Odd Confessions No. 14 - 22

Enjoy the odd confessions by novelist Stephanie Van Orman!

Odd Confession no. 14

When I go fishing, I only ever catch cats.

Odd Confession no. 15

I was today years old when I learned that cafe is short for cafeteria.

Odd Confession no. 16

Today, my mood is perfectly described by saying that I feel like a swampy firework. Perfectly.

Odd Confession no. 17

My sons keep stealing the strap from off my purse. Not my handbag, which is a versatile bag used for every day. It's my clutch, which is for fancy occasions, like the opera (if you ever took me to the opera). It's a thin gold strap, almost like a necklace, but has lobster claw clasps at both ends. Apparently, this makes a better fidget than a fidget spinner because I have stolen it back from them more times than I can count. And I keep counting...

Odd Confession no. 18

When I was a kid, we had a three-pronged fork my siblings referred to as the Dreaded Three Prong, and if you got that fork at the table it was like "Doom on you. Doom on you! DOOM ON YOU!"

Times have changed and I still have that fork. My kids call it The Trident and if you get it at the dinner table, you're totally blessed. Weird, eh?

Odd Confession no. 19

I can't find any of my Velcro rollers. I like to put them in my hair for a minute while I blow-dry to get some volume, but my sons realized they could stack them and build things out of them like Lego and now... *huff* *wheeze*... They are nowhere to be found.

Odd Confession no. 20

I have a box filled with black river rocks at the head of my bed. When I have a headache, I lie down on the bed and gently place rocks on the places on my face where it hurts (usually over my eyes). There's nothing special about the rocks, except that they are cool without being as cold as ice. As they warm up, I replace them with fresh rocks. I am always better by the time I run out of rocks.

No one taught me to do this. I started this by putting a stainless steel chiming heart on my temple after I'd already taken as much Tylenol as you can take. I slowly realized that the Tylenol wasn't helping, so I started skipping that step and started going directly for the chiming heart. I stopped using the heart because you can only use it on one location of pain at a time and I'd fall asleep with it on my temple. If I moved enough to knock it over it was like a piano had fallen down the stairs next to my head. Chiming hearts are fascinating objects, but a word to the wise - do not fall asleep with one balanced on your head.

It's truly weird that I've done that.

Odd Confession no. 21

If I had it to do over again, I'd have a Lord of the Rings themed wedding. I was looking at the pics on Pinterest, and I was wondering why I didn't do that... even a little bit... just the centerpieces. Then I remembered. Oh yeah... I got married BEFORE Lord of the Rings came out. #asoldasmytongueandolderthanmyteeth

Odd Confession no. 22

The other day my husband and I were watching something about a couple reviving their love by beginning to date again. I groaned. It looked like sooo much work. I turned to my husband and told him, "I don't want to date you."

To which he replied, "That's okay. I'll date you in your sleep."

Well, we both laughed because that's our sense of humor, but then this morning, he was telling me he came to bed after me and I was mumbling in my sleep, so he said to me, "Hey, wanna date me?"

I was still asleep, yet I squealed, "Yes!"

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