through over 400 pages back. It's not even about the money at this point; it's about the hours of my life!