Confessions logo

My Deep Confession

For My Mom…

By Kayla SmolenaersPublished 2 years ago 3 min read
Like

To Mother Dearest.

Before I say what I wanna say. I just want you to know how much I love you. And I don’t question who you are as my mother. Please don’t take what I’m about to say to heart. It’s not a reflection on you. I’m about to let you in on my life a little bit more.

Here it goes…

There’s something I want to share with you. I’ve kept this confession hidden my whole life. I know it’s time to come clean and confess my real feelings and thoughts about my life. My twin sister and I being the only people in our family of colour kinda takes a toll on our confidence, and we question where we fit in the family. We question our place in our family unit. I can’t speak for my twin sister, but for me, the way I feel is, even though we are biologically related to everyone in the family, and that we were naturally convinced and born into this family, I still feel out of place. I know I don’t know my father. But he is the one where I get my dark genes from. I am even curious about my fathers side of my family. Maybe I’ve got other siblings, or cousins, aunts/ uncles. Who knows? I know there are certain cerci stances as th why he remains a mystery (which I won’t push), but I can’t help but wonder or imagine or have questions. All the older kids you had before having my twin sis and I, have two white parents. But the way I get looked at, like all weird, when I introduce my friends to my siblings and the look on their faces is outrageous. I should really get used to carrying a camera around with me everywhere I go, so every time I can catch the crazy looks on their faces over not understanding something so basic. At least I can look back and see all of the silly pics of everyone’s confused facial expressions. I can add them to my scrapbook. Like do I really need to give everybody the talk about how being a half cast works? Wow! “It’s not rocket science people”!!!

And it’s not even just people outside of the family, but people within the family point out that one difference too. One minute I can feel like I fit in with the family, hanging out with my siblings. Until they get mad and then all of a sudden, they call me out for being a bit darker than a white person. They pull the black card. And what gets me is that, even though my head knows they are just saying stuff like that because they are mad, and they are trying to get to me and hurt my feelings, my heart then realises even though my siblings are being rude. Deep-down they are also right. So I start to question whether or not my older brothers and sister are racist? Do they only deal with me and my twin sister being people of colour because they have to? Because we are their little sisters? These are all the questions and thoughts that run through my mind constantly. I guess I’m always going to go through life wondering if my love ones have a problem with my race.

I’m really sorry mom. I hope this hasn’t upset you. To be completely honest. I feel a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders, now that I’ve confessed my true fear. Thank you for hearing me out mom, and thank you for listening.

Happy Mother’s Day beautiful momma. I love you more than words can say!

Love your daughter Kayla XX

Secrets
Like

About the Creator

Kayla Smolenaers

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments (1)

Sign in to comment
  • Kayla Smolenaers (Author)2 years ago

    I love this piece. It’s beautifully written. And it’s so captivating:))

Find us on social media

Miscellaneous links

  • Explore
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Support

© 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.