my sin

Most of the time our secrets are kept under lock and key, we hide them away from the eyes of those who once thought to harm us and thus became our friends. Secrets can kill the beauty of a lie, but they can also bring back to life tormented faces that try to stay hidden from the world around them. If I fall into either of these two categories? It remains to be seen, I have always liked to arrange everything, even if it is chaos. Because that can sometimes be beautiful too, especially when the heart is included in the equation. We were born to solve these problems, realize our goals, and become the best version of ourselves ever. Of course, first, like any human, we should understand our nature and differentiate between losing and learning. Sometimes I also find it funny how I manage to become a real contemplator, but I never get to put into practice what my mind realizes. Unfortunately, I should present myself as a victim of my own pessimism and psyche that still needs to be worked on, and by worked I don't mean reading ten more personal development books, but putting into practice everything I've learned. It's a shame that day seems far away and I'll have to struggle quite a bit to get there, but nothing is impossible, right? Especially when I have a certain plan for the future, it is not something extraordinary, but rather something that can help me fulfill myself spiritually and then help others. Because this is one of those goals, to succeed, in one way or another, in inspiring others. At first it's a bit difficult, as one of my high school teachers used to say: first, be the change you want to see in the world. Unfortunately, I should present myself as a victim of my own pessimism and psyche that still needs to be worked on, and by worked I don't mean reading ten more personal development books, but putting into practice everything I've learned. It's a shame that day seems far away and I'll have to struggle quite a bit to get there, but nothing is impossible, right? Especially when I have a certain plan for the future, it is not something extraordinary, but rather something that can help me fulfill myself spiritually and then help others. Because this is one of those goals, to succeed, in one way or another, in inspiring others. At first it's a bit difficult, as one of my high school teachers used to say: first, be the change you want to see in the world. Unfortunately, I should present myself as a victim of my own pessimism and psyche that still needs to be worked on, and by worked I don't mean reading ten more personal development books, but putting into practice everything I've learned. It's a shame that day seems far away and I'll have to struggle quite a bit to get there, but nothing is impossible, right? Especially when I have a certain plan for the future, it is not something extraordinary, but rather something that can help me fulfill myself spiritually and then help others. Because this is one of those goals, to succeed, in one way or another, in inspiring others. At first it's a bit difficult, as one of my high school teachers used to say: first, be the change you want to see in the world. but to put into practice all that I have learned. It's a shame that day seems far away and I'll have to struggle quite a bit to get there, but nothing is impossible, right? Especially when I have a certain plan for the future, it is not something extraordinary, but rather something that can help me fulfill myself spiritually and then help others. Because this is one of those goals, to succeed, in one way or another, in inspiring others. At first it's a bit difficult, as one of my high school teachers used to say: first, be the change you want to see in the world. but to put into practice all that I have learned. It's a shame that day seems far away and I'll have to struggle quite a bit to get there, but nothing is impossible, right? Especially when I have a certain plan for the future, it is not something extraordinary, but rather something that can help me fulfill myself spiritually and then help others. Because this is one of those goals, to succeed, in one way or another, in inspiring others. At first it's a bit difficult, as one of my high school teachers used to say: first, be the change you want to see in the world. but rather something that can help me fulfill myself spiritually and then help others. Because this is one of those goals, to succeed, in one way or another, in inspiring others. At first it's a bit difficult, as one of my high school teachers used to say: first, be the change you want to see in the world. but rather something that can help me fulfill myself spiritually and then help others. Because this is one of those goals, to succeed, in one way or another, in inspiring others. At first it's a bit difficult, as one of my high school teachers used to say: first, be the change you want to see in the world.

I have to think seriously about this part and take action. Of course, April, people don't change at the snap of a finger. I still have hope, so the fight is not all lost.

I close the last button of my shirt and head towards the mirror that dominates the room. I carefully analyze the material to make sure there are no creases left by the iron. I hate it when that happens, I'm not usually a perfectionist, well that's down to the ironing and cooking. As much as I love wearing shirts, I hate ironing them. It's a pain to see how on one side it looks perfectly folded, and after you hit the iron once more, a crease appears, which ruins the whole balance. I take the hairbrush from the small bedside table and start to arrange my hair, holding it with a slightly more colorful clip at the back. Many people have called me a perfectionist, but I'm not. I am not like this. But I don't see what's wrong with wanting some things to look good, without imperfections. Too bad these rules only apply to things,

I try to find my peace by inhaling and exhaling deeply. Today begins the last year of college and the emotions have already started to grow day by day. Ever since the summer I counted every day until today. I just want to get rid of the last sessions, the graduation and all the exams that have been bothering me since the middle of the semesters. Getting the job you want is a dream come true. I look at the clock on the bedside table. I start to hurry because I don't want to be late for the opening. Although I will hear the same boring things from the dean, I will only see parents in tears because their offspring just entered the first year of college, I still don't want to miss it. Or at least my subconscious keeps telling me it's time to leave and stop hanging around. Before I take my bag off the bed, I look at the framed photo next to him. I meditate on her for a few seconds, smile weakly and leave the studio, closing the door behind me. I try as much as possible not to involve my professional life with my personal life. Events from my childhood until now have taught me how to pull myself together in the worst moments. Usually when I'm in a more distracted state it means something is about to happen, so before I leave the block I look up one more time, praying that today will go well without too many surprises.

