The Land of Dreams and a Cheater’s Paradise

Four years ago, my life was at its pinnacle. I had recently completed my undergraduate degree with first-class honours, gotten my first managerial job at the age of twenty-two, and I was sure I had met the man I would spend the rest of my life with. I met him at work, and despite my rule of never dating a colleague, I fell for him. We embarked on what seemed to be a beautiful romantic journey. After dating for a while, we opted to move in together. That was my first time living with a man, but it was a seamless transition that prompted me even to introduce him to my dad. My father and I weren't and still aren't very close, so that was also a first. Though I didn't hesitate to tell my friends and family members about him, I hadn't declared our relationship at work. He would pick me up and drop me off half a block away when we commuted together. We would then greet each other at work as though we didn't spend the night wrapped in each other's arms. I felt like a teenager all over again and was undoubtedly having the time of my life.

Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I am the type of person who motivates those around me to be the best version of themselves. My boyfriend was no exception. When he got a chance to work in the United States temporarily, I encouraged him to take the leap. I was asked by many if I wasn't fearful that our relationship wouldn't survive the distance. I always responded with conviction and the utmost confidence that "our blissful love could weather any storm." Boy, was I wrong; but I didn't know it at the time. The day finally came for him to leave, and I accompanied him to the airport that was four hours away on an express bus. I know what you are thinking–that is quite a distance. But, how could I not support my man during this milestone of his life? It was his first time going to the United States, and he was well on his way to living the American dream. I was so proud!

Fast forward to five months later, I, too, got an opportunity to migrate to another country to pursue a graduate degree. The plan was for him to finish his contract in the U.S. and join me so that we could live "happily ever after." But until then, I knew I had to see him before I headed to Canada. Not only was there a stirring in my loins, but the distance had started to take a toll on our relationship, and I knew I had to fix it—especially since I had previously declared that the miles between us wouldn’t be a problem. My mother was displeased that my boyfriend was at the top of my mind as she wanted me to travel directly to Canada, so I would have ample time to prepare for school. We argued, and I regrettably told her that she didn't care about my extraordinary relationship. Soon thereafter, I was forced to eat my words, but we're not quite there yet.

I spent just over a week frolicking in Naples, Florida, with my boyfriend. The highlight for me happened a few days in when we went to a jewelry store to look at wedding rings. Screeeeeeeeeam! He was thinking of popping the question. I was on cloud ninety-nine if there was ever such a thing. I spent the trip waiting to see if he would propose, but things took a turn for the worst instead. In the final days of my trip, we argued about trivial things. Despite my efforts to quell our disagreements, he seemed intent on prolonging them. Everything went from 0-100 real quick, or is it the other way around? Then out of nowhere, he hit me with the, "I don't think this is working out." He refused to explain his decision but said that even if he told me why he was leaving me, it wouldn't be any time soon. Confused? So was I.

On my final day, as I waited for my Uber to take me to the airport, he kissed me on my forehead and wished me the best. He texted me to find out if I arrived in Canada safely and went AWOL after that. I was convinced that I was at fault and was determined to fix things, again. That's me, the hopeless romantic fixer. I was in love, and my pride also would not allow me to tell my loved ones that the man I had placed on a pedestal had left me high and dry. Our ivory tower of romance had crumbled, and I chose to ignore it. He still loves me, I thought, and I will show him that I still love him too by fighting for what we have—or had. His birthday was two months away, so I began to plan my grand movie-like gesture that would win him back. I decided on a six-part gift that was based on the five senses and had a little bonus.

The Gift

I spent the two months purchasing gifts and writing notes to be associated with each. I was proud of myself; if this didn't prove my love to him, I didn't know what would.

Sight

Part one of the gift was a canvas of my favourite photo I took of him the day he left for the U.S. It was meant to represent a period of growth when he stepped out of his comfort zone. In my note, I reminded him that he was a force to be reckoned with and that this opportunity was just the start of an amazing journey. After a long Google search, I found a canvas company with great reviews. One down, five to go.

Touch

My boyfriend would often complain of ingrown toenails. It was the bane of his existence. As I tried to determine the best gift to appeal to his sense of touch, I thought a pedicure would be ideal as it would probably help with his ingrown toenails. He also had a job that required him to stand for hours on end, so a pedicure seemed perfect. I found a spa in his neighbourhood and promptly booked a gentlemen's pedicure as part two of the gift.

