The Many Faces of Me

What an unforeseen moment of serendipity it was stumbling across this challenge so soon after reliving my own teen music experience with a close friend of mine. Just recently while wandering the well-worn track of our weekly walks, my best friend and I issued each other a challenge. We were to each put together our own playlist, filled to the brim with songs from our teenage years so that on our next walk we would be able to share and compare. For every song, we would detail how we came across it and why it resonated with us so heavily during our teenage years. Given our little friendly challenge, I’m sure you can understand why this Vocal prompt came as a pleasant, though somewhat unexpected and surreal surprise.

Now, I’ll put this out there right now, I was not your typical teen. I know, I know. We all think we’re so unique at that age, so misunderstood, but stay with me for just a moment while I take you on a journey through the wildly contrasting musical genres that made up my playlist during those years of revelation and transformation.

#1 Country

Let’s start my adolescent playlist journey with what remains, to this day, one of my favourite songs of all time: ‘Coward of the County’, by Kenny Rogers.

That’s right, an old school country song from well before my time for this 90s baby. How you might ask. How could this possibly be on a teen angst playlist at all, let alone one for a kid who wasn’t born until 21 years after its release?

Well, what can I say, it spoke to me. I was that kid who got bullied right throughout primary school, even a little of high school, and I knew my fair share of adults who’d had run-ins with the law. I was also that kid who fought back when those same bullies turned on those closest to me. When the bullies’ ire was directed at me, I just took the teasing and the hostile actions. I refused to let them know how much it hurt and often I was able to tell myself it didn’t. Who were they to judge me anyway? But when it was one of my friends at risk, all hell broke loose. People learnt pretty quickly what lines they couldn’t cross.

You’ll also see a common theme across my playlist and I’ll warn you of it now, most of these songs will be by male bands or solo artists and the ones that aren’t, well, you’ll understand their place soon enough.

#2 Parody Music

Ok, moving right along from the Country genre with an old Western vibe. Let’s change things up a bit with a fan favourite by Weird Al Yankovic. Well, at least I assumed he was a fan favourite. I was only really into one song, but let’s just say, I knew every word to ‘The Saga Begins’.

This song, for me, was just the best. It combined my two loves: ‘American Pie’, by Don McLean (also on my playlist back then) and Star Wars (specifically ‘The Phantom Menace’).

I know, I know, you all hate ‘Star Wars: Episode I’. I get it. I’ve heard it all before, but you have to understand, I was Anakin’s age when I fell in love with Star Wars and all I wanted in the whole world was to be him. For me, seeing baby Vader flying around in those ships was awesome. So, when I heard this song a few years after its release, I quickly became obsessed.

Putting that epic tale into the form of a song gave me something that could just be fun and provided a sense of freedom in a world that was feeling smaller, and smaller by the day.

#3 & 4 Punk

Don’t worry, I know what you’re waiting for. There needs to be something with more of the traditional teen angst vibes on this list somewhere, right? Well, of course there is. We’ve all heard of Good Charlotte, right? These guys became a staple of my teen experience and honestly there are so many of their songs I could put on this list it seems impossible to choose just one. So you know what...I’m not going to. These songs were probably two of the most played songs of my youth and for very different reasons.

Let’s start with the fun one: ‘Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous’ by Good Charlotte.

The reason I chose this one seems simple enough, it was the first of their songs I heard, but the true origin is a little more unconventional. Something you may not know about me is that I was a child actor. Commercials during the early years, an arthouse film with Rose Burn during pre-adolescence, but the onscreen experiences of my high school took place in the world of Summer Bay. ‘Home and Away’ was a big part of my life for a number of years in a way that was quite different to most of the other people my age at the time. While they were cramming for exams and bonding at school camps, I was onset, engaging with some of the most beautiful human beings I’d ever met inside and out. Whether it was sharing lunch with Chris Hemsworth, laughing with Sebastian about our ‘date’ scenes, studying with Kevin (our onset tutor), or rocking out with the most awesome Tarago driver of all time (he was the one who introduced me to Good Charlotte), I was so thankful for the escape they helped bring from the ‘real world’.

