Online Dating - What Men Don't Want to See in Your Profile

Modern dating is done via dating apps. The chance of meeting someone at a bar and beginning anything new is now quite slim because of how often "when dates go bad" is shown in the media. Simply put, people don't trust one another.

Dating is safe and simple with dating apps. It's never been simpler to browse profiles and decide if you like someone or not. It's similar to going shopping for your soul mate and having a whole aisle to choose from. All of them are unique in some respects, yet many of them also have a lot of similarities.

I have been using dating apps for over a year, and although I have seen some success, I currently just use them to people watch and for enjoyment. I use Bumble, Tinder, and Plenty of Fish. Let's first provide a brief description of each one:

The most complicated of the three is Plenty of Fish (or PoF). There are several questions you must answer about yourself, your preferences, your goals, and your personality. You must also take a "Chemistry Test" to determine compatibility (although I am yet to see a profile with this completed). Then, in an effort to draw that one person, you upload images of yourself and create an extensive "About me" section. When you click on the photographs of nearby possible mates, their profiles are shown to you and you are then directed there. There is therefore a wealth of information available for you to choose whether or not to get in touch. PoF also includes a "Meet Me" part where you may quickly swipe to determine if you want to meet someone based on one picture. However, this portion is paid, therefore no one uses it.

• Tinder - this is a well-known dating app where users swipe left or right based on how attractive the person in the picture seems to them. Left for no and right for a yes. You may see every single person's profile photo on Tinder, which may include one to eight pictures. The description of the individual may be found by tapping on the photo's bottom; some people choose to utilize it, while others choose not to. When a match arises, it is often the guy who initiates communication.

• Bumble: Unlike Tinder, this dating app has a distinct interface. On Bumble, users browse up pages at a time to examine the profile information and more photographs of the person they are interested in, but unlike Tinder, these actions are based on whether you find the individual attractive or not. In contrast to Tinder, when a match happens, it is up to the woman to initiate contact; in fact, the man isn't allowed to send the initial message, and the woman has only 24 hours to do so. If your match especially appeals to you, you may utilize a tool to make the 24-hour period into a 48-hour one.

It all seems to be incredibly difficult, but it's not. I've discovered that the best "quality" women use Bumble, followed by Tinder, and the users of PoF are at the bottom of the list. Users of Pof are less likely to be professionals and prefer "viewing tv, going to the pub, and family time," but users of Bumble tend to be professionals who appreciate "the finer things in life and international travel."

I've made the decision to write this in an effort to explain, from a man's viewpoint, why the women on these apps end up being ugly, despite the fact that they may appear lovely. Additionally, I want to highlight certain misconceptions women may have about the male users of these applications. I am aware that some guys base their decisions only on appearance and do not read the description that has been meticulously written, but many female users also behave in this manner.

DESCRIPTION OF PROFILE

Let's see how the profile appears when it is read.

There are many different ways to write a profile, and although the majority are quite depressingly constructed, there are also those that are humorous and some that are really compassionately and thoughtfully written.

By "negatively constructed," I mean that they are a never-ending list of reasons why the user is fed up with dating apps and men in general, as well as a highly detailed explanation of what a possible match shouldn't do and say in the first message. If a user is specifically seeking for "one night stands," "a slender supermodel," or even "doesn't like children," they may utilize terms like "simply jog on." When a prospective match reads your profile, all of these things turn them off since they give the impression that it was created by someone who dislikes males in general and is hostile. Why are you hunting for a man, I mean, if you detest males so much?

There is a lot of sizeism. In one woman's profile I once read:

"What do you name a guy who is shorter than 6 feet? a pal"

How does this help you meet someone? Okay, that made me grin, but it also made me realize what I was up against: I am considered a "short a**e" in the dating world and unworthy of a date since I am only 5 feet 8 inches tall. Why should the fact that a guy is only an inch or two shorter than you while you're wearing heels restrict your possibilities for finding a wonderful partner who can fulfill all of your requirements? Everything appears to be based on outward looks, which makes me want to swipe left since it demonstrates how vapid these "beauties" are. Oh, so you are also a "short a**e" since you say, "I like to wear heels when I go out, thus this adds 4 inches to my true height of 5 feet 3 inches."

This statement is taken from another profile. This one belongs to a lovely 52-year-old lady who was 5 feet 2 inches tall and seeking a companion her same age:

Must be at least 5 feet 10 inches tall and have a full head of black hair (since I prefer to wear heels).

I believed that if he had reached the age of 50 or more and still had a full head of hair, he had done well; but, if it was still black, he must be using Grecian! If I created a profile that was this detailed and said, for instance, "Must be a size 8 to 10, 34 BB, and have red curly hair," I would be shot at first sight and dismissed by every woman who saw my profile for being sexist! Additionally, it would likely be screenshotted and posted on social media.

