Tears Fell Like Raindrops

I normally write my stories considering how they will be perceived.  I have to admit at the outset that this one is primarily for me.  They say it is good to get things off your chest and not to bottle things up.  Every year at this time, I have the same problem.  You will see what I mean if you read the story.

If you have ever had a dog, you will know that there is nothing quite like the love of a dog.  They give love unconditionally and are always happy to see you, even if you have only been away for a few minutes.  We can learn so much from dogs.

September is always a solemn month for me.  Among other things, it is the month when we lost our beloved little Tia Belle.  I have written about this and about her before:

[For some reason, the link in the frame below, does not work, so here it is: https://vocal.media/families/saying-goodbye-is-never-easy]

She was an absolute little gem.  A purebred Shih Tzu with all the sass that comes with the breed and more.  Everywhere she went, people said, “I just have to pat her.”  She lapped it up, of course.

I won’t go into all other little idiosyncrasies, but you can read about some of them in the story above if you want to.

This year, more than ever, I have missed her.  I have been living by myself for two years now, and I have two Shih Tzus: Ella and Gi Gi.  I have written about them before.  They are my best buddies, but this is not about them; it is about Tia Belle.

Tia’s ashes sit on my sideboard.  I often pause as I walk past.  I am reminded of a saying I came across on the internet:

I came to you late last night,

To be with you while you slept,

I lay my head on your pillow,

While next to me you wept,

I looked at you with love and care’

  And licked away a tear

Until you join me once again

I will wait through all the years.

This poem is not for me. Rather, it is for my wife. Tia and she were as good as soulmates for the fourteen years we had her. They did everything together. Tia was her constant companion when I was away working, which was often.

It was during Melbourne's horrendous COVID lockdown.  Tia, who loved going on her walks and being out and about, suddenly didn’t want to do that anymore.  I thought it was just her being a little Shih Tzu princess, so I tried to get her to go on walks.  To this day, I have never forgiven myself.

She had an aggressive brain tumour. It was inoperable and causing her severe pain. This illness was taking away her life. It was very aggressive and developed in less than 3 months. She was our daughter, and we could not watch her suffer anymore.

We made the painful decision to have her put to sleep.  I still believe it was best for her. My wife has suffered greatly. She has faced years of bipolar disorder and manic episodes. We could not let her pass away alone and were with her when she took her last breath.  It was the start of my wife’s breakdown.

Five years on and the pain is still there.  I have had four attempts at completing this story.  Each time I try, I get all teary.  Why so much now? 

Simply put, my wife is struggling so much with her illness. She survives but doesn’t truly live. I keep wondering, “Would things be different if we had chosen another path?”  Would we still be together?”  I guess we will never know. My prayer for Tia.

Five years have now passed since that fateful day

When little Tia said goodbye and quietly slipped away.

I know she’s watching over her (my wife) in her own sweet way

And each September I shed a tear and a prayer I say

We will all be together some beautiful day.

If you still have your ‘best friend’ around, or even another one, they might enjoy a special treat or a nice cuddle.

If you have ever had a ‘best friend,’ you will know exactly what I am talking about. A dog's love is unequalled. There is truly no comparison. It is pure and all-forgiving.

Rest in peace, Tia Belle

Till next time,

Calvin