Vocal: A Path to Freedom

I had never been one to hide myself. As a child I was always the odd one out and by adulthood it had almost become a point of pride for me. I didn’t drink alcohol. I formed and flew paper planes around at parties. I collected the vests of strangers at clubs (it’s funny what people will lend if you just ask nicely). One of my fondest memories with my husband features the two of us quite literally sitting and kissing in a tree. We were absolutely adults at the time. Somehow I’d made it through the majority of my life living in complete transparency.

So imagine, if you will, how heartbreaking it must have been, as I approached my thirties, to find myself trapped inside of a web of lies and secrets for the first time in my life. The last two years have certainly come with their challenges, considering the floods, fires, and plague, but somehow, still, this was by far the most trying for me. I thought I would drown in it. I could feel the need to exist freely burning me up from the inside out as I tried with all of my will to quiet my own voice and truth.

Existing, day by day, as a shadow of my former self, I saw no way to break free and as the losses began to compound the path from out of the darkness became shrouded itself. Little did I know, a lifeline was just around the corner. When I found my way to Vocal, I thought of it as little more than an opportunity to pluck at some dusty creative strings that had laid dormant for longer than I’d care to admit. What I found in it, however, during my darkest days, was a safer way of sharing my secrets...sharing them with the world.

I first discovered the true power of Vocal during the ‘Color is Pride: True Colors’ challenge, where I was asked to write a poem inspired by the idea of colour. I wrote three, all of which allowed me to write about different parts of myself. First, I shared the personae I explored through the world of tabletop RPGs in Mind Matters | Poets. Next, it was my experience of navigating life with ADHD in The Secret World of Go, Go, Go | Poets.

The most important piece, however, the one that allowed me to tap into these secrets I had been forced to bear, was Did you ever see it? | Poets. I poured my heart and soul into this piece. All that I had kept locked away for the safety and comfort of others was released in a way that did not harm those most important to me, for only those who knew my tale could fully grasp the meaning behind those words. As I make clear in the opening stanza, “It shines a light so pure and bright For those who know where to go”.

The joy of poetry lies in interpretation. It is pure emotion that finds itself painted upon the page, while meaning is so often brought to the table through the experiences of those doing the reading. A person reading this poem may even question certain words or phrases as they bring their own understanding to the piece. They may go so far as to assume error in parts. The thing to remember with poetry, however, is that we know there is very little room to write, so it is in this creative form more than any other that everything, down to the most seemingly insignificant word or punctuation point, is placed with intent. Consider, “They linger in one unsung song, To those apart remains unknown Until the song has ended”. I can guarantee, there is much more here than there may seem to be at first glance and I’m so thankful for the opportunity to share such overbearing secrets in this way.

What a difference the space to share and show your true self can make. Vocal has provided a means of self-expression that I so sorely needed, and I’m certain I’m not the only one. I look forward to sharing so much more of myself here, and I can only hope all those who join us on this Vocal writing journey experience the same freedom and joy I myself have found.