The Love No One Understands

The love no one understands—

Is the love that is its own self

In my adulthood

I see the real fantasy

Above all—

The illusion of love still blinds me

Rather high too

“Is this love?” I asked,

“Feelings that are based off another?”

“Can I only feel loved when they want to love too?”

I remember that breeze of first winter air

Alone—

Slapping me in the face

Like a warning of what’s to come

I found myself once again there

Like too many times before

Heart beating

Mind racing

A remembrance for me—

Only me

A knock on the door

I hear: “Come and find me if you dare to deal with me.”

He let me in with a warning:

“I promise you won’t find the man you are looking for

“But you’ll find the one for whom you tend to seek"

All my buried feelings flew to the surface

The walls I built suddenly torn down

He spoke to my soul just to real me in

All those poker game faces

All those check mate plays

I saw that eagerness after so long of nothing

Seized the moment though knowing it could never be

There—

Love crept into my mind in the worst ways

Your actions said all I needed to hear

Like that of a sad love song

Oh, how I was so young and naïve

Like child's play

But no child was I—

Lucky me

I became so unlucky

I had the worst poker face of them all

I scarred my own heart

Fell for the lion—

And what lioness I came to be

Abusing my mind

I listened to the black swan

Unpredictable event—

I thought I could figure you out first

Constantly telling myself

“What if I was the one to change him?”

But sacrificed my heart

To find one that abused love

Found myself loving the reflection

You convinced me then to see

But pardon you

Oh, dear hurt soul

Pardon the pain that your past put on you

You appeared to me so confident

And so real—

But somehow you were the sheep in wolves clothing

A man hiding from their true self

To die hiding from love

To die alone

Must be the worst love story there is!

I, the one who loved you from first sight

Never could get myself to let go

It was pain you let guide you—

We were only ever a pipe dream

You couldn’t let me be with you

I called it bad timing—

You said “Our personalities would never align”

It was agony for me

It was confusion for you

Oh, did I hope—

Oh, how I tried—

It was lust—

It was love to our solid cores

But such love did not exist in the real world

You became my inspiring thought

You became the first page I wrote

Now the story of you and I

Have a clear start and end

Those blue eyes looking into mine

And those words feeding my mind

I feel like I could drown all over again

And that is where it is clear to see

The love no one understands—

Tends to only love me