that beer after work

April 6th, 2022

This one is for those with a LinkedIn account, who sit in front of a computer in an office the whole day.

It’s a Wednesday and I’m off at 16:30. About 7 months ago, I had my first shift at the company where I now work full-time; it’s an international space in a crowded, big city. Besides the young employees, the company's culture is rather serious and strictly corporate, and still somehow they try to present themselves to us as young, hip genzennials.

After 8 hours of work, all I want is to go home, lay on my bed and do nothing. (I have a theory that in 100 years, humanity will look back at us and consider our work journeys a violation of human rights - as we do when we think of shifts over 12 hours.) I have also been blessed to have gotten promoted in under 6 months. It was mostly luck and coincidence, but a blessing nonetheless. My boss had quit and when the position was re-opened, no one else met the application criteria but me.

At around 15:30, it arrives: a co-worker’s invitation to grab drinks at the nearest bar after work. I must say now, that this is a co-worker who’s taught me most of what I need to know in order to do my job. He sort of took me in as a pupil and coached me through my daily tasks. So, of course I couldn't deny his invitation. I like him, and appreciate his awkward humor and inappropriate gifs in the group chats. But somehow, I can’t seem to let go when I’m with co-workers outside of the office. The only topic we seem to bring up is, obviously, work. And the more personal the conversation gets, the less professional we become. Especially when there’s alcohol involved.

I had only been drinking after work once, when a close colleague was having her last day at the company. It was fun. I left early, as soon as I began to feel the alcohol kick in. But since my colleague was leaving, I didn’t feel like I had much to lose, concerning my reputation at the office, for that matter.

But today, it was a mere Wednesday. Nothing special, just beers after work. That turned into shots. And cigarettes. And stories about how my pseudo-boss was doing cocaine on the weekends. What to expect tomorrow? I am a Capricorn. I’m mean business. Corporate. I can’t have my professional reputation collapse for deeds outside of the work environment. Though my colleagues don’t seem to mind sharing personal behavior that might compromise them later.

I had learned from my younger years not to compromise myself when I drink. And well, once again, I was the first one to leave. But by the time I got home, I was glad I had left. My head had started spinning and my stomach growling.

I have made many mistakes while ‘partying’ with friends. I have hurt people and these are traumas I need to face now. But I have learned. And today, I know the right time to leave. I know just how much to share, and just how much to hide. I know what needs to be kept between us, and what needs repercussion.

I love my co-workers. I’m just not sure that I’m ready for them to truly know me. I’m afraid it might jeopardize my position at work and consequently my career. The luxury of not caring about self-control is a small price to pay, considering all the prosperity these people have brought me. In reality, I’m thankful for their help and care, and I respect them to a level that surpasses a bar table.

One day I might be able to let my freak flag fly at Karaoke Thursdays, but for now, I feel comfortable and safe knowing that I’ve held my own this far. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from working full time in a huge office, for a world-wide company, is that they need us more than we need them.

- Ms. Rodwell