It Didn't Mean Anything

"Hello, Joe? Joe?"

"Arg, voicemail again. Damn it, Joe, I know you're going to answer one of these times, and you know I'll keep trying until I finally get you."

"Joe? Oh my God, I got through. Hi, Joe. It's me, Jennifer. Uh, Jen. I've been trying like a gazillion times. I would have kept at it, too. You know that. Now, I hardly know where to start.

Please don't hang up on me. I just wanted to say that I'm so, so sorry for calling you Mark in bed last night. No, wait! Let me explain. Please, don't interrupt until I've had my say. I want to tell what happened as a way of apologizing. It's kind of an interesting, long story, so be patient, okay?

Joe, I love you. I didn't mean to call you Mark. I swear. I know you and Mark used to be best friends, and that your falling out was all because of me. I didn't know he was going to admit we had been intimate.

That just ... kind of ... happened. It was an accident. It didn't mean anything.

Hang on. No, wait! I said to let me speak. Stop talking, Joe! I promise I'm getting to the story. You'll see. Just give me two minutes.

So, I had way too much to drink at Silvia's party, like, a whole month ago. Remember, you left early because you had to get up in the morning. For some reason, I can't even remember why. I think you had to work or something. The rest of us kept drinking, playing games, singing and having a great time. I wish you had stuck around. Maybe things would have turned out differently. Like, way differently. Like, WAY better.

Well, Mark offered me a ride home. As you know, he lives kind of by my place. Well, sort of. He didn't drink nearly as much as I did. Either that or he can really hold his liquor, 'cause he looked like he was totally sober. So, I took him up on the offer. It seemed like the safe choice. I'm sure you wouldn't want me to, like, crash or something, especially after drinking.

There I was, sort of weaving on the way to his truck. We were talking about movies. Or music. Or butterflies. I don't know. Anyway, he put his hand gently on the small of my back to steady me, and I leaned my head on his shoulder. Before I knew it, we were kissing. I don't even know who initiated it. Maybe it was mutual. With my head spinning, it just felt amazing, like I was on a rollercoaster. Then, the heat turned way up.

I knew you guys were friends, but I figured doing it one time wouldn't hurt anything as long as you didn't find out. He wasn't supposed to say anything. If only you had stayed in the dark about it. How I wish Mark had just kept his big mouth shut.

He wasn't even as good as you, Joe. I mean, I guess people need to get to know each other's desires and needs and stuff before they can really please their...

Well, anyway, his man parts look so much like yours, and then you got that hair cut that looks a little bit like his. With the low light, I couldn't really see you that well, and I got confused. I just ... let the wrong name slip out.

I'm sorry, Mark. Uh ... um ... I mean I'm REALLY sorry, Joe. Will you ever forgive me?

Joe?

Joe?"