I didn't sleep very well and woke up a little early, but I still don't feel the fatigue. In general, Friday marks a really hard and tiring day for me from a mental point of view. During the weekend, while I'm at home, I make up for lost hours of sleep. I know I'm doing myself a disservice with such a schedule, but if I don't fight now, I won't be able to enjoy the years to come, when I'll be a little calmer.

This mask that every man chooses to wear to hide his mistakes has already begun to crack, but I know he will never let the truth escape. My mask solidified because of those evil people, who managed to bring me to the stage of supreme judge over my own being. They brought my flaws into view, forgetting about values. Now I'm pulling myself out of the shadows, but I, in turn, have forgotten what values ​​I hold. So I struggle. I struggle to come into the light and put the labels aside. At one point I even understood that my attitude ends up making people disappear from around me. I never understood why, I was just myself...that's all. I tried to blame it on the fact that people prefer real people around them, not people who can't get over failures.

I'm happy with all the decisions I've made and I'm sure I won't back down from anything. If anyone has to bear in their wake, it will be me.

I get to the bus stop on time and as I get on a musty smell invades me, I scrunch up my nose because that's the least pleasant way to start your morning, but I try to ignore it as I proceed to my usual place in the back of the bus where I'm safe from prying eyes and can read to my heart's content, when I notice that someone has just occupied it. I glare at the person, but not for long, as I feel all the blood rush to my cheeks at the recognition of the person taking my place. I'm stuck wide-eyed, my morning really isn't off to a good start. And, for the thousandth time I ask myself, why didn't I find the card? Ah, yes! I hate driving.

Even though it's a little rude, I spin on my heel quickly, breaking any eye contact with it.

Xander Mianov, my subconscious whispers, as if it too is afraid of being heard. I swallow hard and think about the face I just made. Apart from me, everyone present takes a seat on the bus, which I resent. That is my place, which I have held for two years. And since when did one of the faculty seekers think to come by bus? Usually, he and his friends appear speeding through the school yard, just like in action movies on TV. Of course, the package also comes with the girls who sit and fall around them when they make an appearance. People like him exude arrogance from a post office.

I dwell on this subject until I feel the bus start. I dig my fingers into one of the seats, cursing because I'm too short to grab the top bars. And you won't see me wearing heels. I chose the worst day to wear a skirt, behind me there are two men who are either patting each other on the shoulder, making obscene hints, or trying to push each other towards me. That's why I chose to sit in the back, with this bus there are also some employees from a construction company, and I can't say that all of them are so well-mannered... in fact, none of the six scattered on the bus. Something inside me flinches when I feel a slight tug at my skirt, and then I hear the laughter of those behind me. I bite the inside of my cheek and pray for the ride to end sooner. If I took them, I would cause a scandal because they are working men with wives at home. Or they were when a girl was attracted to them because of their swagger.

To hell with him, he couldn't find another bus. With a lot of spite in my eyes, I fix my attention on the windows to my right, which form the reflection of those present on the bus. When I try to look back out of the corner of my eye, I'm literally dumbfounded. Mianov is no longer in the back seat, he didn't even get out, but is sitting close to me. He looks at the window for a moment, and when our eyes meet, he turns his head in shame. I hear a sigh behind me and I bet it's his. I can't take this anymore, at the next stop I'm going to get off this bus full of... I can't find a suitable name and I'm going to walk to college!

I think I see the sign indicating the next station, when I feel hands wrap around my waist and press me against a warm chest. I stifle a scream and when I'm ready to stomp on him, he buries his head in my hair and whispers:

- Don't react harshly, those in the back almost stuck their hand in the wrong place. We both want to go to college, not to any department.

The thick, husky voice makes my heart beat faster. Xander Mianov is just helping one of the nerds he has a lot of classes with. That Xander who is rumored to be in trouble with the police. The town is small and rumors travel fast, especially when it comes to the well-known. I start to visibly shake, he notices and wraps one of his hands around my stomach and the other grabs onto one of the top bars. His arm remains at a perfect ninety degree angle. I get his point and grab his forearm with the hand I had stuck in one of the chairs. A few nasty remarks are heard from behind, but I ignore them, except to hear the one behind me snort and tense up. I am helped by the one about whom there are not too good rumors, but I have no other choice. Better Xander, than those behind me. In fact, anything is better than men who look like they've never seen a woman before.

At the station where the builders generally get off, there comes the moment when I feel that I almost become one and the same person with the person behind me because of his grip. Two seats to our right clear up, and Xander pushes me as fast as he can into the one by the window and sits down next to me, just as our friends in the back get up. I'm sure my face is more than a crab's right now, but the one next to me seems very calm. His legs are outstretched and he holds up two fingers as a sign of peace to the builders. They look at each other smiling which makes us both tense up. Folks, I'm not going to ride this bus again. I think I've said this many times over the last few years and I still find myself here.

It is only after the bus starts again that I manage to breathe properly.

