you were my serendipity in this habromania

" Goodness ! This media is making me sick! I am taking a break from it." I remember deactivating my Instagram account on a chilly February eve. I thought about you while doing so, that i wont be getting to talk to you. But i did it anyways, thinking you wouldn't even notice.

Later i have often pictured you in your workout fits, while i dressed up for a walk. Whenever i grabbed a bite of cheesy pizza, i imagined you taking your healthy protein-rich diet. Whenever i lacked consistency, i thought about you practicing before sunrise for your athletic races for hours. Simply, i didn't stop thinking about you even for once.

I were taken by surprise, on seeing your text immediately as i logged in again. " STILL ALIVE!?"- you have texted. I were on cloud nine , just by the thought that you actually cared to remember me. We had a pretty nice chat , and i were amazed seeing you chatting so enthusiastically, with a surreal person like me. All i never knew that we were never gonna stop chatting for a month straight , exactly ,and after that we'd pause forever.

I can't believe me while telling this that i fell for a person i never saw, NEVER, just felt his energy, through his texts, in his efforts. Never in my life, someone had treated me with so much kindness. Never in my life someone had fallen in love with me before. Such an exquisite feeling it is - i never knew. He was so distant, yet he felt so real, even realest.

Sad part is i never got a chance to tell him how much i adored him, more than he did, or not, may be he loved me with all his potential. I never got a chance to tell him i like the way he'd call out my name, share his scars with me, and ask me to decorate them. I failed to tell him that when we meet kiss me till we are out of our breaths. I couldn't tell him how pretty his face looked in all the snaps he sent me, how i wanted to lay by his side at nights, in his arms. I wanted to be someone who never dared to leave his side.

But before any such thing can happen, he asked me to leave. Leave because i succumbed to my insecurities of being not good enough for him, and asked to be just friends. While he had different plans. He saw me as THE ONE. He wanted to love me, show all the wonders, protect, and be my side, i too wanted this but " i never was ready so i watched him go".

At last he said I'd recover in a week, as i never caught any feelings. I wish this too were true as the rest of his pretty statements. He does not know, i don't recover, i just get better at pretending that am a blast. Should have i told him i were learning to play his favorite song- so that i can see him smile? Should have i told him that i just waited for his text all day? That i'd wake up in midnight to check if he texted anything? Should have i cared to mention that it boils my blood whenever i upset him? or whenever he's hurt? should have i told him I'd gotten a date planned for him? I SHOULD have , at least he would have known i DID catch feelings, even stronger than him.

Now i don't know what and why to wake up in morning? Everything seems to be sinking now. I still miss him, even it's months. I didn't move on in a week, wonder if I'd ever do so. I am so lost, he became my strength, my REAL HAPPINESS, ease, my comfort everything, and now i just don't know how to survive. But i will, cause he once said be strong world is bitch.

All i want is to see him once. Just one meet. To meet him in person and tell him all at once what the truth is. I learned you are never or ever ready. There's no point of even having such a self doubt when A person loves you. When you receive love, you should accept it and give more. Say your heart out before it gets late. Just say it out! cause once gone they are never coming back. So this is actually to the boy who loved me , and i loved him back, but my low-esteem issues messed up all and everything.