Clichés are another overused device in profile descriptions. "Looking for my partner in crime" and "love to travel overseas and in the UK" are two of my absolute no-nos.

In search of a "partner in crime" I don't want to assist you in bumping off your ex, dismembering him, and dispersing his parts all over the country. I work in jails, but, thank you very much, I don't want to live there. LEFT SCRATCH!

You like taking vacations both domestically and overseas, then? I believe that is self-evident—we all do! For me, it signifies one of two things that you include it in your profile. You're either seeking for a companion who would whisk you away to someplace warm and sandy three to four times a year since you ran out of fascinating things to say in your profile or you felt "traveling" made you seem unique or mysterious! LEFT SCRATCH! When we matched, I called someone out on this, and I asked her, "I notice you enjoy traveling. What's the finest location you've ever been?" "Scotland," she retorted. "No outside the UK," I enquired. Oh, I've never been overseas but I'd really want to; maybe we could go someplace together, she said. You want me to take you overseas because you are unable or unable to do it yourself, right? However, her profile said that she enjoyed international travel.

Women lament that men don't read their profiles, but considering how many of them I have seen that are written in this manner, it is understandable why guys don't bother. I've gotten to the point where I can tell from a picture alone if a profile is written in this manner.

The "attitude" in a profile—when a profile is written in a manner that is hostile toward possible matches—is another element that turns me off to potential mates. The phrase "if this is you then "jog on"" is often used at the end of many profiles that aggressively state what the person is looking for, what a match should and should not have in their profile photos, what a match should and should not behave like, how they should word their contact message, etc. This phrase irritates me.

Write about yourself on your profile, girls, and put some thought into it if you want to draw in a possible partner. Make us grin and pay us attention. Avoid using cliches, waxing lyrical about how awful guys are or how terrible Tinder is in general, or making generalizations about how men are all seeking the same thing, hung up on their ex, or married. Nobody dates a donkey, and these things only make you seem like Eeyore discussing politics!

PHOTOS

The profile photo gives us our first impression and determines if we want to read more about this person's profile. So why not use a picture of your kids, a landscape, a dark screen, a meme, or a super close-up picture of your eye as your profile picture? Really? Will you let me see the remainder of your photos? Erm... no! Regarding my final illustration: Do I need to print off each image in order to create a composite of your face if your profile resembles a jigsaw puzzle?

When selecting which photographs to add on a profile, avoid the following mistakes:

• Please refrain from using filters, SPECIFICALLY Snapchat ones. If I want to see you with bunny ears, I will buy you some, and if I want to see stars around you, I will hit my head on a hard surface. These filters don't accurately depict you and often make you seem horrifyingly awful. I won't recognize you when we first meet, and when I do, I may feel the need to iron your face, make you wear the rabbit ears and shining red nose I brought with me, and otherwise transform you into the persona from your profile photo!

• Never pout! Some of you resemble puffer fish attempting to resist kissing a shark's tail! Show me the glint in your eyes and the smile that would make the sun envious by just being yourself and grinning.

· Skiing Images - Ladies remark that men's photos usually show them standing by their vehicle or motorcycle, holding a fish (you'd be shocked how many women have photos like this), or both. This is incongruous if you call yourself an animal lover. I've found that, on average, 75% of the female profiles I've looked at feature a picture of the subject leaning on her skis or doing something similar. We don't want to see you wearing a helmet, scarf, gloves, ski overalls, huge boots, or anything else related to skiing. All we can see is your red nose, and we can only image the copious quantities of snot you were attempting to snort up it to keep it from pouring down and over your top lip into your cashmere scarf as you were having your picture taken.

• Tongue - If you are above 50, please refrain from uploading a picture of yourself sticking out your tongue. It just lacks any kind of appeal. Ladies probably believe it makes them seem amusing, enjoyable, and maybe even cunning. Really however, it only gives me the impression that you run out of picture ideas.

• Blurred Images - With today's technology and the advent of the selfie, there is absolutely no justification for the images on your profile being copies of old shots or fuzzy in any manner. They refuse to let us see how you seem.

• Face Only - Do not send me eight photographs from almost the same angle of your head! After the first two or three, I understand how you seem. Show your personality in them, your sense of style, and what you like doing in your own time (apart from skiing, of course). It's surprising what can be concealed when all you can see is a face. Show me pictures of you wearing various costumes in front of the same mirror at various times of the day, but never with the attire you were wearing in the earlier picture on the bed behind you or piled up at your feet!

• Cheesy Puffs - This is a specific illustration of what to avoid doing. A picture of this particular (large; I believe they go by the name BBW) lady sitting in a plastic chair on her patio with her legs crossed in front of her, slippers on, a cigarette in one hand, an enormous packet of cheesy puffs in the other hand, and her other hand shoveling a handful of said cheesy puffs into her mouth was thought to be attractive. Not in the least bit appealing, I should add.

