Letter to a Former Teacher

I am writing to you to let you how I felt back then and how I feel now. For the two years I had spent in Hall Elementary School, I could say I was not at a happy place. And I thought my home life was too much. Well it was, but matters at the school were probably the worst. You were a teaching supervisor, the one I was supposed to look up to like a mentor. But you were not a mentor to me or I believe anyone else I knew. You yelling at me did not help me with my confidence or made me focused thoroughly with my work. Your words stuck with me for thirteen years even as I became an adult. I could not sleep well at night worrying about how I might do on a test and the amount of homework I received everyday. As I sat by my desk doing with my work, I always worried about my future. Soon I then realized how much that pressure put on me might affect it. It was everyday that I dreaded going to school, not just because of you and possibly other teachers. Whenever I was having a problem with my classmates, who constantly made fun of me or put me down, it's like no one would help no matter how much I would ask. At the time, I did not realize how much it would affect my mind state especially for someone with a intellectual disorder. Even after all these years I still took full responsibility for everything that happened. I felt sick to my stomach about certain situations to the point I became sick one day. I remember that day and what happened during and after that Monday morning. My stomach was hurting real bad as I was about to prepare to go to school. I told my mother how I was feeling that morning and she let me stay home. But the pain worsen and I vomited in the late morning. I took the whole day to rest so I would feel better for the next day. Just recently the same happened again, but given the circumstances and the situation that I am now, it was not as bad as I first thought. You and Ms. Smith were supposed to lead me in the right direction, give me a sense of balance and confidence and help me make the right decisions. But I felt that I didn't get that from you or everyone else. I missed out on socializing with many of my classmates due to the large amount of work you had given me just because I could not get a multiplication problem. It was that one thing that got you treating me more harshly than the other students. Then again, they probably had gotten similar treatment from you. I always thought about why you did treated me that way. Were you that way with other students before I came along? Did you had a teacher from your school years who was like that with you? Then came fifth grade, my senior year, where things were still up and down but I was under the supervision of someone else. However half of my fifth grade class had tease me worse than what happened in fourth grade. I was probably at a much more difficult place than I was the previous year. I had never felt such hate towards me until sixth and eight grade. Those years were probably more worse but equally it depends. Then once I entered middle school, your words and their actions continued to get to me deeply and throughout sixth grade I had sudden illnesses. But it was my eighth grade year that was similar to fifth grade but worse in some ways. Once I graduated and went to high school, I still felt I couldn't be the student, all because of how you made me felt. But I found comfort and I am peace with myself and one day we might cross paths again.