Taste

Initially, I considered getting a bar of chocolate for part three of the gift, but it didn't quite give me Player's "baby come back" vibe. I needed something that said, "there was something and everything about you; I was wrong, and I just can't live without you." That's when I found a company that personalized wine bottles. We always had wine on our dates. Bingo! I was sure it would evoke some nostalgia. I called him my Mushroom for reasons too lewd to share. So, I engraved the wine bottle and its birch wood box with his name, birthday, and a picture of mushrooms. I had issues ordering but was adamant in my pursuit of this specific gift. After a lengthy back and forth with a customer service agent, I was finally able to bring my vision to life.

Smell

They say that good manners and good cologne are what transform a man into a gentleman. He already had the good manners part down pat, so I decided to get him a tantalizing cologne. Plus, if there was one thing that the "love of my life" liked, it was cologne. I had promised to get him one a few months before, so this was meant to be my reminder that I am a woman who kept her promises.

Hearing

When he was a child, he learnt to play the drums. This was an important part of his childhood that was tied to his faith and apparently a memory he treasured. It wasn't feasible to get him a drumset, so I got him engraved drumsticks with a spiritual message for part five of the gift. It was meant to be a reminder never to lose faith despite any roadblocks on his journey to success and self-actualization.

Bonus

No great gift is complete without a card, right? I was a woman on a mission, so a pharmacy greeting card just wasn't going to cut it. While scrolling through Etsy, I found the perfect suit card made by a seller in Australia. It was the ideal card for my grand gesture.

The cherry on top and the final thing that I added to my gift was a Moleskine journal. When we worked together, he always had a tattered little notebook in which he would jot down his notes. I decided to get him a weekly notebook planner as a replacement and to help keep him on track while striving to achieve his personal and professional goals. I knew he had a lot of potential to succeed, and I did not want him to lose sight of that. I had actually purchased the journal for him before my visit, but I did not get a chance to give it to him with all that happened.

The Embarrassing Heartbreak

I'm sure you're eager to hear the outcome. You may be wondering if his heart melted at the sight of my well-crafted gift. Well, to rid you of the suspense, the answer is a resounding no. I had sent my gift to his sister and waited patiently for him to call me and apologize for walking away from a good thing. However, the call I eventually got was from his sister and not him. When she received the gift, she felt compelled to share what her brother didn't have the courage to tell me. She told me why he ended things. Remember when we were looking at wedding rings? Well, it turns out he really was getting married; I just wasn't the bride. He got married shortly after our last time together to a woman he had only known for a few months. Things started to make sense; I figured out the reason for the arguments, the unexpected breakup, and the ghosting. I was on my way to work when his sister called. I burst into tears at the bus stop, and with snot dripping from my nostrils, I ran to the closest building to find a washroom to wallow in my despair. I later made my way to the hotel at which I worked to provide service with a smile and puffy and bloodshot eyes.

Naturally, everyone kept asking about him as time went by. After all, I had displayed him to the world, particularly when we were no longer colleagues. But, I was far too ashamed to tell anyone that the guy I held in such high regard did me dirtier than any man I had ever known. I eventually mustered the courage to tell my mom, sister, and best friends, but I was drowning in shame as I did. The worst part was that everything he had left in Jamaica was still at my house. He had clearly moved on and left me and his possessions behind. There was no room for us in his new life, but I guess he just had to waste my time one last time by having me visit him. To this day, I wonder if I helped him pick his wife's ring that day we went to the jewelry store together. Wasn't I a sucker for falling prey to his acts of legerdemain? I could tell you the reason I believe he did this, but it is not in my nature to vilify someone in a public setting, even if they deserve it. Either way, I can't help but laugh as I recount this experience. I should commit to the gym in the same way I committed myself to that chap—maybe then I’ll lose the stubborn pounds I gained during the pandemic.

Well, there you have it, I bared my soul to all Vocal members and beyond. I am probably the most private person I know, so it is out of character to share such personal details of my life. But, this happened in 2018, and it is now behind me. Unsurprisingly, I am a bit more cynical than I was before, but I will say that my life has flourished since that incident. I have no regrets as the experience steered me towards a path of self-love and motivated me to work twice as hard to improve myself. I have grown significantly and accomplished far more than I ever anticipated. I graduated from my master's degree program last year, won an award, created an award, placed in Vocal competitions, just to name a few. Over time, I learnt that he was not meant for me, and I am happy I was able to get to a stage of my life where I no longer tied my worth to him. I guess the lesson of my story is, no matter how much of yourself you gave to someone who hurt you, you are resilient, so never let their inability to see your worth define you.