My Friend Was Harassed, Just Because He Is A Gentleman

My good friend called me up at 1 AM distressed. He had a date with a girl he met online that got upset because he called her a taxi to get her home safe. He was willing to ride in the taxi with her.

She got upset because she can call herself her own taxi so she called him a “sexist pig” and left his apartment.

He tried to call her multiple times to discuss the situation but she never picked up, instead, she send him malicious messages calling him “fat” and “disgusting geek”.

My friend was literally in tears. He is a very sensitive soul. He is the kindest guy I know.

“What happened?”

The story goes like this: my friend made a post a month ago on the social network, a girl responded to the post and they started talking online. After two weeks, she suggested they meet up. They went to a coffee shop together.

All went okay — she was quite charming, talkative, and overly friendly.

If he would have told me back then, I would advise him to be cautious, as many narcissistic women at first seem overly friendly but soon they turn out to be psychos.

My friend was excited that he has made a new friend.

It’s important to note that he hasn’t been in a relationship for 6 years, he doesn’t do parties, he doesn’t drink or smoke. He doesn’t do one night stands.

He is one of the kind at the age of 26 —he is building his career, saving money and making long-lasting friendships. He is patiently waiting for the “one” and “only”.

He was raised to respect, nurture and care for women.

Whenever he comes to visit me he brings me chocolate. On my birthday he brings me and his other female friend's flowers. When we need him, he is there for us.

He is the oldest sibling to three sisters. He was brought up to be a gentleman.

He decided this time to invite this girl over for dinner and a movie. That afternoon he saw her post that was weird and cute at the same time.

She posted that she is getting ready for a date with the nicest guy she knows and she can already imagine them getting married and him paying their mortgage. Yes, a red flag to me.

To him — cute but a little bit weird post. He ignored it.

So, she came over and they had dinner. After dinner, they watched a movie together, she put her head on his shoulder and fell asleep. I believe that she was faking it. After the movie ended, he called the cab for her to get safely home.

As soon as he told her that the cab is on the way she changed. She told him that she is “not a hooker and that she can afford her own cab”. She also told him that he is very fat and ugly and that this was the worst night ever.

She went ballistic because he did the right thing.

She stormed off the apartment and since then she has written him spiteful messages.

She forgot her wristband at his place and demanded him to return it to her. Twice she changed the date of the drop-off, making him travel in vain to the city center with her wristband. At last, she arranged a meeting between him and her friend where he would drop of the wristband.

When he arrived her friend gave him a smug look.

“I don’t know what she saw in you, you aren’t attractive”.

I would slap her instantly. How more abuse could be tolerated? What did my friend do wrong?

It took him two months to get over this situation. He still doesn’t understand what happened. Should he have sent her home alone? On foot?

What was expected, wanted, needed from him? Where did this abuse come from?

He had to block her on all social media. One night he told me he is “done being a gentleman when everything is turned against him anyway. ”

He is right.

Women don’t want chivalry. Chivalry goes against the #metoo movement and feminism. It makes certain women feel weak and it's just inconvenient. It means that they are good men out there and that not #allman are douchebags.

I have witnessed a lot of women rudely snapping at men saying things like: “I can open my own door!” or “I don’t need your help! What are you doing?!!”.

I have witnessed arguments between couples when a man was holding an umbrella over his girlfriend's head while it was raining. Some women consider chivalry as if a man is telling them “you are not equal to me”.

The funny thing is that I know a handful of women who want men to be chivalrous, but only men that they are involved with. If it comes from a random guy at the airport who proposes to carry your bags then it's creepy, sexist, abusive and patronizing.

Women are contradictory. In their head, they believe that if a man is showing politeness, that somehow this man undermines the women’s strength and capabilities.

Look I am tiny and because I wanted to carry and move my own stuff around the house, without seeking help from male friends I’ve hurt my back. Now I have to have pain injections done every week and do physiotherapy. This time I called up my male friends and sought help — they showed up and were even upset that I didn’t let them know earlier.

Yes, I am a weaker gender — physically. So yes — I appreciate it when a man helps me out.

Many men have to walk a thin line, mind-reading when a woman is okay with accepting chivalry and when it would be taken as an insult and cause stress and issues. They are scared to open up a door because they might be called sexist and patronising. Or they would get attacked when they pull a chair for a female colleague at a business meeting and even get reported to HR!

Many men stopped showing kindness to women because they fear that it would be misused against them.

What’s the point of being polite when others will judge them?

It’s better for men to carry men’s stuff, open door for men, and help men when in distress. Because fellow men won't report them.

I respect chivalry. I don’t take it for granted. To those uneducated let me tell you what chivalry is:

“Chivalry is noble qualities or courteous, polite, kind, and unselfish behavior, especially by men towards women.”

Many people consider chivalry dead. Many men are scared of being too polite, kind, and attentive to avoid judgment or fear that a woman will consider his behavior inappropriate.

Chivalry is having good manners towards women at all times, without expecting anything in return.

Don’t get discouraged by women who don’t appreciate kindness. Keep being yourself. Keep being a gentleman. Keep being a gracious human being.

Stand out in the crowd because there are people who will always appreciate a helping hand.