Customer Service

Ever wake up to a bunch of illegitimate fees? Bank, phone company, car rental, airline, credit card, utility company, etc.? It happens to everyone. And when it does, we call customer service, possibly further infuriated by annoying robot systems designed to keep you from speaking to a real person and impossibly long wait times once you’re allowed to enter the queue of angry customers demanding service. It’s exasperating.

That exasperation leads us to lash out at the first human we’re connected to. We shouldn’t do this for several reasons, the first of which is that the person you’re speaking to is probably getting fucked over worse than you by the company. This leads us to my thesis: be someone the person on the other end wants to help. That’s the only thing you have control of, so take control of it to your benefit.

The person taking calls is low, low, low on the corporate ladder. Your problem is not with this person, so don’t take it out on him or her. Instead imagine yourself getting screamed at for your employer’s sins day in, day out. Not fun.

Here’s how to become someone the rep wants to help. Start by saying hello and then answering the ID questions that allow your account to be pulled up. While the rep is pulling up your account, ask how he or she is, where they are, the weather—something benign that establishes human courtesy. If you can, get them talking about themself for a moment, strengthen the human connection.

Now you’re someone who recognized this person’s humanity, making you a human instead of a customer, and this is what you want. Begin describing your complaint with, “I know you didn’t do this, otherwise you wouldn’t be answering the phone, but this is what happened: state your problem, then end with, “Is there anything you can do to help me with this?” This brings the human connection back, those tiny pronouns.

This has been working for me for thirty years. I become someone the representative wants to help instead of being just another asshole berating him or her for something they didn’t do. If they want to stay on the line chatting, accommodate that if it’s not an imposition—you’re actively improving this person’s day. If your problem requires a supervisor, the rep’s approach to the supervisor will support you instead of it being another “this asshole” referral.

Be appreciative, thank the people for their time, attention, and effort. The best way to receive great customer service is to shuck off that customer label and be a human being.