The UK guy didn't work out because he had dated my sister in the past and I don't like 2nds. It is not for me.
I just made a seeking.com site page because my best friend from college is participating in it and I am curious to what the lifestyle would be like. I know I should be safer, but at the same time curiousity is huge!
6 DAYS LATER. My thoughts.
What is my life? I feel like I am constantly asking myself this question but it feels realer every single time. I miss being in love. I miss relying on someone other than myself. I miss having a person that I could call mine and would check up on me everyday. I miss having someone to experience life with. But I don't want to settle for any person. And that is the hard part.
I know I had to block my ex but I'm sad about it. I miss how reliable he was and can only reminiesce about the good times at the moment. I miss how comfortable we were together and how he would cuddle me. I miss just having him there to talk to. Although there were so many times when I was physically with him that I hated life. I hated it because he didn't seem funny to me- I just loved our sex and the comfortability I shared with him.
My friend is in a toxic relationship where her man won't even let her shave to wear a bikini on a girls trip to Monterrey. I just want to travel and be unbothered. Can that be my life? Can I manifest that? I honestly don't know what is next for me in life as I just feel like I get bored so easily. I want something new but need a remote job to travel.
I wish sometimes that God could just present me with 5 different life paths and let me choose one of them to live in. I'm not feeling satisfied with my life anymore. I feel like I need to completely change it up and move somewhere new and date new people again. I wanted to try sugaring but fuck do I hate talking to people who only want sex with me.
But also basic men aren't it. I'm just torn, horny, and want to cuddle and quit my job for an event coordinator role even if it's less pay because at the very least I am entertained.
Will I ever fuck my salsa buddy? I just don't know at this point- I could since my other fuck buddy is out of town for a month.
Who the fuck knows! I don't know what is next for me in life. I want a new man but I know they always appear when you aren't looking for someone UGH.
And I'm tired of recruiting- it's the same stuff over and over but I know it's how I'll be able to make money.
I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT ANYMORE OR HAVE I EVER? ALL I KNOW IS I WANT A NEW SCENERY A NEW PLACE AND NEW LOVERS AND FRIENDS.
That's on period. I just want a blue print, please? What the FUCK.
1 day later and I am not in love with British 1, but I do find him more attractive then I did originally. He does seem to be a really good friend. And I realized I just can't be a sugar baby.
I made the profile and everything- but at the end of the day, it isn't worth it to me. I support others who want to take that path, but I am too emotionally vulnerable. I hate being around fake people or men that want to just use me for my body. I want to feel comfortable and attracted to them as well. Making it a transaction would make my self worth feel different in a way I don't want to experience. And I don't need the money. I'm not paying rent. Would be nice to find a rich boyfriend tho.
The amount of extra therapy I might need to go to for selling myself in a form of prostitution, I just don't think I can do.
Maybe I should try rent a friend again.
British 1 talks with reason and its refreshing because none of my girlfriends at the moment have that. They support crazy and spontanious but don't look at the consequences of ones actions and I appreciate that about him.