I let you go a few months ago, I had known you for 9 months but hell Id agree with myself they were a crazy bunch of months. At the start of this i couldn't imagine my life without you now I'm glad I'm free to live own life. Glad you pushed me away the way you did slowly.
When i got to know you, it seemed like there was a void you were trying to fill. Like when the questions drifted through your head, we both knew the answers but i couldn't be one to force them on you and you didn't like the options of how to deal with the problems.
You were so fragile, scared that with every word i sent to you, you would turn me away and put me in this box you labelled " friends, but only if they made the effort to message me "
Which i constantly found myself doing every day, hanging of your every word, messaging you so i was not in the labelled box of yours. Then you had the nerve to call me the " STUPID GIRL " and that you should be focusing on your work instead of talking to me.
Tho if i wanted to talk to myself i wouldn't be sending messages to your account, all the same you messaged me back every night.
What about all the face times i basically had to beg to have all just to hear you say " its fun to make you work for it " you wanted them as bad as i did, just for some sort of love and the feeling to feel needed in someone's eyes.
This may have come from all the times you were rejected as a child, not knowing how to deal with the anger or disappointment so you shoved it down deeper inside you not knowing it would effect you more as you grew older.
I wonder if we had ever met in real life like u had so frequently suggested and I tried to bend all the rules to see you. Driving myself out of my own brain trying to come up with ways we could meet up even in town when you would make the effort to see your other friends but never drive down just to see me. Even showing you my bare body online you still didn't want me.
I guess I made the mistake when I told you I was ready to hand you my hand accepting all that you were in the past all ready until i found the true you.
You weren't looking for someone like me, i remember in the start from which i couldn't see being blinded by the eyes of love. I quote from your honesty "your not the type of person i want in my future in the long run" i made the decision I could change your mind, but looking back now, you were a mistake.
I should have kept my eyes peeled, but the act you put on was easy to be fooled by. I loved and learnt from you. But i realize know that i never truly had you so if i left right there and then what was i losing, right?
I guess I'm looking back now, I didn't waste my time on you as I would have said earlier in the past the months I have had to let you go, I was able to breath for the first time in months of suffering from a toxic relationship
Which from now on I only blame myself for what happened in the past as I realize that all my problems and worries were caused by the choices that I had made myself but also by the people that I had let be involved.