No love lost

When I was 22 I was at the tail end of a few terrible relationships, and I remember talking to my mum about it. I said: "I wish the universe would just do me a solid and help me meet someone decent for a change!" No kidding, complete honesty, several seconds after I said this my mums front door opened. In walks a family friend who was coming to visit, and unbeknownst to us, she had brought someone along. As she walked through the door, a young, beautiful girl came in behind her. The family friend said hello and announced herself, but the moment I locked eyes with the girl it was as if fireworks exploded and we couldn't hear anything. As I shook her hand and introduced myself, she let loose a smile that lit up the room, and that was that as they say.

Flash forward a couple weeks and we had made it official on fb- which is how you know you're a real couple when you're in your 20's. I was madly in love, and she was the kindest, sweetest girl I'd ever met. There was a relatively significant distance between us at the time, as she lived in Boston and I in Vermont. But you can bet your bottom dollar I had zero issue with making to 2 hour drive to visit as often as I could every week. It was on one of those trips where my lovestruck brain got me into trouble.

I had made it to her house without issue, and we were almost always throwing ourselves at each other the moment I arrived. So it was obvious that I would inevitably forget something important when it came to my haste to see her. This time, as we tore each others clothes off, it donned on me that I had forgotten something... rather important in my car. With many apologies I separated from her and quickly ran through the door and down the stairs to the street. I vaguely remember her calling after me as I did so, but I was in the heat of the moment and nothing would stop me from completing this intrusive errand.

It was only when the front door shut behind me and I stood on the streets of downtown Boston that I remembered two very crucial things. The first, was that it was November and it was freezing outside. The second, was that not only had I forgotten my coat, but I had also forgotten my shirt, shoes, and pants. Yes I was standing on a sidewalk in nothing but my boxer shorts in the middle of November. Realizing my mistake, I quickly turned around to go back upstairs and remedy my error. Let me tell you, there has never been a more foreboding sound in my life than the moment I turned around just in time to hear the door click and lock as it shut in front of me.

Refusing to accept my situation, I tried the knob to no avail. At this point I there were some people on the street who had noticed me and stopped to watch the strange man in his underwear struggle with a doorknob. I muttered profanities under my breath for a few moments, before I remembered the intercom. Hopping up and down on either foot to stay warm, I searched for her apartment number. Finally spotting it, I thanked my lucky stars and pressed the button. It was only after repeated attempts, and complete silence from the box, that I discovered it wasn't currently functional- to my utter contempt of the housing authorities.

My mind reeling, and my options running low, it then dawned on me that those vague sounds of her yelling after me may have been a warning about this. I turned away from the door and noticed I now had a small crowed forming behind me. It was a modest group, only a few people wanted to see where this farce went, but their unambiguous smiles and muffled laughter nearly cause me to die from embarrassment. I ran a few yards down the street, where I had luckily managed to park, hoping that I could maybe find a spare coat in my car. But I should have known, when the universe wants to ruin your day, it doesn't half ass it.

I stupidly tried every door, but they were obviously all locked. My skinny legs now turning blue, I put my head on the hood of the car and sighed. Then I had an idea, I ran back to the door and looked up. I searched the windows of the building until I found the one I was convinced was hers. I gathered a few small pebbles from the sidewalk, and started trying to toss them up at the window. Even after all these years, I still vividly remember the kid walking with his mom who pointed at me.

His finger raised, he looked to her and said: "Mom, why is that naked guy throwing rocks?". She didn't answer, or at least I didn't hear anything, but I did catch her quicken their pace from the corner of my eye. After a minute of tossing them, someone came to the window at last. Even from the distance I was at, I could see that the person at the window was not my girlfriend. It was either an individual of very small stature, or a child, and from the way they looked out and quickly ran away I'm guessing it was the latter.

At this point I had given up, I was resigned to the fact that the person in the window would inevitably call the police, and I would be arrested for a lewd act of indecent pebble throwing. I guess you could call that my "come to god moment" because as soon as I accepted my fate, and was ready to spend the night freezing in my boxers and sleeping in a holding cell. An amazingly kind old woman asked me if I was okay and would like to use her phone, when I saw her kindly old eyes I nearly cried. The funniest part of this story, at least to me, is that as soon as I had a working phone and was preparing to call her. The door of the apartment magically opened, with my girl friend standing there wondering what was taking so long.

If you want a moral to this story, I guess I would have to say... Not even the heat of the moment can't keep you warm, when your standing in your underwear outside in November.

The End