It’s back isn’t it

‘It’s back, isn’t it? Yeah, I feel it too. I thought we killed that part of us. We buried it deep inside. But I don’t think we can ever kill it… All the anger and the hatred and the pain and the hurt. It’s always gonna crawl back in.” By a TikTok creator called Ryan Willard who creates lots of motivational content on TikTok.

I am a sucker for motivation quotes and all quotes that seem fit for me at the time.

As I look dead in the eyes of someone who believes in me. I knew then it’s still there lingering hasn’t gone completely. The anxiety, depression, the anger, the hurt and most importantly ready for me to turn around to hit me full blast just like last time.

Trying to hurt me. Destroy what I’m putting in place for my own safety. It’s not going to work. Things that I put in place is saving me from crashing.

My emergency bag/emergency bags

• Two fluffy blankets
• Cushion
• One set of ear defenders currently
• One stress ball/square

I’ve been learning how to deal with my emotions, trying to ignore the negative energy especially from certain people as well and creating that safety net around me that I can feel safe.

If I leave that safety net space it’s going to be there. The negative, anxiety and depression going to hit me. I don’t want to go back there because it’s dangerous and I’ll loose everyone. They will become more sad, heartbroken, helpless and everything else. If I did go back down that path and the two temptations are there.

I personally don’t want to go down that route because it’s not nice to be in that position again anyways. The pain and the suffering the first time around to the point that no one really understood or how to help at the time.

I am trying so hard to put things in place now like my emergency bags so that I’ve got a go whether I am at home or out and about things such as night sea fishing. I forgot that I had mini posters that I’m waiting to put up whether it’s in the new place or put them in a folder of some sort so that I can go to them when I need to.

My favourite one is Grounding Technique, meaning the 5 senses

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can touch
• 3 things you can hear
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 things you can taste

It’s worth a try out because it’s like going back to basics when you were a kid doing those things but now you can use them as a self help calming. I would probably do it in a notebook so that I could keep it as a diary of what I’ve done to help me to calm down. I always try and find ways to help me get out of a state without having to go to some therapy sessions to which I quite often find not helpful one bit. In my personal opinion that is as I don’t like talking.