Lysistrata Waiting

I knew that I was interested in a more complex form of sex since puberty. I craved endurance tests and ways of pushing my body into transcendental places. If naughty was a spectrum I have always been in the most colorful pools of it and without shame. I knew what I wanted and played pretty hard to get there.

I find myself in this phase of life, where I am harnessing that energy and putting it towards art. I am finding myself considering the quality of the energy exchange. I don't think it's merely a function of aging but more of a part of understanding that my body is a temple. Fucking people who probably don't care about my spirit, but only their rutting pleasure is dull. Vapid sex with fuck boys never feels complete. I'm tired of exchanging glittering energy for mediocre Netflix and chill. I'm tired of men programmed by porn with scripts of empty pillow talk with a degradation bent that I didn't consent to. Why should I care about your fantasies if you didn't bother to have a coffee with me?

Sure this may seem wildly old fashioned for someone who wants to be in a nontraditional poly relationship focused on expanding human connection through deep dives into altered consciousness. It's because of these things that I'm choosing a more chaste life at the moment. Armed with a lot more knowledge about the alchemical possibilities of sex it is even more important that I seek out partners who can exchange energy at a more even match. For someone of my endurance and appetites that's just not some random dude from <insert dating ap>.

I don't think I am alone in this. As I talk to women about why I am choosing this more chaste path the quality thing resonates with them. Being used as a fucktoy, while hot in many interpersonal applications, just doesn't cut it when there is no greater intention. Most of the times, that's simply an indicator of how little discernment men have when using a hole. Women aren't taught better discernment and they keep rewarding this banality. I am not interested in being the place of your mediocrity. I don't believe any woman wants to be in that place either. We all would appreciate it if you tried a little harder to value the humanity within yourself so that you're capable of receiving ours.

I keep joking that we should Lysistrata this situation.

I don't blame men either. They are lost at what to do and are living in a disordered society that feeds then a steady diet of garbage ways to interact with people. Since we continue to have debates about sex education, we have never been able to lay a foundation that actually addresses any of the issues. If you happen to find a magical pocket of sexual explorers then you might find yourself getting an education about how to create energy with your partner for that interdimensional orgasm. What about your everyday Applebees Walmart customer, missionary plus porn. Porn has such a limited imagination when it comes to quality sexual encounters. Though there has been a rise of women and LGBTQ+ folx producing porn which has been infusing the scene with romantic educational videos that respect women bodies. This kind of porn is hot and hopefully will teach the next generation how to be Intentional and intimate. Finally, all of us could be getting more of what we want.

As someone who has counseled many a kink player I have found that when you respect a woman's body she feels safer to play in the fantasy containers you co-create. With respect that foundation of safety allows her to open up about her fantasies and likely they are far more entertaining than what you dreamed up. By creating containers that embody secure attachment, which requires a commitment to holding each other's humanity as sacred, not a lifelong vow, we can get more of what we want instead of less.

Taking this space to myself has allowed me to experience love in all these new forms. I wasn't on the hunt for just another dick to ride. I was on the hunt for souls who light up when they smile. The grace of how my girlfriends carry themselves in the world. The minds that are always whirring creativity and art. The way people hold space for me in their hearts without expectation. I am learning to love a community with all the innate service heart that I brought to partnerships, and it's far healthier this way. I am also learning to heal myself and to take responsibility for the lens I choose to see the world through. I adore the ways I can inspire and be council. I love being the cheerleader for my friend's talent. I love receiving the wisdom they pour into me. I love falling in love with humans in this slower way. If we get to intimacy, it's a bonus and a gift. Imagine a world where we treated each other as gifts. I have spent this time learning how to be embodied and heart-centered. I have learned to harness intensity and bring it to blank pages. Intention and ritual are beautiful containers in which to fuck in, and I'm not accepting anything less because I don't have to. I want to trade intrinsic value for intrinsic value and I will no longer take the company script of souless factory sex. I'm looking for the transmutation of Gold. I have cultivated a life full of love and I will hold out for those that can meet me there. All of these ways I'm learning to love people will serve my desires to create a wild poly family of love and lots of sex. Instead of being centered on hedonism, it will be decentralized around love and transcendence. We need new models of love. Let's build them.

To all those who have found themselves in such constructs, I thank you for your inspiration. It is an act of revolution to love out loud and I am thankful for you leading the way. Culture is made by communities sustained by truth and love.

Onward future humans!