Today’s Words Of Wisdom From Momma Dawn.

My life has taught me that success truly is simply getting up again after a fall. I’ve fallen too many times to count, and still find my self stumbling every day. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. It is important to celebrate our successes though.

My daughter is celebrating overcoming her prior addiction. I do find it strange, because of a similarity we seem to have. In the late 2000’s I was on so many different pain meds because of my cancer that I was practically comatose at times. All under a doctors care, only one pharmacy, one prescriber. Eight years of my body receiving narcotics, and metabolizing poisons. I finally got fed up. Against medical advice, I quit all my meds, at home on my own. It was one of the worse years of my life.

My daughter got hooked on hard core stuff, introduced to it through a boyfriend and her job. When I traveled out to see her back in 2015, she was in deep, and I knew I couldn’t save her. She didn’t want to stop, and I had to make the choice to walk away.

I’m a rape survivor, and I live with Cancer. I’ve buried a child, I have one child in prison now. I grew up being beaten, and bullied because I’m bi-racial, and I have survived child abuse, and spousal abuse. Sometimes it seems as if the challenges will never dissipate, because even today they are still coming. I’m not telling you these things for sympathy, and I will write about each one at another time, because I want others to realize it is possible to survive. I’m telling you this so you understand that I know pain, but no pain is as intense as having to walk away from your child because you can’t help them. Leaving her there was one of the hardest things I have had to do, and that’s saying a lot.

I’ve read stories of other parents of addicted children. Yes, some situations are hopeless, but I can tell you this. Sometimes that “hopeless” situation turns around.

Ashleigh reached a point of simply being tired of the endless cycle. She didn’t go to rehab, she didn’t taper off. Just like me, she went cold turkey, and she prevailed.

Clean for over four years! Three years ago with the help of her brother, she enrolled in nursing school. She has since graduated, passed her state boards and is now working. Yes, I worry about here considering the current pandemic, but I worry less than I once did.

What are the odds that both mother, and daughter were strong enough to just say, “that’s it. I’m done,” and walk away?

I grew up Mormon, straight laced, and zero desire to ever try illegal drugs or alcohol. My doctor found it easier to prescribe narcotics instead if addressing what was causing the pain. Over time my body became addicted, make me an addict.

I’ve never attended a meeting for addiction, but I encourage others to do so. I have never once relapsed despite having to deal with incredible amounts of pain at times. I know that I am incredibly lucky. I completely understand what an addict goes through, and how difficult it is. Those first couple months of cold turkey, the being awake for eight days straight, chest pain, and puking are still very clear in my memory.

Ashleigh, she went through the same thing when she decided no more, and if I’m honest, I was worried she might give up. For anyone wondering, of course I wonder if I’m the reason she started using, because she grew up seeing me being pumped with narcotics.

While I often blame myself for her using, I also like to believe that me being tough enough to just stop made her realize she could too.

I’ll never be as strong as my little girl, or any of my children for that matter. It doesn’t matter, because it brings me joy knowing that she is my legacy, and she’s a terrific nurse. Maybe it’s in her blood, because she was only seven years old the day she literally saved my life, but that’s a story for another time.

Ashleigh, I know I’ve not been the best mom, but I do hope you realize how proud I am of you. I hope one day you tell your story, perhaps impacting the younger generation, because you’re a shining example of how desire, and determination can turn a life around.

P.S. Your birthday is in a couple of months, and I can’t wait to post my yearly story of your conception. Thank goodness you unblocked me on facebook after last years posting, but to be fair, you are a comedians daughter.

Mom