I loved my time there, so when Good Charlotte’s ‘Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous’ came into my life, it just clicked. I’d never heard anyone complain about their lifestyle onset. Everyone was just so happy, excited and thankful to be there, and yet those magazines made it seem like there was so much drama. That, combined with the fact that I came from a lower-middle income household, combined with the fact that it is just a great song to yell along with, made it the perfect song for me to release some of that teen angst energy during this time of my life.

Now for the second Good Charlotte song, ‘Movin’ On’ - the old angsty one, not the new one.

This is the one I scrawled lyrics from all across my books, pencil case, and whatever else I had that I apparently needed to be destroyed with Sharpies at the time. The chant, “Life! Hope! Truth! Trust! Faith! Pride! Love! Lust!”, became something of a mantra. It gave me a way of grounding myself in a turbulent time. True to form, this Good Charlotte song was great to scream out the lyrics to at the top of your lungs and for someone who found themselves spiralling into the darkest depths of depression at the time, it resonated with me on quite a few levels - not always in a good way.

When the lyrics, “Everybody could be living their last days” bring waves of relief, it’s not a great sign, but this song did end with some strong and important messages about holding on in the post chorus section and the bridge. “Make the best with what you’re given, This ain’t dying this is livin’!” and “we got nothing to prove, To anyone, ‘Cause we’ll get through” became the most important parts of that song for me.

#5 Pop Rock

On a lighter note, how about we take it back to the 1980s (‘81 to be exact) to a song that came out almost a decade before I was born. The story behind this one is quite possibly the most cringeworthy tale of teen angst tunes you’ll read today. You’ve probably heard it butchered by Shannon Noll (don’t give him too hard a time, no-one could do it justice once you’ve heard the original). It’s the one, the only, ‘What about me’, by Moving Pictures.

It’s a brilliant song and I’ll love it until I die. This is not a guilty pleasure song, that’s not where the cringe comes in. The cringe comes in when you consider how I used this during those angsty teenage years. Every time my mum and I would get into an argument about cleaning, or friends, or school, or any one of this million little things teenage girls and their mothers fight about, I would race into my room, slam the door, turn up the volume, and blare this song. That’s right, I was that person.

“What about me? It isn’t fair! I’ve had enough now I want my share! Can’t you see! I wanna live! But you just take more than you give!”

Oof. The memory of that still stings. You see, I’m a parent myself now. I have two daughters and I can only imagine the tears of laughter that must have been streaming down my own mother’s face every time this happened.

#6 Teen Pop

Up next we have the song no-one escaped the 90s without. You know it, you love to hate it, ‘Everybody (Backstreet’s Back), by the Backstreet Boys.

I went to an all girls school during my teenage years and you couldn’t go to a single party without this song making an appearance. As is typical with all of these so called ‘heartthrob’ boy bands, countless young ladies across the globe were smitten. I never really understood it, but I was happy to go along with the crowd because I liked this band for my own reasons. It wasn’t the beat, or the lyrics, or even that those guys were oh so dreamy. I was at that point in my life when I was heavily rejecting just about anything I saw as feminine, and they were guys.

We used the word tomboy to describe what I liked and what I didn’t. It gave me the space to toy around with my gender expression without anyone really batting an eye, but that didn’t explain to me why I got so angry at my babysitter for not turning me into a boy. It didn’t explain why I not only preferred ‘boy’ things, but actively resented anything girly. So, for me, this song was a symbol of my secret rebellion against all things ‘girl’ and the internal conflict I was experiencing at the time. Something I could express safely, hidden in plain sight.

#7 Back to Country

This brings me to the later years of my adolescence and here’s where we stray from the path. In those later years my playlist changed to include the woman many consider to be their guilty pleasure artist, Shania Twain. The song? You guessed it, ‘Man, I feel like a woman’ (corny, I know).

