I've Fallen And Can't Get Up!

As a rideshare driver, one of the most common questions I get asked is "What is the most interesting passenger you've ever had?" or perhaps "Tell me a story of the craziest rider you've had." Over my time as a driver, this list has grown and grown and grown, and I'd often joke that one day I'd make a book of these stories to which the response usually consisted of a gasp and a "You should!"

So here are some of my stories. Some are sad. Most are funny. Some show how passengers can be some of the best customers and some show how they can be the worst. Some may make you laugh and others may make you shake your head. All are true and from my personal experience. However, location and names have been altered for privacy (and because I can't remember that many people's names all the time).

"I've Fallen And Can't Get Up!"

I normally try to avoid the drunken scene when I can and be home early enough to avoid all of the people coming home from bars. I've never had anybody puke in my car, and I really hope to keep it that way (another question I'm often asked). However, I've found that drunks can be very cruel, angry, and mean as well as demanding. Unlike sober people who are the same, drunks don't always comprehend when things don't go their way such as when they put in the wrong address and get angry at the driver for it. Sometimes, however, I just need a few more rides for the night or I pick somebody up on the way home or people come out drunk from bars at unexpected times. That is how this story starts.

This story starts in Nightscene Town. It's actually a cute little city that is quite lively. They have festivals throughout the summer, parades for the holidays, and displays up for various themes throughout the year. Traffic can get very awful since it has one main street and many sides streets but no left turn lights at all, relying on the never-happening break in traffic to turn left. There is also virtually no parking or place to pull over. The streets are lined with wonderful little mom and pop stores but also with tons of restaurants, bars, and fun activities. The Nightscene Town often hosts special events to draw people into its lovely allure. On the nights and weekends, the bars and steakhouses stay open very late as people flock from all of the nearby cities to attend to the cute, lovely, and safe night life it offers.

I get a summons to Nightscene Town at just after ten at night. I'm finishing up for the night since it is a Friday night and while I don't mind dropping people off to drink, I try to avoid picking them up if I can so I'm just grabbing a few more rides on my way back home so I can spend my Friday night like I usually do...marathon anime and Oreo cookies. The passenger who sent out the call for a ride didn't fully put in an address, perhaps not knowing the number of the location, so the almighty GPS of Doom gave me a "range" to stop in. When I see addresses such as this, I attempt to contact the passenger to let them know that I am not being informed of their exact location and if they could update me, I'd do my best to get as close to them as possible. Unfortunately, there was no response.

I drive to Nightscene town and, thankfully, find an open parking spot near the "range" I'm supposed to be at. That in and of itself was a miracle since there's only about two parking spots per building available. Once I arrive, I once more attempt to contact the passenger, letting them know where I am parked, that I have my flashers on, and that I am ready for them.

No response.

As I wait, I glance around, hoping to see what looks like a rideshare passenger. We drivers know what they look like. They're usually walking really slow, phone in one hand as they approach the curb, glancing up and down the street a moment before looking back at their phone, back to the street, back to their phone, then finally towards the rideshare car with an uncertain look upon their face as though they're not sure if they should approach or not. In fact, this is the reason why I purchased a bright LED light-up sign for my car windows. You can see my rideshare shine coming way down the street, and I've found that it assures people much more of which vehicle to approach and ease their nerves about accidentally approaching the incorrect car. Also, I have clear windows (not tinted) so that they can match me up with the profile picture in the rideshare app.

As I glance around, however, I see a few people walking up and down the sidewalks but nobody who appears to be searching for their ride. I look at the buildings around me to try to determine where they may be coming from. I am parked next to a closed hair styling salon but within a stone's throw are two open restaurants and an open bar. I'm parked right by all of them but not sure which one my passenger may be in. Once more I text them to let them know I am still there and to inquire if they still need a ride, knowing that some people get to chatting with their friends and don't realize that their ride has arrived.

No response.

Just as the timer dings on me, letting me know that I will no longer be getting paid if I wait around any longer and that the ride must be cancelled, a message comes through: they are on their way. I pause a moment but then decide that the polite thing to do would be to wait. Yes, I do work to earn a living like we all do but I also would never want to strand somebody, so I decide to ignore the flashing red light on my app with the warning and wait for my passenger, telling myself that I'm doing a good thing despite them taking longer than the maximum of five minutes the rideshare allows them to stall for before sending the driver on another trip.

