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Things to do if you are falling for your best friend's boyfriend.

by Simran Chimaniya 11 months ago in Secrets
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Here is a step-by-step guide to know where you actually stand, and I think it will make you feel better, or worse.

Things to do if you are falling for your best friend's boyfriend.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Have you ever been in a position where you started developing strong feelings for your bestfriend's boyfriend? It is a terrible place to be in. you don’t know how to feel. You want to be happy for your friend, but somewhere you are jealous as well. you experience heartbreak when you see them together, at the same time you feel pathetic to cheat on your friend. You are always confused to select between your friend and her boyfriend.

Here are 3 scenarios that can happen and what you should do in that case or what might be the consequences.

Scenario 1:-

Your friend is head over heels for this person and he is trying to double-date both of you.

What you should do:-

• Honesty is the best policy:- If he tells you that he is into you but seems to be in no mood to leave your friend, and not letting you go as well. In short, if he is playing with your emotions, you should tell your friend about him. Be honest with her. Tell her about your feelings as well. Make her aware of her boyfriend’s intention. Now we know that she is madly in love with this boy so chances are she might not believe you. Or even if she does, she will go back to him. Will, it hurt you? Yes! But you should do it anyway. Because it is the correct thing to do. Let's accept it. When you love someone you don’t want them to cheat on you. It's not easy for her as well. she might think that you are doing this because you want him for yourself. Let her think whatever she wants. Bring the matter into her account but don’t be pushy, let her take the final decision. If he is trying to cheat on her, their relationship will sooner or later be over. At least at that point, your friend will know who is her well-wisher. I know it will hurt a lot but if he is just playing around then he is a terrible person and deserves neither of you.

Scenario:- 2

If he tries to double date and you directly or indirectly support him.

Consequences you may face:-

• Yes! That’s cheating as well:- I agree that it gets very hard to see them together and you cannot get his thoughts out of your head. All you do these days is create fake scenarios. you just want a few extra unadulterated moments with him, and you think there is nothing wrong with it because you are not voicing out your feelings, just the two of you spending few extra minutes. Seems no harm right? But it is cheating. Everything that you and her partner do that you are not comfortable in sharing with your friend is cheating. You might think that it's nothing, it's just a call or a meeting but these are actually just the start of a bigger problem.

• You are breaking the bro code:- No matter how harsh this sound but you are not allowed to date your friend’s boyfriend. You don’t do that. Once she gets to know about this, You are going to lose her. No matter how good friends you are, how strong the bond you share is, or how deep feelings you have for her partner. You will lose her and nothing can change that. She is going to be more upset with you than with him. You will never be able to look her in the eye because she will forever think that you cheated on her.

• You will damage her beyond repair:- Again it may sound cruel to you. You might not even want to believe this. You may think that she will be alright and will eventually move on. But the truth is she will never be able to heal this side of her’s. Now it may sound a little exaggerating but think about this. Two people, the first is the person she loves the most in this world and cannot imagine her life without him and the second is the person whom she trusts with her life, she has never doubted her intentions. The two most important and valuable people of her life decide to cheat on her. It will destroy her perspective of love and friendship. I know it's not your fault that you fell for someone, but it's not her’s as well that she trusts the two of you.

• What goes around comes around:- If he can do it once, he can do it again. You know your friend is serious for this guy, but if he still cheats her, then why do you think he won’t cheat on you. Now you can give all kinds of explanations, like because he loves me or I am special to him. Let me correct you if he really loved you he won’t put you in a position where you have to fight for your love, or you have to compete with your best friend. He is just playing around and that is a fact you can’t ignore.

Scenario 3:-

If he reciprocates your feelings, and your friend and this guy are breaking up because of their own issues.

What should you do:-

• Get a reality check:- The first thing that you should do is to be sure about your feelings. It's possible that what you feel for him might just be an attraction. Think about it. your friend keeps telling you how ideal her boyfriend is. How much he loves her, takes care of her. In short, he is a perfect boyfriend. When you hear all the good stuff about someone all the time, it's not very unlikely to get attracted to them. You don’t like him but like the idea of having him as your boyfriend. So the first thing you should do is, be sure about your feelings. Try talking to someone. Obviously, you cannot share with your best friend but talk to a family member or some other friend. If you have the fear of getting judged then consult a therapist. Talking to someone about your feeling will help you get a different perspective. But in any case, don’t keep your feelings to yourself. It will just suffocate you.

• Let him take the first step:- This step is very important. Don’t be the reason for their breakup. If he is not happy with your friend and genuinely wants to be with you, ask him to break up with her first. Ask him to give your friend proper closure. It will help her move on and she deserves it. Ask him to tell her that they should break up because they are not working, and he is not happy. Never, I repeat. Never try to tell your friend why she should break up with him. No matter how desperately you want to. Later when she realizes that you were interested in her guy, she might think that it was your plan to break them. So stay away from them during this phase. You can definitely comfort your friend but avoid giving any unsolicited advice.

• Give him a break:- After breaking up, ask him to take sufficient time to move on from his previous relationship. Even if he is desperate to be in a relationship with you, never gets into a relationship immediately after his breakup. He may be just attracted to you because you were like a forbidden fruit he couldn't have. And once he gets you, he might realize the intensity of the situation. We only understand the importance of something after losing it. There are chances that he actually realizes your friend’s importance in his life and might want to patch up with her. That’s why always give him time to be sure that he is serious about you. It will only save you from heartbreak and embarrassment.

• Be honest with her:- After taking sufficient time, if he is still into you, then comes the hardest part. Tell your friend honestly about your feelings. Be as honest as you can be. Now, this step is only for those who genuinely want their friendship to be saved. Listening to your feeling won’t be easy for her. She might even blame you for her breakup. But you have to be very patient with her. Try to make her understand your point of view. Tell her how important she is to you. She will be hurt but at least she will try to understand your perspective after she calms down. This will save you from the allegations that you were cheating on her with her boyfriend.

• You won’t be friends again:- I know it hurts, and you have tried everything so that you don’t lose your best friend. But accept it, if you date her ex-boyfriend you will lose her. You will never have the same access to her. It's not your fault and neither hers. Remember how you felt when you saw them together, you were hurt and jealous. Now imagine her in your place when she will see the two of you together, she will be hurt. All her memories will come in front of her. She can be happy for you but she can prefer to keep her distance, to save herself from the hurt. And you cannot blame her for this, she is just trying to protect herself. Besides you won’t be able to share your relationship experiences, ups and downs, and your cute moments with your friend, because chances are it will get awkward for the two of you. Eventually, all this will create an unsaid void between both of you.

If the thought of having him as your boyfriend still excites you, then go ahead. I can only wish you luck. People will judge you, try not to judge yourself. You have no control over feelings. You can feel for anyone. Just try not to do something unacceptable. You will be at crossroads, you will have two choices, your best friend or your love. You cannot have both and the choice is truly yours.


About the author

Simran Chimaniya

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