If Socks Could Talk

I would like to preface that 2009/10 was a weird time for me. I had already graduated high school but didn't go to college right away so I was babysitting my siblings mostly, and playing soccer on the weekends with a homeschool team. I wasn't even a part of the homeschool group, my little siblings were and I think my parents just wanted me to be a part of something.

That's where I had met my best friend at the time, we'll call her Liz and her younger brother/ also "best friend" at the time, we'll call him Hazel Eyes. I decided to not disclose their actual names because even though I am now happily married and I have zero connection with either of them anymore, the thought of what happened that day and the days that followed prevents me from doing so.

As I said, I had met them through this homeschool soccer team, but I forgot to mention that the three of us came up with the idea to create a Christian band called Remnant City. As I said, it was a weird time; I was a lost puppy trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my life. Becoming "famous" was on the list of things to do and it felt like a good way to start.

I was the lead vocalist, rhythm guitarist, and songwriter. Liz and Hazel Eyes both played electric guitar and would switch off playing the lead. Hazel Eyes, actually taught himself the guitar in a month just to be a part of the group. At the time in my mind, he was a freakin hazel-eyed prodigy! We had also recruited another soccer player friend to play the bass, we'll call him Chad. I hated him on the soccer field. He was arrogant but also good at scoring goals or whatever. He ended up being a nice guy once I got to know him. Lastly, we ended up adding my little brother who is an actual prodigy, he played the drums.

We weren't great but we weren't bad. Honestly, I just enjoyed being out of the house and jamming with my friends. We saw each other often, mainly Saturdays after practice we would hang at Liz and Hazel Eye's house. They were the only ones with a fully furnished basement and our music wouldn't disturb anyone. We were together pretty much every weekend.

That was just a bit of context to show this situation just made it even that more weird.

It was no surprise that I soon began to develop feelings for Hazel Eyes and pretty much everyone knew it but him. I mean, what was not to like about him? He was basically Lionel Messi on the field & Kurt Cobain on the guitar! Did I mention he had hazel eyes? A lot of girls liked him, when I say a lot I mean every girl that knew him liked him. Why did I have to be one of the girls! My emo outcast side wanted to be unique & liking him pretty much knawed at me every time another girl swooned in his presence.

I was happy that at least I was the one chatting with him daily, bouncing back ideas for the band, talking about books, God, and other deep things. I honestly thought I'd found my soulmate and was trying to nurture the friendship to hopefully be something more at some point till he all of a sudden had a girlfriend! She came out of the blue and I was all hurt and distraught but kept up my best friend front because I didn't want to ruin the friendship.

Want to know the worst part about being the best friend to your crush who doesn't know he is your crush? Giving him girlfriend advice because they're going through a “tough time” and he didn't know what to do! Shoot me now! Welp, I decided not to tell him my feelings and preserve the relationship so what did I expect, right? I did the best I could with the advice part but decided to come clean to Liz because it was "all too much to bear alone!" Oh my god, the drama!

So now that Liz knew how I felt about her brother and was perfectly fine about it, in my mind things would get better. She was on my side and liked the idea of her brother and me together instead of the other chic. The only issue was the new girlfriend, which I knew wouldn't last based on the information he provided me. Therefore, I had some hope.

One regular day I woke up and immediately grabbed my phone to check for messages. Liz and I had been texting all night and I believed that I'd fallen asleep in the middle of our convo so I wanted to see where we'd left off. I had a ton of chores to do that day, this I remember. Laundry was of course on that list so I attacked that task first. Being the oldest of six children, let's just say laundry was a never-ending task. My mom wasn't feeling well that day and was resting in bed so I decided to get a head start before lunch. I separated the clothes and started the laundry at the same time texting Liz that entire morning.

Those were simpler times when I responded to texts right away. Mainly because I hated my life at the time and any form of escape was better than nothing. Liz understood me, and I understood her. We had a great friendship at first, but now having had involved her in my feelings with her brother made things understandable odd. Anyways, it made sense at the time. She was my best friend!

The hours passed and I was taking care of my siblings and folding laundry. I don't know why but I had decided to tackle our enormous basket of mitch match socks while still chatting it up with Liz. At this point, I was also simultaneously chatting with Hazel Eyes as well. They were all out to lunch with their parents that day. He wasn't enjoying himself and wanted to finish his conversation about his girl problems and I was telling Liz how much I hated how I couldn't tell him how I felt about him.

She then asked me, "What do you see in him anyway? He clearly isn't interested in me if he is with that other girl." She had a point. That's when I put my sock down and began telling her everything I adored about him. His eyes, his personality, his teenage angst, his talent, his mind, his faith, etc. I said, "I'll always love him even if he never sees me in that way because I valued our friendship more than anything. I just want him to be happy." And pressed SEND.

Side note, I can't help but feel like I should have written Taylor Swift's song "You Belong with Me." (Which, by the way, came out a year after this incident.)

I felt good after sending that last text to her professing my undying love for her brother. I proceeded to sort the socks. By the way, if you don't know already, sorting baby socks is a pain in the ass. I believe me having to babysit all four of my baby siblings and do chores like that was the best birth control ever. I apologize, I digressed.

Some time had passed and I looked down at my phone and neither Liz nor Hazel Eyes responded to my texts, so I kept sorting, and sorting, and sorting, and sorting. Several minutes passed before I heard a BLOOP! I grabbed my phone right away to continue my conversations when I read, " You messed up..." then another, BLOOP! "Amanda! What did you do?!"

I was thoroughly confused and it felt like forever before I connected the names to the messages to then scroll up to the previous message that invoked those responses. That's when I saw my error. My Taylor Swiftesk message meant for Liz, I had accidentally sent to Hazel Eyes himself! I remember sliding from the couch to the floor with my lap full of socks. It felt like my world was spinning because all the blood went from my head to my toes. I just remember feeling like the biggest fool in the world and that there was no coming back from it.

If those socks could talk they would've said, "Yes, Amanda you 100% messed the f%@* up! Socks to be you!"

As I stared at the heap of socks on my lap it seemed to replicate my emotion/situation in that exacted moment. Mixed up, messed up with no hope of finding their match! It was a hopeless endeavor because I do stupid things like this! It was time to throw in the sock and accept defeat.

At that moment I jumped up, dropping all the socks to the ground. Running up two flights of stairs up to my sick mother's bedroom diving into her bed with my head under her pillow and started yelling repeatedly. I MESSED UP! I MESSED UP I MESSED EVERYTHING UP! My mom was utterly surprised and confused at my abrupt entrance and tried to console her overly dramatic, angst-filled teenager.

"Amanda, what happened?" She asked. It took me a while to calm down and speak but eventually, I did and began to explain the entire situation to her. I honestly don't remember a single thing she said in response. I just remember feeling like it was the end of the world, and I will never see my friends again.

I'm pleased to reassure you reader that things did get better and it wasn't the end of the world but I wish I could have told 18 year old me this.

I did see my friends again, we had an awkward couple of weeks but that was inevitable. Chad the bass player and I became really good friends and I think he low-key had a thing for me but that was NOT going to happen. Can things get any weirder?! Hazel Eyes stopped telling me about his girlfriend which was completely understandable. Not too long after my error, he ended up dumping his girlfriend to be with me because low and behold he felt the same way about me, too! YAY! Or so I thought.

It was a great 7 months of "courtship". Don't ask. Then 7 months later Hazel Eyes dumped me because "God told him to" on Valentine's Day mind you and that pretty much ended our friendship including my friendships with Liz and Chad.

It felt like the end of the world all over again then again doesn't everything feel that way at 18, or was it just me? As I said 2009/10 was a weird time.