After a lot of suffering and wrong choices, I found my soulmate. Here's a little bit of background to get started. He is amazing although he doesn't believe it. We met 1,5 years before we started dating. A month after dating we had to be in quarantine together and then he didn't leave. 3 months after that we moved into our apartment. In two weeks is our first year anniversary.
I had a hard childhood. I know that there are worse cases than mine but still, it left big mental damage for me. It has left me feeling that nobody cares for me, even if I die. But then came this guy who absolutely adores and supports me. For a period he was the only reason I am alive right now because I knew that if I would die, he would be so hurt. I don't wanna hurt him. As it turns out I am the only person who can actually hurt him because he is very good at shutting down his feelings.
On the other hand, I'm very connected to feelings and emotions. I can understand them much better than some and I have been analyzing them for many years. Sometimes are emotions so powerful that I don't know what to do. So I hide. Literally. He is that calming voice who helps me with analyzing and planning the next steps. I am so thankful for him.
After everything, he does for me rises the question: What am I giving back? It is hard to explain because I have asked him that many times. The answer is, I'm making his life better. How does this work? Because I am like an open book, I bring a lot of positive emotions and even laughter into his life. I support him and let him be himself. Not being allowed to be himself was one of his greatest fears when going into the relationship. I love him just the way he is.
We are both oriented towards improving. That means if there is some misunderstanding we sit down, pause our lives, and talk it through. Every talk ends with a question: What can we do that this kind of situation doesn't repeat? All this is sometimes a hard thing to do because it means lowering your shield and admitting your mistakes. It gets easier with time.
Why do I think he is my soulmate? I entered into this relationship with very low hopes because that was baggage from the previous relationship. The same was with him but for him, I was the first girl. After a time we discovered all these positive things about each other. Some of these things were so good that I would never have imagined that it's possible. Still to this day this keeps happening. It's not like there aren't some negative things but we're both working on improving.
Also, there is humor. This is one of the first things we discover we have in common. Every day is filled with jokes and laughter. My laughing makes him laugh and because I think my laughing is funny I laugh even more. This can go on for minutes until my stomach starts cramping. My boyfriend didn't laugh much before dating and he loves that there is someone who makes him laugh every day.
We make each other more confident. Although his confidence was much higher than mine when entering this relationship, it was still low. Every day when we notice something good about each other we say it out loud. It has taken me to a level where I'm actually starting to accept who I am. It gives me a chance to figure out who I want to be.
He doesn't exploit my kindness. Because of my very low self-esteem, I always set other people's needs before mine. Many people, including my last boyfriend, have learned to take advantage of it. He doesn't. Instead, he helps me understand why am I important.
He makes every aspect of my life better. It sounds like a dream, but this is a dream come true. I love him so much. I am the luckiest girl to find someone like him.