Gone Fishing

This idea for a micro fiction piece was borne from the fact that I grew up fishing the rivers and lakes of Minnesota. Being that it will soon be the second anniversary of my father’s passing, and that my brother continued to fish with him until his car accident, I wanted to make this piece about a father and son. The story itself is purely fictional.

Below are two versions of the same tale from two different points of view. Does one of these versions speak more loudly to you than the other?

***

1.     

My son, Matthew, and I never missed a Saturday fishing. When he was a baby, I fished off the dock by our home with him on my back, catching sunfish, bluegill, and the occasional bass. When he was old enough to stand, I got him a cheap, plastic rod.

I still remember his squeal when he caught his first, tiny fish. “Is it a keeper, Daddy?” he asked, his expectant blue eyes shining like the water.

“Of course. We’ll cook it up for dinner.” He never knew that the filet I handed him was from one I caught.

When he was four, we were fishing on the boat, when I got a huge strike. “Matthew, this is The Big One! Drop the anchor and grab the landing net.” I heard the splash of the anchor. I was hooting, hollering, and yelling to Matthew, teaching him all about the pump and reel technique. As it came near the boat, I saw the biggest Northern Pike I had ever seen. I told Matthew, “Bring that net now.”

No response.

I turned and dropped my rod. Matthew wasn’t on the boat. He was face-down in the water. I pulled him out. His leg was tangled on the anchor line. He had removed his life jacket. I did CPR, but it was too late.

My son was gone.

I will never fish again. I mostly sit on my porch and stare at nothing. There isn’t enough booze to wipe away the nightmare of that day.

2.     

My daddy was the bestest. We always went fishin' every Saturday, no matter what.

I never forgotted the day I caughted my firstest fish. I thoughted it was too small, but Daddy cookded it up anyways. I knowed he gave me a bigger piece, but I didn’t care. It tasted the bestest.

One day, we was out on Daddy’s boat. I gotted super hot and tooked off the life vest, even though Daddy told me never to. I shouldna.

He caughted a big fish, and I wanted to be the bestest helper, so I threwed the anchor over like he ask’ded. Only, I never knowed the rope was around my foot. I wented in the water.

I tried to scream, but I swallowed lots of lake. Plus, I heared Daddy carrying on, so he wouldna heard me.

Now, I ‘spect I’m a ghost or sumpin’. I look down on how sad my Daddy is. I try to tell him it weren’t his doin’, but it’s like he don’t hear me.

He just sits and drinks.

Maybe one day, he’ll be with me so we can go fishin’ again.

***

Gone Fishing ends up being a somber title for a dark piece of micro fiction. Although the topic is tragic, this was a fun exercise. Point of view can make a big impact on a story. Now, I need help deciding. Is this piece stronger from the father's or the son’s side of the story?

On the one hand, I see the value of the father’s POV. Most readers will be adults. Most will probably be parents. They can put themselves in the place of the father losing his beloved son. Big impact!

While the story from the son's POV has no dialogue between the father and son, it ends on a higher note, which I like. It has an innocence, appropriate to the POV. Did you get tripped up by the child's grammar? That would also be valuable information.

I will put forth yet another option. I could leave this as a two-part story as you just read it, offering both points of view. Did it make sense as you read it that way? Are the two versions different enough to warrant including both? If I choose to do that, do I need to somehow link them together, or was the intent obvious?

Keeping in mind that this is micro fiction, have I told a complete enough story with the shorter number of words I allotted myself, or do I need to add more details? Please let me know what you think.

I appreciate your time reading this piece and hopefully offering your opinions about point of view. I look forward to reviewing and considering your responses.