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The woman I'm talking to has a boyfriend?!

Dating in your 20's is messy, try being married at 24 and divorced at 25.

By Megan CPublished 2 years ago 3 min read

I wish I was kidding when I say this...but the woman I've been talking to nonstop for over 3 weeks has a boyfriend. The best part? I found out two days ago.

So, it all started when the woman I have been consistently talking to asked the classic "what are you looking for?" Question. Naturally, I answered honestly. I explained that after being divorced at 25, I'm just looking for something casual. I just wanted something fun, something easy.

She expressed that she was looking for the same thing.

Until it happened to casually come up that she has been involved with a man off and on for a few months now.

There are a few different things to address here. First of all, I know she is bisexual and I have no issues with that. In fact, I have no issues that she wanted to explore her sexuality (which she originally told me was her intention.) But then, suddenly, it comes up that she has been seeing a man quite seriously (who happens to know about me), and then she also started seeing me. It seems that I was the only one not aware of this situation. You can imagine my confusion with her original statement.

So then, I express that I am a little hurt that she failed to tell me that she was seriously involved with someone else and did not clarify that with me, to begin with. Somehow, I turned out to be the one at fault because her friends said "it's normal to date around." Yes, you read that correctly. At 26 years old, I am talking to a 28-year-old woman that felt it was necessary to tell me that her friends said I was at fault.

I wish it could say that things started to clear up a little at this point. However, they only get more confusing.

After the whole "my friends said..." debacle, I recognized that maybe I was wrong. Maybe, I misunderstood. Perhaps, I was unclear and she and this guy were not serious. It is normal to date around, and I was okay with that. I even apologized for my assumption and misunderstanding of the situation. We both work 9-5 jobs, so she expressed that she preferred to talk about this after work. Of course, I respected this. Then, she sent me a voice message with no audio. After waiting ALL day for a response, I told her that I could not hear what she was saying. Then she told me she "wanted to sleep on it" and that we would talk the next day. Once again, I respected her wishes.

The next day, I said "good morning" and we proceeded to continue the day as normal. That was, until, she told me later in the evening that she and this guy are in fact "more than just casual, actually quite serious." And that she didn't want to talk anymore because she wanted to explore ENM and she did not want to hurt me. After she had initally clarified that she just wanted something casual, I was quite confused. She directly followed it with her wanting something casual, (once again.) After expressing this confusion, somehow the tables were turned back on me. Once again, I was at fault. I explained to her that I was not upset that she had a deeper connection with this man, more so because she failed to tell me about it until two days ago after claiming she wanted something casual.

So, here we are. It's a Thursday night and I am four drinks in and heavily confused. Tequila has gotten the best of me and I don't know if I should apologize or smash the bottle of champagne she bought us to drink together on NYE.


About the Creator

Megan C

26, queer, recovery, and healing. Making my way through life via poetry.

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