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Losing the Butterflies... and possibly Love for your SO

how do you maintain love?

By ChantelPublished 2 years ago 4 min read
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Losing the Butterflies... and possibly Love for your SO
Photo by Nick Herasimenka on Unsplash

It's hard to reminence with an old lover that you remember having such strong feelings for- and for it to feel as if it that old relationship has died.

I have met up with an old lover of mine and stayed with them for 10 days.

I never felt anything besides a sense of comfort. I didn't look at them and feel butterflies or sparks- I was still attracted to them looks wise, sometimes. But passion wise?

Emotionally? No.

We could still have a few good talks here and there.

But what I crave so much is to feel emotionally attached and appreciated and to continuously be a little curious about my partner. And that is where I am stuck.

I didn't feel curious about him anymore- everything he did seemed predictable and my questions that would be meant for a deeper conversation would be ended in a sentence or when he wanted to get into a deeper conversation about politics and race- I would simply shut off and not want to discuss them with him.

In my head there was no point. We would never see eye to eye on these topics and I was not interested in listening to his perspective at all.

When you lose interest in what the other has to say- is that when you know the spark has died out?

He was still being loving in his own way- and I felt cared for, but I would always reach a point where I wanted more. I wanted to feel the butterflies so desperately again. I wanted to miss him when he was gone, and I wanted us to exchange genuine concern for each other and show it.

A part of me feels like our romance had died. But I could be just as much to blame.

I believe it's my fault it died out. I would try to continue to be romantic and sweet- but it is hard to do in long distance. I wanted to feel sweet feelings towards him again, but all I felt was comfort.

Maybe that is what long-lasting love is. Comfort. But I want more.

I'm not satified with his way of loving. I want verbal confirmations and outlandish gestures- just thoughtfulness mixed in.

I want us to be able to talk about future plans and want to have the other included in it- and I want to talk with him about more than just his pity party for himself.

The trust broke between us after the 2nd time we stopped talking and I ended things.

And I don't think the spark can come back- without him saying sweet things to me again like we did in the beginning. But we aren't enamoured by each other in the same way either- so how do you make that work?

I felt the butterflies when he explained what love could mean to him over snapchat- but it quickly faded when I thought about how we aren't planning to have a future together and that he didn't feel that for me.

I'm going on a date today- and this man I think is more compatible with me emotionally, and maybe even humor wise too. I honestly can't remember. It's been a could of months since we last spoke.

I don't have expectations for today, but I do feel as if I am more open with my feelings now then I could be previously. I feel that I am on the right path and as long as I continue to appreciate the small things, I will be okay.

It does feel lonely being single tho. Most of my best friends are taken and I'm letting them enjoy their new SO's because I completely understand.

I always want to spend time with the person I'm dating, especially in the beginning stages. And I don't want to be a downer about that stuff- but when you are single, you need single friends. Because single friends are not constantly occupied like your taken ones. They can manage to sit and have great conversations.

So to conclude, I'm not sure where life has taken me and if I will ever find the type of romantic love I have been seeking. But I would like to and hope one day it will hit me out of nowhere.

Dating
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About the Creator

Chantel

I range from social justice issues to sexuality articles, all depends on my mood.

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