Finally, this extremely large lady waddles up to the car. I am not fat shaming for I'm no skinny model myself, but I was concerned with whether or not she'd be able to get into the vehicle. I have a standard four-door Ford so it's not a tiny car but this lady must've easily been 350 pounds or more. She knocks loudly on the window, and I roll it down. She practically spits out my name, asking if I'm her driver. I smile, nod, and unlock the door for her, expecting her to get in the back. However, she opens up the front door instead. I immediately reach over to be polite as I grab the handle of the seat, "Allow me to move this back for you so you are more comfortable." She immediately snaps at me to not move the seat, and I yank my hands back, not wanting to offend her. The lady, let's call her Janice, gets into the car, and I cringe as my car creaks and groans under the weight, worried about my suspension system, but I'd never want to appear to be fat-shaming somebody. I really am just concerned about my vehicle but I figure it's tough and can handle it.

Once Janice is in the car, I click on the app to confirm her destination. She immediately snaps at me that we're waiting on somebody so I smile at her and nod, figuring maybe that's why she sat in the front seat. I put my hands in my lap, not really sure what to say to this lady. It seemed that whenever I tried to speak, she got mad at me, and I didn't want to induce her wrath. This, of course, is back when I was a pretty new driver and less inclined to decline passengers for any reason out of fear of being accused of discrimination of one sort or the other.

Unfortunately, my silence didn't quell her anger as she proceeded to exclaim how I was supposedly late and how she had to walk ALL THE WAY from where she was with her friends, pointing at the building she had come from which, by the way, was just ONE building behind where I was parked. With the buildings so close together, it was perhaps two car lengths behind me at most. I apologized anyway, saying that it was the closest parking spot I could find.

Shortly after, her friends arrived. I knew I was doomed but I was in too much shock to say anything. Thinking back, I definitely should have said something but when you're a single lady working into the night doing rideshare, sometimes you just keep your mouth shut and tell yourself to get the ride over with. I tried to keep my expression professional as her three friends came out to join her: two ladies and a man. They were all extremely large. In fact, the lady at the front was the second skinniest person there (one of her lady friends was maybe around the 250 pound mark) with the other two even larger than Janice.

My knuckles actually turned white from gripping the steering wheel so hard as they squeezed into my car. It was like one of those cartoons where a tiny little clown car comes up and ten people get out as you sit there staring trying to do the math. It's just impossible. No way. It's not going to happen. Physics would not allow for such a thing!

Somehow, though, they all got into my car, the smallest of them sort of just lying across the lap of the other two in the back seat. I'm pretty much in a panic now, especially since their ride is over twenty minutes away. They seem as though they don't even notice, however, so I stare straight ahead and pull out of the parking spot as I start off.

My car dragged the entire way. I nearly had the pedal on the floor, and my car wouldn't go over 40 mph as it revved up. Janice was the most vocal of the group, although they all had nasty things to say about my car. They complained how small and uncomfortable it was, and I politely informed them that the rideshare offered larger vehicles such as an SUV or a van which they may find more comfortable for their next ride. Upon my comment, Janice snapped at me that she knew that but wasn't going to pay the extra charge for a larger vehicle but that I should have "just had one" as though I were hiding an SUV in my pocket or something. They also complained about how slow I was going as I politely tried to explain in a fashion that wouldn't insult their massive combined weight that my vehicle was currently incapable of going any faster. Thankfully there wasn't much traffic and we didn't go on any highways.

With all of their complaining and bitching, my windows started to fog up, especially with the car crammed full of flesh. It was a decently cool night, not too cold, so I tried to roll down the windows some to clear out the windows since the fog was on the inside. The moment I did so, Janice was sure to let me know of her disapproval so I rolled them back up. Instead, I turned the defroster on as low as I possibly could for I had to be able to see out of my windows. She immediately let me know her grievance with that one as well, reaching over and clicking it off immediately and instead turning on the AC full blast. Note that in my car, I can only turn on the defrost OR the AC. I can't do both at the same time.

The moment she blasts the AC, the tiny itty bit of visibility I had left was GONE. I hit the brakes, the car squealing to a stop since I was on a twisting road in the dark and the front windshield had become solid. Janice started bitching at me about my horrible "crazy" driving, and by this point, my desire to provide great customer service to these people had begun to chip away, and I had been pretty tolerant of them for the first fifteen minutes or so. I look directly at Janice and say "I need to be able to see out my front windshield. I either need the windows down or the defrost on. I cannot drive blind."