"Who the hell goes up in a skirt when they know what specimens are here?" he asks and I can see the change in his tone.

I raise my eyebrows, glaring at him.

— Next time I promise to take a fez and a coat down to the ground, I answer him just as mischievously. And just so you know, you took my place.

- Where does it say?

His question reminds me of my childhood days. Back then there couldn't be a day when we didn't fight on the seats on the benches or in the swings.

I begin to breathe in and out, calming myself down.

"Thank you," I murmur under my chin and fold my hands over my chest.

Xander ignores me and frowns at the stations ahead. I live about half an hour from the college. It takes a while to get there, I would have liked to live a little closer, but my budget does not allow for a more expensive rent. The dorm rejected my application in my freshman year of college. In a way I was glad, I heard that not too nice things happen there.

Knowing that Mianov is next to me, I can hardly stand still. It's the first time I'm so close to the tattooed brunette aka one of the most loved people in college. Too bad he doesn't love everyone. In my four years of college, I only looked him in the eye three times, this would be the fourth time, but I can't say it felt good. Those two glaciers make you shiver. In fact, sometimes I had the impression that he would jump on my neck if I stared too long, maybe that's why I refuse to focus too much on him. I start playing with my fingers in my lap. I don't have a problem with this situation... specifically the lack of communication. On the contrary! I'm not a very sociable person, I couldn't make friends in college for some reason. But I don't mind being lonely,

I look down at my legs, cursing myself for choosing this slightly baggy skirt instead of the cone skirt. My eyes widen when I arrive with the analyzed a little below the calf. A cut has made its appearance there and I swear it wasn't there when I left home. I think I got it the moment Xander pushed me into this spot, if not...

My legs start shaking again. I fasten the edges of the knee-length skirt.

"Xander?" I ask and it feels so weird to pronounce his name. What exactly was going on behind me?

Sure enough my expression turned from cancer red to lime white. My biggest fear is realizing that I was in danger and I didn't know anything. That's because of all the scenarios that occur in my mind. I could easily be picked up by those men when they got off at the next station. Unscrupulous people!

The person next to me looks at me with a serious expression and leans down enough to see what the problem is. He mumbles something indecipherable and rummages through his pockets. He takes out a handkerchief and throws it in my lap. The cut is not deep, but even so, a little blood managed to ooze out of it, which trickled down to a certain point.

"Like I said, bad choice."

I shut up at his reply, wipe the mark from my leg, and decide not to return the handkerchief to him like this, with my blood on it. I quickly put it in my bag with the thought of washing it when I get home. At least I can be polite. Even so.

After another five minutes of me getting used to the male perfume combined with a strong smell of tobacco coming from beside me, the bus stops. All the while, Xander was frantically typing on his phone, completely ignoring me. I almost howl with happiness when I see the college gates. Xander lazily gets up from his chair, smacks his lips and looks behind him, hands in his pockets. I don't want to be seen going out at the same time as him. He doesn't even stress about my presence, he goes outside and I see him already greeted by some people.

It's April time, I encourage myself. One year, you can do it. And so I get off the bus with a smile on my face, but not for long.

"Hello, April."

I can recognize the mocking tone anywhere. I know Darren is behind me, but I pretend not to hear him and slip into a group of students. Me and Darren... we're not on good terms and I really don't want him to ruin my first day. I try to shake off any memory or malice from him and succeed, but that's because my senses become more acute when I hear what I shouldn't from another group I pass.

"Damn it, Xander!" You said you would get off at the second station.

My blood freezes in my veins. This grumpy, popular, killer-with-the-stare Xander had to get off before he could get behind me.

"What makes you think I like them now?"

I place my hands on my hips and follow his lead, raising one of my eyebrows.

"The fact is, you're a match, you two weirdos."

— Thanks for the compliment, unfortunately not all of us can go as far as the rest. We will keep your importance in mind when we send your wedding invitation.

He huffs, rolling his eyes. I hate it when he does that.

"Hey, Rocfford, catch it!"

As soon as the cry is heard, a bottle of water is thrown at Darren, he manages to catch it, but the accident causes the cap to be opened and the water spills on his shirt and trousers. I hear him swear and look towards where the bottle came from. I turn with him, Xander along with one of his friends - who I have never seen before - look at Darren with the corners of his lips raised in an arrogant smile.

- You're a bit red in the face, we were thinking of cooling you down a bit.

The short guy next to Xander is the same one who called him out for not getting off at the right stop. I smile faintly, something tells me that the heat is not the reason why the two acted like that and for the first time today I thank the heavens that he did something good. I don't wish Darren harm, but I can't say I feel bad either when karma rewards him like this.

"Come on, Rocfford, don't get mad at us!" It was a help, not to believe anything else after the girl.

- As I said, you would fit in perfectly with them.

Darren is talking to me but looking at them. I'm speechless for a few seconds after making a brief comparison between the relationship we had before and the one we have now.

— I've always managed to fit in well with good-hearted people.

I walk away from him under the eyes of the two who analyze me carefully. I have a feeling this year is going to be different, and something has to do with Xander and his friend. What happened earlier was not an accident or a joke, it was a warning. Something tells me that soon everything will go crazy.