Thrift Store Buys That Helped Me Become My Best Bisexual Self

I miss Thrift Shopping. Not so much the dusty old smell or the throngs of people that would post-Covid give me a heart attack to be around but getting something cheap to cherish. I have always enjoyed the thrill of the hunt. Most times I would go in to a thrift store and not even have a specific item in mind. I just liked to peruse the aisles to see if anything fun would jump out at me. I have never been a very fashion-forward person, as you will very well see in these series of photos, but when I like something I certainly feel joy thinking back on it. Especially when I think of how an item made me feel.

I have been openly bisexual since I was seventeen years old and trust me that was a late reaction to how very queer I was in hindsight. Some time ago a group of friends and I reminisced over childhood moments that should have made us question our alleged straightness. The memories that came to mind were of how obsessed I was in middle school with my Arwen from The Lord Of The Rings bookmark which I lovingly stroked the face of whenever I let myself daydream of Middle Earth.

Such a perfectly straight thing to do! I also recalled my love for Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley and how I knew I did not want to be them in their roles as Padme and Elizabeth Swann respectively but wanted to spend time with them nd get to know them. You know, just gals being pals.

Portrait Lady

Childhood crushes aside, when I think of myself in those vulnerable younger years I also think of this portrait of a lady I had bought from a thrift store and proudly displayed on the room of my wall as if she was some ancestor of mine.

It was a generic painting, probably something that had come from some prop house, but the moment I laid eyes on my painted lady I was head over heels in love with her. How elegant she stood with her thrown-over shawl and tight red dress. How dark her eyes, how culturally ambiguous her head piece, how long her neck, how tan her skin, and for some reason a constant thought above all was how graceful her hand.

Teenage me bought the painting for a less than $10 and happily put it up on the wall of my reading nook myself. A part of me wanted to emulate refinement, clearly, since I am trying to copy her pose in that very photo. Yet a bigger part of me would roam from her curves to her indiscernible gaze and picture myself as the painter trying to capture such a beauty. Whilst she was in my possession I tried to look up the artist's signature but I never found anything of it. Portrait lady would remain a mystery.

I moved away to college, lived a fun life on my own, but when my parents were moving and I came home to help pack up my old room I realized I had nowhere for portrait lady to go. Look at the size of it compared to me. This would not have fit in my apartment nor would it's weight have held up on those crappy little weak walls.

I couldn't quite understand why I was so sad to give her away. After all, she is rather creepy to think of hanging in any room now. Not that I am some expert room designer now, I currently own only two framed pieces of art and they are both Star Wars ship schematics that I bought in Target. So it is safe to say my tastes have only grown worse really.

It was a strange childhood attachment that I told myself I would get over. As I took all the things I wanted to donate to the thrift store this was definitely the hardest thing to let go of.

She helped me think of myself with a woman as silly as that sounds and this was not a thought I had allowed myself for many years.

I sure hope portrait lady found a new home. I did not see her again in that thrift store so I think its safe to say she did. Hopefully she is awakening some other closeted kid's sexuality.

Costumes!

I love getting dressed up in costumes. Not only was I a theatre kid all four years of high school which required me to get creative with a character's costume but I also went out of my way to buy Halloween costumes on the cheap in thrift stores. I was not going to spend $50 dollars or more on some plastic crappy outfit that I would wear once! Instead, I put thought into my little costumes each year and had fun gathering the items.

Some hunts were just a one-stop shop and done, others took me several trips to get the concept together, but I loved the freedom I felt when in the costume. I could be whatever version of myself I wanted. Whether a more confident part of myself that wanted to strut her stuff, a more creative side or even a super duper nerdy one. I did not have to apologize for who I was because it was Halloween or a stage production and thus no one could criticize me.

Halloween has this effect on many people. It is one of our best inversion rituals which is a fancy anthropological term for event in which we switch our role. Other examples are Mardi Gras or Carnival. Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that this was not a unique experience by any means yet it helped me come to terms with the kind of woman I wanted to be. I did not have to pretend to be fierce, I could be fierce, and I did not need a costume to give myself permission to do that.

It was a fun way to explore what I wanted as well as who I wanted to be like. Characters like Kara Thrace from Battlestar Galactica had such a butch and strong aesthetic while Sailor Moon had a more traditionally soft and cute feel. I did not have to choose one or the other, I could be both. Moreover, I did not have to limit myself to one kind of brave face. I could be the diva with Lady Gaga and the warrior with Spartacus.

I think part of becoming who you truly are is accepting these different facets of yourself.

It was a journey to get to where I am now as a person. I never really think back too much on what got me here but I am thrilled I did not spend too much money on it.