What hurts more than the break-up?

Good 4 u by Olivia Rodrigo is on repeat and I've taken a break from checking to see if you've unfollowed me yet, to check if our photo's are still there - oops yep, you've archived them. Or deleted them. Who cares? I obviously do.

I'm out here questioning why it's more upsetting when the boy I was 'kinda' seeing (who is also unfortunately my neighbour) logged me out of his Stan account. Why do the things I'll miss about the relationship serve m0re importance than the finding the closure I feel I deserve?

'Don't you want to have some sort of conversation with him about what he said?' My friend said tonight over dinner. The truth is, I have already had these conversations. And the truth is, I'm tired of it.

SO PLEASE can someone on here explain to me why he didn't want to commit to me bu got mad and seized communication when he didn't get what he wanted - a "relationship" without the label. That don't work for me baby.

Here are 5 things that hurt more than the break-up...in my opinion.

1. When they stop watching your Instagram stories

Isn't the whole purpose of me posting now just so that you can see it and wish you were with me? What else is the point of it? You might as well unfollow me if you aren't going to view my content and keep me feeling shit about it. I looked so good today, but you won't know that now would you?

2. Tbh when they stop following you altogether

How rude, honestly. You're missing out on great content regardless.

3. They log you out from their STAN account

So here's a problematic story for me. I don't pay for Netflix, Spotify or up until recently, STAN either. But he logged me out from his account which hurt me a lot. Because I had even set myself up with a cute little profile and was onto season 7 of my favourite show and he just decided to go ahead and cut me into pieces like that. Like putting a chainsaw through a credit card. I felt replaced and sad and bored. Another 30 day free trial for me.

4. They live next door to you, or you work together, or you're family friends

Whatever the reason might be it's extremely hard to get someone out of your mind when they are RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. I can hardly be in my room without hearing his laugh, or smell the cigarette he is smoking from his balcony, or hear the front gate shut when he's on his way to work. This is tragic really, and there's nothing I can do in my power to stop it except move house. Which won't be happening anytime soon considering my lease isn't up until next year. ugh!

5. The fact that you actually were never officially 'together'. You were in the type of relationship that everyone questioned but you were just as confused as them.

hahaha yeah, that's right. I would say to him 'I want to date you' 'Do you think we could be in a relationship instead of this which isn't really going anywhere?' 'I am happy with you so why can't we just make this more than we are doing?' And the answer would always be dodged with a 'we'll see'. Which eventually led me to seek other options outside of our neighbourhood and reunite with an old summer flame. Was I a bad person for doing that? Absolutely not. Has he made me out to be the bad guy? Absolutely.

My friend told me that she could have written 20 dot points of reasons why you shouldn't date your neighbour but for now I've only managed 5. Good enough. If you have any other points feel free to DM me on Instagram and make sure you leave a '<3' if you enjoyed this story!

Until next time chickens, xx

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Elly-Grace Rinaldis is currently in her final year at QUT as a Fine Arts student majoring in Creative Writing. She adores writing about her Greek heritage on the island of Kythira and the many summers she has spent there. When she isn’t gallivanting around the globe, Elly-Grace is found in Brisbane watching the sunset with a glass of pinot noir. Her debut poetry collection ‘Five Summers: An Anthology’ is available now.