Valentine’s Day Thoughts

Valentine’s Day is a pointless holiday in my eyes. I believe that you can show love, spoil your partner anytime of the year without there needing to be a holiday for it. Maybe I don’t like the holiday because I’ve witness one too many not plan anything for their partner except on this holiday. It breaks my heart when I see that.

I wasn’t planning on doing anything for Valentine’s Day this year, even though I have a man. But I wasn’t going to go against it if he wanted to do something. He did bring it up and he wanted to plan everything with no effort on my end. That’s not how I operate. There needs to be effort on my end too. I love spoiling the man.

Before I started dating the guy in the picture above, my thought process was “I need to be independent”. I need to be able to take care of myself and not need anyone. I needed to be strong enough for myself and the people around me. I need to know I could do that before I felt comfortable enough letting someone in deep. I need my own career and my own place. I need to be stable. I’ve been fighting tooth and nail to get myself there. I worked hard for work, my family and school.

I gained a reputation in school and work. It helped me step up and see what I am capable of.

Then this guy came back into my life. We talked a couple times before but I wasn’t thinking much of it. I was curious though.

When we started dating it was hard for me to adjust from a single mindset to incorporating someone else into my life and my plans. It was scary as fuck because I didn’t know how long this would last and I didn’t know what he would think. I hadn’t been in a relationship in a while and my last relationship, I allowed myself to fall into pieces.

I’ve opened up so much to this one person in a short amount of time. It was all hella scary at first, but I now find comfort in it. It’s nice to know that I don’t have to be in the perfect career, living situation, car or mindset all the time for someone to enjoy me for me.

I’ve felt like I can let go of stress, worry and genuinely enjoy my life while I work on making it better.

I’ve always heard couples and lovers talking about finding peace with their person. They felt like they found comfort, a home, a safe place, a freeing place. I could picture it, but I could never really understand it. Wouldn’t you be relying on the other person too much? Wouldn’t that be toxic? How could you focus on becoming better if you’re so focused on one other person?

If I’ve learned anything in the last eight months, it’s that I was doing relationships wrong. All of them.

My mindset towards them was wrong. All of them.

It was baffling to figure out. And I learned that from just interacting with that man in the picture. He didn’t point it out or anything. He was just being him.

I’ve changed a lot. Well, I always do, but I now know what it feels like to want to be better for something bigger than yourself.

I do feel more at peace. I do feel more calm. Yet I still feel like I am a fire that can spread my wings however I want and whenever I want. It’s a sense of freedom I’ve always wanted to feel, but I got it in a way I never expected.

I am now building a life that I have always dreamed of, but was too scared to start. I can now see things in a more clear perspective that is not stemmed from my ego. I am now turning into the person I have always wanted to become. And all I had to do was let a certain person in and allow myself to be vulnerable.

It’s easier said than done folks.

I could not of asked for a better person to have in my life. He’s turned into someone very dear to me, a friend, a lover, my safe place. A sense of home. Someone I just want to be near all the time whether we’re doing different things or doing something together.

I can see myself with this person for a very long time. Maybe even a lifetime.

Eines Tages, werde ich dich heiraten.

Happy Valentine’s Day, folks. Don’t forget you make your person feel special any day of the year.