It wasn’t until I was 15 that I decided to make a choice that would determine the direction of my life. I had given it a lot of thought and although I had exactly no interest in boys, or in girls for that matter, I knew I wanted to have children and I knew I wanted them to be mine - biologically I mean. I had what some may call a moment of clarity and it was right then, on the oval at my high school, that I chose to bury the resentment I harboured towards being a girl and try to focus on the positives, just sort of lean into it.

The energy, the air of celebration, and the cheeky, party-girl vibe that came through in this song became elements I tried to channel. While the desire to have kids was my anchor, a way to survive, this song, amongst other things, helped me to not only survive this, but thrive. Granted this decision came back to bite me in the arse not so long ago with an experience that was unexpectedly confrontational, but we’ll leave that story for another time.

Everyone who feels out of place in this way handles it differently. Many make different choices, especially nowadays, and I applaud them for it. Even so, I still believe the choice that I made was the right one for me and I'm thankful for all the tools I had to help me walk my path, this song included.

The thing is, once I was willing to let go of the resentment and open my mind a little to the rest of the music world, the floodgates opened. A tidal wave of female artists made their way onto my radar and it turned out some of them weren’t half bad.

#8 R&B/Soul

One that took me by surprise was ‘Save the Best for Last’, by Vanessa Williams.

I had never taken an interest in anyone during my adolescence and I didn’t until I was in university. All of my peers were oohing and ahhing, ogling celebrities in magazines and commenting on how undeniably hot they were. This never happened for me, so when this song stole my heart it was a complete shock.

It stirred some emotions in me I didn’t even know existed. It turns out, as much as I had never felt any attraction to another person or shown an interest in exploring my sexuality physically, I was, and continue to be, a hopeless romantic. The idea of two people finding each other, coming together despite all odds, was just nice, and though I never expected it to happen for me, I hoped I’d recognise it if such a moment ever came along.

#9 Soft Rock

This brings me to my next song, ‘Dear Mr. President’, by P!nk.

At a certain point I became quite politically minded. We all go through that stage, I’m sure, and I became quickly committed to finding new ways to speak out against adversity, so it’s no big surprise this song made its way onto my playlist. It’s the perfect combination of politics and the overwhelming emotions you tend to have towards inequality as a young person wanting to change the world. I remember that fire of just wanting the world to be better, for everyone. It’s a fire that burns in me still and drives me to try my absolute best in my role as a teacher every day.

“Let me tell you ‘bout hard work, Minimum wage with a baby on the way”.

I saw it then, the challenges of financial stress on families, and I see it now, even more in these crazy covid times. In my youth it was about speaking out and raising awareness. Now, as an adult, it’s about taking action. Forcing those changes where we can.

“And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay”.

I went to an all girls Catholic school during my adolescence and I know how quickly young people can be shunned by those closest to them for sharing who they are with the world. I remember make-shift petitions to expel students. I remember friends abandoning friends. I remember people no older than I was at the time being kicked out of home because they came out as a gay. This kind of prejudice still exists but one of the great things about working as a high school teacher and seeing all these growing young people today, is that so many of them are prepared to fight for each other’s right to be who they are.

That’s a quality song right there. I certainly viewed it as such, but I think we’re getting a too serious again. Let’s finish off with something a little more fun.

#10 The Most Pop Song Ever

Sometimes as a teenager, when everything in your world seems too dark and unmanageable, you really do need to be able to “Just smile and let it go”. That’s what we’re going to do now with ‘Bring it all Back’, by S Club 7.

This song hits back against every negative, moody, angsty thought and feeling we have as teenagers and the best thing is it’s contagious. It’s one of those songs that people are embarrassed to say they loved but would cheer, sing and dance to whenever it came on at a party. Fair bet a lot of us still would. It is nothing but pure positivity.

So don’t forget, “Don’t stop, never give up. Hold your head high and reach the top. Let the world see what you have got.” Did you sing the last part in your head? I know I did.

Anyway, I’ve reached the end of my top 10, or at least those I believe have the most interesting reasons for being there. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. I certainly had a great time writing this. And thank you Vocal Media for the trip down memory lane.