Confessions logo

No More Excited!

Probably I was not ready

By Marie Cadette Pierre-LouisPublished 2 years ago 7 min read
3
Canva by me 😊!

I was very happy and excited the day I turned 18. I thought that I became unstoppable, and that I was ready to accomplish my deepest and most eccentric dreams.

In presence of my parents, I affirmed joyfully, “Now I am 18, I can vote, I can go anywhere without anyone’s permission, I can finally launch my own brand, and yet I’ll choose the love of my life…”

And the list goes on and on.

Many other similar ideas came to my mind. And I opened my journal, and made this list:

My list! lol

During the first months of my 18th year on earth, I was very happy and didn’t expect that everything I wanted to do have their own implications, and that I must skillfully analyze their possible effects.

And yes, being an adult is a very difficult task…

Back then I only saw the advantages.

I didn’t consider the fact that if I want to vote I have to be informed about the political arena beforehand, and then consider every detail: the people that I would vote for, the problems of my country and district, and so on. Because my damn choice would affect a whole community and the future generations.

I didn’t even realize that I could go anywhere I want but mustn’t go everywhere. Because most of these places are not free, and I have only 24 hours per day. And yet it is not that easy to manage time and money.

Nobody told me how difficult it would be to launch my own brand, have my own company and even make money in the first place. Because starting from scratch means starting without anything, and when this coincides with you becoming an adult, you have a lot to handle.

You must handle the stress of not wanting to make too many errors, but not willing to ask for help and advice because you feel like you have to prove that you are an adult.

That was me at 18, 19 and 20.

Photo by Pierre Bamin on Unsplash

Only seconds before I turned 18, I was just a minor, aged 17. At that age my parents were blamed for everything, including my nerdy style.

The moment I became an adult, I felt that I had to work very hard in order to be different from this person I was at 17 and years before.

Suddenly I became an active job seeker.

However, most people thought that probably I was not that mature to handle some responsibility. Only a handful of them believed me after I had explained clearly, and almost scientifically that I was a grown ass woman.

People seemed to see me the same way they used to see me when I was just 15, 16 and then 17.

How come they would see me differently?

If I believed in my mirror, I would not see any difference either.

Something I didn’t expect happened

Photo by Tom Barrett on Unsplash

At 21 I left home and went to another country. Other complications started, I had to know other people, speak and produce in another language, adapt to new weather, learn other ways to do stuff I had perfectly known how to manage my own way, respect new rules, and yes, adopt a new lifestyle.

I also had times to think about many things that happened to me.

And I made up my mind that since my 18 I have been in a difficult impasse where I was mature enough to assume the consequences of all kinds of errors that I made, but I was not that mature to earn enough money so that I could make good choices.

It seemed that I was giving my strength and dedication away and couldn’t get anything back.

I thought that I would be free when I turned 18, but I have become a willful slave. I have restrained myself from many things, only because I cannot afford to be the person I wanted to be.

It is very dismissing and relieving at the same time to blame someone for your pain and error. And when you are a minor, it is easy to just put everything on your parent.

We blamed our parents for not having us visit some awesome places, for not bringing us the gift we wanted, or for not buying us the trendy clothes most of our friends had.

Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

Only a few days after criticizing my parents for not giving me the life I wanted, I have become my own parents, and then I realize that I can’t make any difference.

I don’t go to any place that is too expensive, even though I would like to.

I don’t give myself any gift, everything I have I have worked for it.

Sometimes I even forget my birthday…

Instead of buying the trendy clothes, I look for the less expensive and the more resistant types.

That’s the way I treat myself!

Now I am my own f**king parent, nobody to blame for my nerdy look.

Be welcome!

Photo by Afif Kusuma on Unsplash

The worst thing about being an adult is that nobody intervenes in your little nasty pain.

If you need help you have to pretend that you’re close to death, because the farther you are the less people understand your feeling. And it’s not their fault, they have their own problem. Remember, they are also adults with their own stress and difficulty to handle.

Last week I had a very bad moment, I went to a conference but forgot my purse home. I spent the whole day without eating because my money and credit card were in this purse.

Nobody asked me if I wanted to eat, because they knew for sure that if I wanted to eat, I would have bought something.

But yes, I was craving for this delicious sandwich that I saw in my colleague’s right hand, and I would like to drink the tasteful juice the other colleague just brought after eating something in the cafeteria.

When I got home, I was full of gas.

I had a tremendous pain in my stomach. Call it stomachache if you want, but I knew for sure that I had something in my belly ―a little pocket of gas I guess, and the pain came exactly there.

When I touched on the left side of my belly, the pocket went to the middle. When I touched it in the middle, it went to the right.

It seems that it was alive.

I was with headache, diarrhea, and bellyache, and slept very late.

The day after, I overslept, but woke up very weak.

I am living with three roommates, and nobody noticed that I was ill.

Then I remembered when I was just 17, and I was living with my parents, every little pain mattered to them. They always scrutinized my body each moment to see if I needed some extra attention.

I felt like I needed to go back to my 17.

Therefore, I wondered if I was ready to be an adult.

But who is totally ready?

Photo by Shelbey Fordyce on Unsplash

We all have stumbled many times, and we have even fallen sometimes.

But the freedom we have got as adults have taught us to be strong.

Strong enough to ask for help when we need it, because many times when we don’t ask for help at the right time, we pay off consequences we have never thought we would pay.

Maybe if I have asked for something to eat, I would not be ill last week. But if I paid enough attention to myself, I would have brought money.

And yes, I made an error, and that’s part of the process.

Adulthood is a process instead of a state.

That is, I am no less an adult than the idea I made up when I was 18, and so aren’t you!

Secrets
3

About the Creator

Marie Cadette Pierre-Louis

Hey, it's Marie! I enjoy writing poem and amazing sotries :)

Medium | Instagram | Twitter | TikTok | Tumblr | LinkedIn | YouTube

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  3. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  1. Expert insights and opinions

    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

  2. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  3. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  4. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

Add your insights

Comments (1)

Sign in to comment
  • Dharrsheena Raja Segarran2 years ago

    Lol, this was so relatable. I was so impatient to grow up and now I regret it. I feel like an 8 year old trapped in an adult body

Find us on social media

Miscellaneous links

  • Explore
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Support

© 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.