I Survived my Long-Distance Relationship

*This article was origninally posted on Medium.

If someone told me five years ago that I would end up moving halfway across the country to be with my forever partner - I would've said that couldn't be true. In the past, I would have never considered the thought of committing to a long-distance relationship.

I was aware of the downsides, such as catfishing, cheating, loneliness, and most of all, not being physically there. Not only was I afraid of secret serial killers, but I was afraid of gambling my heart away to someone I couldn't physically touch.

The journey of everlasting love isn't a walk in the park. Snow White and Sleeping Beauty made it look easy compared to the challenges we face today. One can only dream of stumbling upon a handsome gentleman in the woods.

Surprisingly, my search for love didn't last long.

I actively used one dating app for a month before I met my match. My phone became an attachment to my physical body, I never went anywhere without it. I couldn't put it down, I anxiously waited for every text and call.

I didn't fully understand the weight of loving another person. Throughout my relationship, I realized that falling in love was only the beginning of the journey.

Admittedly, it took me four days to fall madly in love.

From the beginning, I knew he lived far away. Yet, I pursued because he gave me a feeling that no one else could. The same anxious doubts and worries created a storm inside my head.

I thought to myself,

What if he doesn't love all of who I am?

What if he sees me in real life and doesn't want me?

How can I make this work if it does happen?

The thing about love is that it makes you question everything. One day you live by a code, one that you'll never break in a million lifetimes. Then the next day you fall in love and that code gets burned to ash. Being in love ignited the power of hope within me.

Despite all of the naysayers and inner doubts, I decided to take a leap of faith. I concluded that he was different than the others. I trusted him more than some of my closest friends.

When I expressed my worries, doubts, and concerns he replied -

I'm willing to be everything and give everything to you if you're willing to give all of yourself to me.

His words provided a great comfort within my heart. That day I chose to take a step forward, but I wasn't alone. He was with me, side by side the entire time.

Love is a rollercoaster filled with unexpected twists and turns.

We all know how love begins, but not many of us know how to keep it. Everyone talks about love; we see it in movies, books, and social media. Love isn't a one-time achievement. It takes consistent work; you have to care for it like a living entity.

Loving another person requires a commitment to understanding the challenges of bettering yourself, your significant other, and the foundation of your relationship. Searching for the perfect one is hard but maintaining that love is even harder.

In the beginning, I didn't know how to love myself, let alone what it meant to love another person. We needed to discover things about ourselves first before we could come together and create a foundation. We made countless mistakes, but we gathered the courage to grow for the sake of one another.

We built our foundation based on the following values:

(1) Trust, Honesty, and Communication

The first couple of months were hard. Little by little be wanted to know more and more about me. His genuine and honest character made me think that it was too good to be true. I was afraid of getting hurt and falling too deep.

Remember when Shrek said that ogres have layers?

What he was trying to say, is that people have emotional layers. I didn't know what to expect, how to feel or react. I reacted like an onion; I released enzymes and sulfur hoping he would stop.

Putting my trust and faith into another person took time and patience.

There were times when he would make me look into his eyes on purpose. At first, this made me uncomfortable because no one had ever asked me to do this before. Often, I felt the need to look away. Every time we did this exercise, I felt embarrassed and confused.

The thing that scared me the most was that he wanted to know everything about me. He wanted to know my thoughts and feelings. I tried fighting it, but eventually, I decided to let go.

Spilling my guts to someone new presented challenges I wasn't prepared for. Once I let him in, he wanted to share all of himself with me. The more we did this, the closer we got to each other.

To build trust we did the following things:

1. Facetimed at least three times a day, even when we were busy. We promised one another, no matter the situation, we'd always pick up the phone.

2. We had share-location and read-receipt notifications at all times.

3. We made a pact. If we were ever feeling sad, angry, or confused, we would work out the problem together.

4. We never went to bed angry or sad. If we argued, we couldn't hang up the phone or ignore one another. Even if we sat there in silence, we vowed to resolve the problem no matter what.

I was like most people, afraid of betrayal and dishonesty.

The more time we spent getting to know one another, the I no longer felt the need to worry. Slowly but surely, the doubts and fears went away. Over time my fear dissolved because he never gave me a reason not to trust in him.

(2) Time, Routines, and Attention

When we first started dating, I was a full-time college student and still living with my family. What worried me the most was not being able to give a sufficient amount of attention to one another.

I often felt overwhelmed by the needs of my family and my relationship. To bridge this gap, I decided to introduce him to my family. That way we could all spend time together.

It wasn't easy for me to do this.

For a while, I hid my relationship because I feared the opinions and judgment of my family. When I told the truth, it became easier for me to handle family and relationship time.

Once I was honest about my relationship my family understood why I spent so much time on my phone. I didn't want to seclude my family or my boyfriend, doing this made everything a lot easier.

Despite our daily routines, we came together in the following ways:

1. We sent each other good morning texts, and frequently messaged one another throughout the day.

2. If something unexpected happened in our day we would let each other know.

3. We had lunch dates during the weekday. While at school, I set up a study schedule that revolved around our best call times. When we talked, I wanted to give my full attention to him.

4. After family time, we would have study sessions together. Even though he wasn't in school at the time, we worked on homework and hobbies together.

5. Sometimes we would take naps together while we were on FaceTime. I know it sounds weird, but it was nice going to sleep and waking up to each other.

Even though we were apart, we spent a lot of time together. These small but big activities made our love grow fonder.

(3) Traditions

After a month, I knew I wanted to be with him forever. I envisioned our family, house, and lives together. I made a promise to myself that I would do everything in my power to make our relationship work. Once I communicated this to him, he bought a journal.

I came home from school one day and he called me to tell me his great idea. He wanted us to write our story, feelings, and promises in it. After hearing his idea, I cried for a good 15 minutes.

That day we promised to write in it often, share love notes, feelings, and goals. When we saw each other in person, we'd write new promises together. This was the first tradition we ever made together, and we continue to write it today.

(4) Goals and Deadlines

After eight months of long-distance dating, we set a date to meet each other in real life. He came to see me in June of 2017 and our trip lasted ten days. It was the greatest ten days of my entire life. The first day we spent together, I hardly ate or slept.

As fast as it came, it went by in a flash.

After our first meeting, I couldn't wait to plan another trip. We flew back and forth to see each other for about a year. Leaving each other behind became harder and harder. Each time I left, I felt incredibly sad and lonely.

I hated leaving him because every time I returned, home felt a little less like home. For a long time, my two worlds were incomplete, and it constantly felt like something was missing.

One day he called me after class and he said to me, let's move in together.

At that moment, I didn't question or doubt. I just said yes, and that entire year I worked my butt off to save as much as I could. I prepared silently until it came time to mention it to my family.

Breaking the news to my family was an intense battle, but one that I would do all over again.

We broke the distance in December of 2018, and we've been happy ever since.

Being in a long-distance relationship has taught me the importance of constant communication and attention. It has made me aware of the critical details that it takes to make a relationship thrive. While apart, we recognized and appreciated the moments we had together.

In regular relationships, it's easy to take those precious moments for granted. Despite the distance, we made it work and bettered ourselves along the way.

Long-distance love is many things, but impossible isn't one of them.

"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It is for those willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It is for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough." - Unknown