Stream of Consciousness
The Secret Battle I’ve Been Fighting in Silence
I’ve always been the one who smiles, laughs, and tries to keep life light for everyone around me. From the outside, it looked like I had everything under control. Friends, family, even strangers probably thought I was confident, happy, and “put together.” But behind that smile was a secret—a relentless, invisible battle I never wanted anyone to see: anxiety.
By Shakil Sorkar11 months ago in Confessions
The Thing I Pretend Doesn’t Bother Me (But Actually Does)
I’ve always prided myself on being easygoing, the type of person who goes with the flow. I laugh off small annoyances, shrug off mistakes, and tell myself that everything is “fine” even when it isn’t. On the surface, it looks like I have it all together. But behind that smile is a truth I rarely admit: I’m tired of pretending that certain things don’t bother me—because they do.
By Shakil Sorkar11 months ago in Confessions
We Talk All Day Online — But No One Really Connects Anymore
I spend hours every day talking to people — or at least it feels like I do. My phone buzzes with messages, memes, and notifications. Friends send voice notes, group chats explode with opinions, and someone always seems to be typing. But when the screen goes dark, the silence feels heavier than ever.
By Shakil Sorkar11 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: 専門
I am glad my aunt gave me this computer. It is only good for school, but I guess I appreciate it the monster. Ah I am channeling now. I am feeling negative energy and then when I look at the katakana I notice I made a mistake. I should've wrote katakana.
By Kayla McIntosh11 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: 一次関数
I really need to be working on my homework but I got like, two more vocal entries according to my todo list so I want to take advantage of that and use them completely to settle myself down. I am loving that the algorithm decided that hip hop violin music is my jam now. I really do feel it is, that sophistication with a slight edge.
By Kayla McIntosh11 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: 頼もしい
I am starting to both love and hate that I am back into learning Japanese. As I look at the tv screen, I realize that I am living a double life with the fact that I am lying about doing weed. I... No. I have to believe in my self and my own actions. I have to understand my purpose though. And that sounds so existential.. I really like Japanese but I think my purpose is my writing here... Or maybe it is all I can afford at the moment. I want to enjoy my time.... afford, yes. I am poor as fuck and can't afford anything right now, not even time.
By Kayla McIntosh11 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: 劣等生
I already wrote this but it got deleted for some reason. I just want to destress before I have to spend the rest of the day ( literally the rest of the day ) just studying Math and Japanese. Mostly math though since I have that pesky test tomorrow.
By Kayla McIntosh11 months ago in Confessions
echoes of my derangement
have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? well, that's the story of my life. but instead of a nice, neat line, my path got twisted over itself creating echoes from my past into my present. maybe that's just part of growing up, but mine are all laid on top of each other like a mess of fingerprints on the windows of my soul. maybe that's just part of growing up, too, but i think it's probably not. this feels like one of those stories you tell where you think it's normal until everyone is sad at the end.
By Maia Gadwall the metAlchemist11 months ago in Confessions
ramblings of a madwoman
so i think i figured out how, biomechanically speaking, metAlchemy works in the brains it works in (most/all) and why there might be an exception in my husband. ready to take a trip on the crazy train? it's about to get delusional in here, folks. here's your chance to walk away.
By Maia Gadwall the metAlchemist11 months ago in Confessions
Word of the Day: 優等生
I accidentally drank too much last night and threw up in the shower ( I cleaned it up afterwards but..) It happened because I bought alcohol instead of weed because I didn't have enough for delivery ( your order has to equal 40+ dollars to enable delivery ) and it already got sort of late/passed the delivery window and I didn't want to walk to the store to buy some directly so I thought I could just do that. Big mistake.
By Kayla McIntosh11 months ago in Confessions
