Hey mom, Here’s something I never told you…
October 12, 2020 In online school at the beginning of the year I was doing ok and normally good. But as a couple months passed I started struggling. Yet same time thinking of the people I met online before. The ones you never trusted or always told me were bad guys and could hurt me. As much I was worried and scared I had put that fear way behind me and got connected with them again as times in school got harder. I stopped going to classes at times and gave up on a lot of my subjects along with all I needed to focus on. Yet somehow still managed to do…good? In the end I ended up having my good and bad times. Which is why at times I had seemed to lash out but I wouldn’t have ever meant it towards you. After all your all I care about and love. But in the end I was terrified of telling you and afraid I would get this taken away. I understand if they were bad and whatnot. I enjoyed their company, they made me feel happy and told me they were who they said they were and I remember when you told me that a lot of grown men or women do that. Only one had and she soon came forward to admitting it. She explained how she had trouble in school (public) and how her parents harmed her which they had. So I gave her another chance because I loved her and saw her as a sister. I had a few relationships with some guys as well that were nice at first, one two years older than me. Such a dear. Treated me so kind and loving but soon came to find out that he never meant any of it. Shocked and surprised as I was, I was used to it. Twelve relationships that had failed. I still didn’t give up. Because those I met online were helping me through what I was going through. I know I was falling behind after a year but things got harder and I got more stressed about having to hide this. You weren’t trying to be mean about it either but to protect me from the dangers which I never saw. I saw it as a way of you taking away things I loved doing which was a cruel lie my mind thought. And til this day I still am upset about it, but same time I have no regrets for not feeling bad because of how much this changed me and made me happy. Of course I feel bad for lying but for hiding some people I care about, no. After 2 more years of this and things are still going smoothly but I plan to tell you, I WANT to tell you. Because in the end, your the women who raised me, feed me, gave me everything I could want, and gave me a roof over my head. I’m thankful to have such a caring mother like you in my life and just know when you see this story and read it, I hope you know I never did this to hurt you or worry you more, but to show how much I love my friends. They always been there and helped me with so much. Helped me with work for school, played games with me when I was lonely or hurt. In the meantime you did all the same for me. And told me everyday and night on how much you loved me. Hiding the fact of the thing you told me not to do and over time helps me understand what I need to do the help protect my future kids. And my future friends kids, even my future siblings kids. I want to help change our world from the bad to the good in order to make it safer for the little ones we have alive today. I love you so much mother, more than you could ever know. So much it’s hard to express, and I hope in the future we can share more secrets like this
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