She proceeds to lecture me on my car, on my driving, and on my inability to do anything "proper" but doesn't touch the dial again as I turn the defrost back on, waiting a moment as the windshield starts to clear so I can go on my way. I grit my teeth, force my expression blank for it's the best I can do at the moment, and simply allow her to continue to lecture me on what a horrible person I am.

We finally get close to their house which is on Pothole Dirt Road. I've been up and down this road before, and it stretches for miles and miles and is filled with car-eating potholes. Even if my car could go faster down it, I don't speed through that area. It's also surrounded by forest so deer and other animals tend to jump out. The speed limit is 40 mph but I tend to go around 25 mph, especially with my car groaning and threatening to fall apart like a comedic cartoon with every bump. Of course, Janice also made sure to lecture me on my slow driving AND on the condition of the road despite me having no control over the dirt road or where they lived, for there was no other way to their house.

I finally reach their house. It's set back slightly into the forest and looks like a cute little house. It has a super steep driveway, the kind you'd want to avoid in the winter, and I normally don't go up driveways since we're not supposed to for safety reasons. I do realize, however, that the driveway may be a bit daunting for people their size, so I turn my wheel and attempt to go up the driveway.

My car bottoms out and gets stuck. I pause a moment, looking over at Janice with a smile and tell her we've arrived. She glares absolute daggers at me, ordering me to drive up the driveway. "You expect us to walk? Drive up there! It's right there!"

Telling myself that I'm almost done with them, I back the car up some to get a sort of running start. I put my car in drive, go as fast as the poor thing will go, and smack straight into the steep driveway as the wheels spin and my bumper hits the pavement. I try it once more under the accusing gaze of Janice but the car just will not go. Not only is the driveway extremely steep but my car just can't handle the extreme weight inside of it, the car only an inch or so off the ground as it was.

I apologize as I force a smile at her, saying my car just won't go up as though it's my car's fault and nothing to do with them. Janice makes sure to let me know that she's rating me a one star for my horrible customer service and that I should be fired from rideshare since I apparently don't know how to drive. I just smile at her as she gets out of the car, knowing that rating goes two ways and that she'll lose me as a driver forever (thankfully).

My car rocks back forth, groaning and squeaking as the passengers get out. Three of the four get out of my car, leaving the largest one, the guy, inside. I glance back to make sure he hadn't fallen asleep or something but he's wide away. He had moved to one of the doors in the back seat but then had stopped, reaching out for something. A moment later, he yells to the girls, "I'm stuck!"

It took all of my effort to not bust out laughing at them but I thought it'd be cruel after all they'd said to me. The other two girls - not Janice - hurry back to the car to help him. I move the front passenger seat all the way up to try to give him a few more inches of space to get out. One of the ladies grabs his hands from outside the car, pulling on him to try to pull him out of the car while the other climbs in the far side pushing against his back to shove him out. Meanwhile, my entire car is rocking and shaking with all of the shoving and the pushing.

Finally, the man cries out as he's released from the prison of my car...and falls face-first down on the driveway. The two ladies hurry over to him as he flails on the ground like a fish out of water, violently slamming my car doors in the process. I glance over to the side to make sure that his feet aren't under my wheels or something and then take off, leaving him fallen on the ground. Despite Janice having been the most vocal of the group, they were all extremely rude and cruel to me the entire ride, the man even saying something about how I was harassing them by daring to drive a standard car. By the way, you can see exactly what vehicle the rideshare driver is arriving in as soon as you're matched up. He was also the one who pointed out that they'd have to pay more for a larger vehicle which made Janice lecture how they weren't doing that.

As an end note, they really did break my car. I had to bring it in the next day to get all of my suspension replaced. Hundreds of dollars in damages. I also had to get my tires realigned. I attempted to contact my rideshare to tell them as politely as I could about the extreme pressure put on my vehicle as a DIRECT result of the passengers to get compensated for the damage.

I was told that I couldn't prove it was THOSE passengers.

I have since then placed a weight limit on my vehicle and have had to politely decline two passengers in two years' time, gently explaining to them how to request a SUV or van for their comfort instead.