What people will do! They then ponder their lack of or lack of success. Many people even combine these factors into a single profile.

Various current photos of myself in various settings, acting variously, and with various outfits may be seen on my profile. I received a lot of criticism from several ladies about one specific picture in particular. It is a picture of myself with a horse, therefore I probably don't need to explain how many female profiles I have seen that have pictures of the women with horses! I was informed that it wasn't macho, wasn't appealing, and was "wimpish" since I was shown with a horse that had his head buried in my chest when we first met. One lady actually attacked me over it in a really aggressive manner, which was quite distressing but ultimately demonstrates the kind of person she and many others on these forums are.

CONCLUSIONS

Many women want for a guy who is attentive, empathetic, kind, etc., but when they get one, they actually find themselves drawn to bad boys, and they suspect you of having an ulterior agenda because you are "too good"! The truth is that I'm just being myself—a genuinely nice guy who wants to treat you right.

Of course, the fact that these women have been mistreated by other males to such an extent makes them doubt their entitlement to receive genuine kindness from others is another explanation for the aforementioned. That so many guys treat women in this manner truly bothers me because it gives them the notion that this is usual and that receiving good treatment is not important. One of my matches took advantage of my kindness to the extent that I ended up footing her home expenditures out of compassion. When all I was doing was being truly nice and kind to her because that is who I am and how I was raised, she thought I was an extremely terrible narcissist who was using highly sophisticated psychological tricks to trap her. Based on her prior failures, she was unable to place me in a box, so she informed me that the situation was finished.

I regretfully came to the conclusion that the majority of us who use dating apps are, in some way or another, "damaged," generally mentally, by some event in our lives or experience with previous partners, based on my experience and the matches I have dated. Because of this, it is difficult for us to "relate" naturally, which causes us to keep repeating patterns that keep us stuck. To think that at some time in the future, everyone living in the current era will have used a dating app!

According to statistics, there are twice as many single persons who experience mental illness as married people, and single women are twice as likely to have serious psychiatric diseases as single males. demonstrating that the vast majority of women using dating apps—at least two thirds of them—are insane! You only have a 1 in 3 probability of meeting a nice lady (and a 2 in 3 chance of dating one), thus if I'm fortunate, out of the 3 ladies I'm paired with, only one isn't suffering from her past.

Having said that, women clearly have the power when it comes to online dating. What they may and cannot include in their profiles and images is entirely up to them. The same kind of behavior might result in a guy's profile being flagged several times as derogatory or offensive due to its phrasing. Women may be quite specific about their preferences, including things like height, hair color, facial hair, etc. Men would be advised to "AVOID" doing this. Again, a male would not get away with writing anything so rude, but apparently women may write whatever they want. It seems that individuals lose sight of the fact that they are attempting to entice someone who would like them, want to go out with them, and eventually, presumably, get into a relationship with them.

My own stance on the whole profile issue is: sincere photos that show not only my face but also my whole dressed body, in outfits I like wearing and do often, in settings I enjoy going to. I am straightforward and honest when describing my personality and self, as well as what I like doing. I've been informed that all of this helps me stand out from the crowd, but since it differs so much from the majority of male profiles, prospective mates could think it's suspect. How absurd that a genuine profile might raise suspicion amid so many false ones, or rather, individuals who are lying about who they are,

Due to everything I've described here, I've made the decision to keep my use of dating apps to "fun" only. By "fun," I don't mean one-night stands or other inappropriate behavior; instead, I mean people-watching and amusing myself by attempting to deduce from an individual's profile picture what they will say about themselves. In terms of both photographs and descriptions, I've also come to the opinion that the majority of profiles are just made up of individuals who dress and present themselves in a manner they hope would appeal to the other sex. I believe that many of the photos were staged especially for the dating app, and that the self-descriptions were written using "commonalities" that serve as matchmaking indicators.

I did spoke with individuals who had discovered their true love via online dating while doing research for this article. However, I talked to more people who had relied on dating apps for years—the longest period of time anybody I spoke to had consistently used these apps was seven years—and had absolutely no luck. Thus, a very tiny proportion of individuals may find it successful.

I've made the conscious decision to match in an organic fashion, which is to say, by an accidental encounter that results in a meeting of the minds and bodies, such as at a park or a bar. Using dating apps just makes you push the relationship forward when, in fact, it should develop organically and at its own pace. If it doesn't, at least I've experienced real love, which tragically came to an end because of a deadly disease. If something is supposed to happen, it will, so I'm simply going to go out and start talking to people. If not, I'll simply enjoy my own company and keep going on dates with myself! In the event that everything else fails, I suppose I could sign up as an escort and charge the women to take them on dates or, even better, on vacations overseas.

I'll leave you with one more suggestion that was somewhat "helpfully" offered from a buddy who has been successfully married for a very long time. He said "Avoid using the grocery store dating app. I've heard that you just have a "bag for life" after all!"