The competition is in your biology.
From the desire to pass on our genes to the next generation, competition can be seen throughout the animal world and can help define all sorts of bizarre behaviors.
Our culture reinforces the competitive beliefs of business, sports and even our families, where we may feel we have to compete with our sibling for parental honor or attention. As we get older, the competition intensifies, and we can begin to see everything as a zero-sum game, where when someone else wins, they automatically lose.
When we are in a relationship, we should be two adults working together like adults, but that does not usually happen when we are angry or scared. Events that occurred in our childhood have a bearing on how we see things now. When upset, we tend to react to current situations with fear of childhood.
Often in those stressful situations, our inner child will take over and can only perceive what they are looking for, rather than taking the time to reason with someone else.
Determine Your Motivation: It can be difficult to see the motive of what you are driving and it is much easier to focus on someone else's actions. Looking inside us can give us insight into why we feel we are competing.
Before you "say and blame" your partner's behavior, make sure you also honestly look at your intentions and remember all the things your important partner did so you don't have to do it.
Identify your patterns.
Stop and think about all the times in your life when you have been told you are very competitive, take time to meditate, and then:
Write it down. Stop and ask yourself who you are arguing with, and try to realize when those feelings appear in your life. It’s hard to change a pattern when you don’t see it or know what created it.
Face them. We often think that as long as we avoid things that hurt us or make us feel inferior, we will be happier. But it is where we actually stop, think and deal with the things that hurt us when real growth occurs.
Talk to someone who is neutral. Identifying our patterns can be a challenge to do on our own, so consider talking to a doctor, close friend or consultant about the competitive practices you see.
Have regular access with your partner.
Talk to your partner about anything that bothers you and the patterns you see. It’s easy to get caught up in everyday life, but remember that relationships don’t work unless you do. Keep your spouse in check, and share your experiences.
Tap at risk. It is difficult to ask for help, especially if we have been supporting a family. Sharing the burden may not make your situation better, but it does help to talk about problems, especially with someone you love. Bonus: your partner definitely has his or her problems, and finding a solution to your fears together can bring about your relationship.
Express gratitude. The list of gratitude has changed a bit, but counting your blessings can help you get a better idea of your world. Often, the things we take for granted are things that someone else wished they had.
Use the list or magazine to track the things you appreciate and share with your partner.
Ask them to create their own list and compare notes.
Are there any similarities in your list? Can you appreciate the things she is grateful for?
Express jealousy. Like expressing our gratitude, expressing our jealousy can also give you insight. If you look at other people and are jealous of their house or their relationship, it can help you decide what your goals are and what you want to work on.
As above, make a list of things you would like to do for others - material, emotional, or spiritual.
Compare to your partner's jealousy list.
Use those lists as an escape route to discuss your values and build a list of goals you want to work on together.
Competition has its uses, but make sure you control your behavior. It can be hard to change our patterns and then to turn to the new way of life. But by working with your significant other instead of competing with them, you strengthen your commitment and increase your chances of success.