The Voices

You hear them all the time but you ignore them all but one. You battle them while showing every one of the victors. You keep one by your side to keep you in check but are not sure who is real. Consumed by regret and recycled by emotions, they come in with reinforcements. You come to understand what you want and what you need but despite all the lectures, the positivity, and the encouragement, you still want to go to where that moment made you feel complete. That moment where you believed to be free from everything. That moment when you felt happy and you felt love.

Darkness was small and the voices were together as an artificial power that helped you fight against other forms of darkness. The moment where all seemed right and you can't help but retrieve it again. To change back time so it can be more permanent. To go through the motions to "live and forget".

The Suffering 

Every day you feel some sense of it. The way you move or the things you smell. You don't really know where it will come from or how it will be triggered but it happens. You get reminded of the things that make you suffer or tell you how much you suffered. You do your best every day to ignore them but forget that even when you were small, it was a reason to feel. A reason to validate your existence. Growing to the point of masochism.

The pleasure of self-torture eats you up inside. Witnessing someone's most vulnerable as your deepest pain. Try to feel, to understand, attempt to relate and yet you can't. You feel so numb that you are unable to connect with yourself. Like death, mentally suffering through so much normal that your body begins to kill you from the inside. Bleeding and drained from the worlds poison, that you have been involved in.

You remember the videos and the stories about how to change your life and the law of attraction. Motivations and forced routines are taken into practice until the voices arise. The darkness within engulfs your struggle and the only feeling you feel is pain, pressure, and ultimately torture. Happiness becomes forgotten while you struggle to find a sense of peace. You feel yourself falling down to more despair.

An internal hell that you put yourself in. Lost in reason, trapped without escape. You feed on the unknown and crave feeling in hopes to find peace but only to find the voices that became a constant reassurance of life.

Victim

You play the victim to test their loyalty. You become the victim when you are ignorant. You accept the role of victim to learn about yourself as well as others. You surrender to being at fault in hopes to gain validation and understanding of how things work. Control the moments, feel the pleasures, when all there were, is a search for reassurance and love. You blame yourself because you feel you aren’t enough.

Tragedy turns you into a victim of shame and robs you of your innocence. You become shielded by love and peace until the voices find ways through insecurity and abandonment. You begin to lose faith in others and question the new people who enter just to protect what purity you have left. Yet still, their insecurities, their darkness, only awakens the voices that may eventually push them aside and drown you in the abyss.

Losing Control

Struggling to find autonomy, you trip and fall to floors unknown, trying to find the essence of your soul. Looking for the room that's locked with a key you can’t find. You look for a source but are afraid to find the truth. Afraid to find that the heart of pleasure is the source of pain. A victim of dying torture while the voices are masked in familiar voices.

Confused and scared, you try to navigate through the realm of your mind to understand what is real and what isn't. Playing the victim to your life, you make it out for a cry to help. Searching for a savior or a hero (that won’t arrive) to come and make sense of the world. The wants and needs become controlled by others while you allow the voices to take hold because you are unable to control who and where is reality.

Pills or talk can be temporary but what becomes permanent when you take action. The moves that are taken to authorize a change. Will you have the ones to reach out to save you, or will you have to fight it alone. Do you let it consume you until you become a hollow of a shell, or finally let it go, like let it all go. What do you become if you just let go? What if you just say “take me”.