Why I Am Becoming Comfortable Telling My Guy Friends That I Love Them.

Because nothing makes me more uncomfortable. Like a lot of men, I grew up around an emotionally unavailable father. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy and I love him, but he’s a product of his toxic upbringing. I’ve always had problems expressing my emotions to people, let alone my guy friends. Even expressing myself to those I’m closest with is hard.

When I feel that nagging tug of instinct trying to stop me from getting emotional, I know that it’s an area that I need to grow in. I need to unlearn being emotionally unavailable, it’s not good for my friendships. There’s not even a good reason for me to not return affection with my friends, it just makes me uncomfortable.

There are a million meanings of “I love you”, and the kind I’m trying to say isn’t romantic, at least I don’t think so. It’s more of an, “I appreciate you”, which feels just as uncomfortable to me sometimes. My friends know this and they don’t expect me to reciprocate their affection, but for my own growth, I don’t want to be that guy.

That brings me to my good friend, he likes to be called Jerome I’m sure. Jerome and I were good friends until recently. I’m not sure why we grew apart, but any attempts I’ve made to contact him haven’t gone through for some reason. He might be busy, but it’s been far too long without him checking in. I’d like to tell him that I miss him, because I know he’d appreciate it, but that wall of stoicism stands in my way.

Jerome has always been more comfortable with his emotions. He spent a large part of his childhood around female figures, so that toxic masculinity isn’t seeped too far into his skin. I’m thankful for that, because it’s a trait I can try to borrow for perspective. I’m not sure where Jerome is, but I love him, miss him, and appreciate the time we had together.

I have a variety of other guy friends that I try to maintain contact with on a semi-daily basis. Sometimes I just get the itch to hear from them and I send a message to whichever group chat we’re apart of. Still, I know that the times of us getting together on the weekend are over. No matter what is going on in our lives, a simple message is enough for me.

My unemotional father has his own group of friends that he’s known for about half a century, literally. While I know that’s not common, I’d like to imitate him and keep some of my friends from floating away to wherever they will. Connection is important, but I want more than that. I want people around me that I can look upon and say I appreciate.

Maybe I’m just in a mood, call it loneliness. I’m not alone by any means, but there’s a special feeling that comes from platonic affection. I have two brothers and it’s not easy to keep in contact with either of them for their unique circumstances, so maybe I’m looking for surrogates. Regardless, I do love my guy friends and I’m becoming more comfortable with showing it.

So, I invite you, dear reader, to tell one of your platonic friends that you love them today. Better yet, I challenge you to do it. For some, it’s an easy task. For others, not so much, but it is important. Feel free to say, “I love you” in whatever manner you wish, even if it’s just, “you’re my friend”. People need to know that we appreciate them, because we do and I’m tired of not saying it.

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