The Acid, the Panic, and the Shame: What I Did in a Drug-Induced Psychosis

This happened four years ago in 2022. I was living on campus in college, and always ended up hanging around people who used drugs in some variety mostly because I would seek that kind of thing out. It was a weekend in the fall, and my friends and I were planning on tripping via gel tabs. I had had a prior incident when I was 18, where I took acid and was brought to the ER. It took me until after the third trip that I figured out it was a nasty mix of the acid and the SSRI I was on at the time. I should have totally known this before using.

The second time I did it, I got off my meds in preparation, which is also a horrible idea, and everything went perfectly fine. This was my third acid attempt, and for whatever idiotic reason, I didn't get off my meds beforehand.

The Beginning of the End

We all took the gel tabs. I only took one. Everything was super peachy at first, as it typically is. We were hysterically laughing about nothing, inviting other friends over, and just having a good time. After a few other friends came over, that's when things really hit the fan.

Unlike my first acid attempt, where I had a sliver of memory, I remember absolutely nothing from what happened afterwards. The last thing I really remember is beginning the psychosis on my friend's dorm bed. The room kept zooming into one tiny spot and then exploding outwards, only to zoom in again. I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but I've heard people describe similar visions.

Waking Up in a Cage

After what I assumed was several hours, I woke up in the emergency room. They had put me in one of those inflatable cage things I'm not sure what they're called, but I'm pretty sure they're used for when people have ballistic freak-outs and need to be restrained.

With no recollection of what happened, I vaguely remember asking one of the doctors, nurses, or some kind of ER worker if I could call my mom to let her know what happened. I have never seen someone look so pissed in their entire life. She understandably snapped at me that now wasn't a good time. Then she looked at me through the mesh screen and asked: "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

The Horrifying Revelation

I likely shook my head in response. She proceeded to tell me that while I was out, I had quite literally defecated at some point at what point, I'm still trying to figure out and started throwing that mess like some kind of rage-filled animal.

According to my friends, there was a whole lead-up to me being taken away in the ambulance. We were watching Pawn Stars, and somehow that infiltrated its way into my acid nightmare. I still flinch when I hear the Motorola ringtone, because it reminds me so much of the emergency room beeps that were breaking through my nightmare.

Sometimes, years later, I sit around and just wonder what that even looked like. How I acted, or how I even moved while I was unaware of what was actually happening. How those innocent ER workers were just trying to get through an average night shift, and deserved the complete opposite of what they got.

The Aftermath

My friend who bought the acid and took it with us got in pretty big trouble with the university, as they already had a prior strike. They didn't get kicked out, but instead ended up transferring. I still talk to them, and have deeply expressed my regrets for ever having taken it that day.

In a weird twist of fate, I didn't get kicked out of college. Instead, I received medical amnesty, which I did not deserve, to be honest which allowed me to continue and end up graduating.

A Lesson Learned

If you've gotten to the end of this story, I'm impressed. If you're pissed, I also very much understand. It was an incredibly shitty thing to do pun fully intended, and "stupid" is definitely the understatement of the year. Thankfully, I have learned my lesson tenfold. I carry the shame of that night with me, and I hope that by sharing this story, someone else might think twice before mixing substances they don't fully understand.